Sorry, Cole Kmet Was a Bad Pick, No Matter What ESPN Radio Says

Sorry, Cole Kmet Was a Bad Pick, No Matter What ESPN Radio Says

I feel like i’ve got to start this article with a disclaimer: I genuinely hope Cole Kmet becomes a great football player and ends up as a quicker version of fellow former Notre Dame tight end Kyle Rudolph. In fact, the future of Ryan Pace as the General Manager for the Bears will be partially dependent on his ability to become a productive NFL player. This article isn’t about whether I believe that Cole Kmet can become a top tier NFL Tight End.

Coming into night two of the NFL draft, there was a common refrain among experts: This is the deepest second round in 25 years. The talent level ran deep at several important positions, notably wide receiver and safety. The Bears were standing at number 43 with their first pick in the draft, having lost their first round pick in exchange for Khalil Mack last season. Among the main needs at the pick were wide receiver and safety, along with offensive line help and cornerbacks. As the second round began to shake out, a dream scenario was being laid out for Chicago. Two of the best safeties in the draft, Grant Delpit and Antoine Winfield Jr. were both becoming available. Delpit won the Thorpe Award in 2019 given to college football’s best secondary player. Winfield Jr. is a hard hitting safety who thrives on trying to blow up the box and tackle the running back behind the line of scrimmage.

Continue reading “Sorry, Cole Kmet Was a Bad Pick, No Matter What ESPN Radio Says” →

NFL Draft Live Blog Night 2: Electric Boogaloo

NFL Draft Live Blog Night 2: Electric Boogaloo

Brandon Andreasen, 5:58 PM: I’m back everyone! I was planning on skipping tonight, and just hanging out, having a few drinks and watching the draft after a long day of work. For those keeping track, I was at work all night last night to cover for my supervisor having the day off. I left work at 10:45 PM last night, and then to cover my first shift supervisor, I was back at work at 4:45 AM this morning. Well guess what? My second shift supervisor didn’t come to work again today, so i’m in the back end of an 18 hour work day today, and coming to you live as I slowly lose my mind!

Continue reading “NFL Draft Live Blog Night 2: Electric Boogaloo” →

How I Got Thrown Out Of The Michiganders Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Short Story

How I Got Thrown Out Of The Michiganders Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Short Story

If you read my last post, you know I’ve taken issue with some of the protests which have popped up around various state capitals. Fun story: In writing that last sentence, I almost wrote, “protests which pooped up”, which was horrible spelling but also funny and accidentally accurate.

Continue reading “How I Got Thrown Out Of The Michiganders Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Short Story” →

NFL Draft Live Blog!!

NFL Draft Live Blog!!

Welcome everybody to the new frontier of the NFL, everyone! Tonight, we are standing on the edge of history, as a bunch of old white men are going to spend the next three days attempting to figure out technology and try and (in some cases) wildly fail to get out of their own way long enough to try not to screw up their entire draft via Zoom! Truly, we are looking at the halcyon days of sport! I’ll be here all night live blogging the draft, and just maybe i’ll have the help of some of my football friends to talk about it as well. Keep checking in all night!

Continue reading “NFL Draft Live Blog!!” →

Brandon Solves the Internet: 4/22 Edition

Brandon Solves the Internet: 4/22 Edition

Hey Everyone. While i’m wallowing in my own sense of defeat at the persistent end of days scenario that this stupid simulation of the world seems to be hucking us towards, I reached out for questions from my friends on Facebook so I can solve the internet for them! Take it away, my dear, dear friends!

Continue reading “Brandon Solves the Internet: 4/22 Edition” →

Essential.

Essential.

This past week, morons and douchebags all over our great nation went to “peacefully” “protest” the state capitals of Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Texas, and Florida. I put the word “peacefully” in quotes because while there were no reports of arrests or violence, some of these people made a point of open carrying weapons and there were reports of confederate flags and signs with swastikas, which are, as we all know, the two symbols of peace. I put the words “protest” in quotes because some, if not most (hell, if not ALL) of these whiny turd-babies are just mad because they’re being asked to stay inside and practice social distancing and it makes them mad.

The claim of many of these slack-jawed yokels is that it’s time for the nation to get back to work and get outside. Well, as someone who has been working this whole time, let me tell you: it’s a fucking nightmare. You don’t want any of this right now.

Continue reading “Essential.” →

Minnesota Butter and the Droste Dimension: Farewell to the Land O’ Lakes Mascot

Minnesota Butter and the Droste Dimension: Farewell to the Land O’ Lakes Mascot

We’re all trapped in the amber of whatever this moment is, yet life goes on. It seems like eons ago that Planter’s killed off Mr. Peanut, beloved talking food item, only to resurrect him in the form of Baby Nut, one of the most vile and despicable creatures any of us have ever seen. Brands change, mascots need a refresh, and sometimes the hardest decision of all must come- to lose the mascot entirely. I awoke Saturday morning to the news that Land O’ Lakes, the butter behemoth based in Arden Hills, Minnesota, had ditched its mascot. To the uninitiated, Mia (she had a name, dammit!) appeared to be just a vague stereotype of a Native American woman. To me, she is something much more cognitively sinister.

Continue reading “Minnesota Butter and the Droste Dimension: Farewell to the Land O’ Lakes Mascot” →

A Godking Could Bleed: The Night Allen Iverson Humbled Michael Jordan (for a few seconds)

A Godking Could Bleed: The Night Allen Iverson Humbled Michael Jordan (for a few seconds)

Mythology in America is a funny concept. Sure, there have been people here for millennia and they all passed down stories and legends, but in relation to Middle-East and Mediterranean lore, our bowl sits nearly bare. Sports fill that void as the gladiators of modern times give life to moments that transcend just a game. The moment in question signaled a sea change in NBA history. On March 12, 1997, the Chicago Bulls were on their way to their second straight title, fresh off the undisputed greatest season in basketball history. They were at the height of their powers. But their superstar, the face of the sport, was aging. Before there was “The Last Dance,” there was a question as to when the great Michael Jordan would finally show cracks in the armor. Philadelphia had The Answer.

Continue reading “A Godking Could Bleed: The Night Allen Iverson Humbled Michael Jordan (for a few seconds)” →

Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition

Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition

Here at Fancy Boys Club, we love our writers, and we hope you do to. They work very hard to put out amazing and fun content for us and we think they’re really special.

But you should also be following them on twitter.

Here are some fun tweets from some of our writers over the last few days:

Continue reading “Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition” →