An Athletics Relocation Adventure

If you have been paying attention to the minutiae of baseball television rights alongside the proliferation of new modern baseball stadiums, and i’m sure you have, then you are very aware of the situation of the Oakland Athletics. The A’s, formerly of Philadelphia and Kansas City, debuted in Oakland in the Oakland Coliseum in April of 1968. Since then, the Athletics have played all of their home games in the stadium, which doubled for many decades as the home stadium of the Oakland Raiders.

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Old People Need to Chill: An Ongoing Series

Old People Need to Chill: An Ongoing Series

Everyone thinks they are going to age gracefully. Each of us believes that we will be the ones to stare down the cold hand of death and rebel against it by keeping up with the latest trends, listening to the newest music, and doing what them young folks be doin’. To say the least, this is an appalling afront to the sensibilities of everyone who grew up and opted to age gracefully. Today, I saw an old man in skinny jeans, boots, and a shirt that should be worn by someone four decades his junior. He was wearing Warby Parker glasses that would make Andy Warhol blush. He had a french bulldog following him as if it were father time, waiting for him to kick the bucket from drinking too much Red Bull.

It should go without saying that this man did not look cool. This man did not look hip. This man looked like he saw what hip was, thought to himself “Well, this will make me look like the coolest person at the Homeowners Association Meeting” and went for it. He thought he was going to stand at the mountaintop of fashion and look down on his suburban counterparts with a stylish contempt. Instead, he went off the cliff, full-on Thelma and Louise style. Just full yeet.

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Turn That Genetically-Modified Microchipped Frown Upside-Down: Confronting Fears About Vaccination

Turn That Genetically-Modified Microchipped Frown Upside-Down: Confronting Fears About Vaccination

The reality is that while the vaccination rollout in the country has been pretty amazing, it’s starting to hit a speed bump I don’t think a lot of people expected: too many people are choosing to not participate, leading our nation to worry we may not hit the herd immunity number. For reasonable Americans, this causes a great deal of confusion, anxiety and trepidation. That being said, I imagine Tucker Carlson and Jenny McCarthy meet to talk about this and excitedly bone every night. Shame on you, Jenny… you’re married.

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Deliciousness at the Dish: Dodgers-Padres

First off, I am a San Francisco Giants fan. Ergo while I will love this series, it’s Giants first for me. Have been since the mid ‘80s when I moved to Los Angeles and found the Dodger faithful about as lackadaisical a fan base as I have ever witnessed. Show up in the 3rd inning, leave in the 7th. Loved Dodger stadium, Dodger dogs, and the game. But the fans? Not so much. When I was able to go to the NLCS in 1985 and watched as Jack Clark cranked out a 3-run homer so the Cardinals could advance and leave the Dodgers at home and watch Pedro Guerrero throw his mitt up in the air in disgust, I smiled. The team may not have deserved this fate, but the fans did. The Dodger were up 2 games to nil and had lost 4 straight, with the last two being losses in the top of the 9th behind their closer Tom Niedenfeur, who was then dubbed Tom Need-in-fewer-games.

Obviously he’ll make it past the 7th, but such a typical Dodgers fan.

So, I jumped onto the Giants bandwagon and have been a fan ever since. After all, they were the Dodgers main rival no matter how far behind them that season they were as the Giants ended up an awful 62-100 in 1985. By 1987 I had moved from Los Angeles to northern California and the Giants were a team on the come. The rivalry grew more intense, intense enough that on April 21, 1987 in Candlestick Park, someone threw a battery (along with beer) at Dodgers first basemen Mike Marshall who made an ass of himself rounding the bases after hitting a 3-run homer. It wasn’t a car battery, don’t be ridiculous. I think it was a D and I’m pretty sure it didn’t hit him plus other small hard objects were tossed as well (and more beer). Hence, we started calling every Giants home game when they Dodgers came into town “Spark Plug & Battery Night.” Needless to say, security got beefed up a bit more.

The Giants fans were far more rabid. They had to be. Before the jewel the Giants play in now – Oracle Park – Candlestick Park was their home and was one of the worst stadiums ever. When you went to a game in July and sat in the cheap seats, you didn’t just bring a jacket, you brought a sleeping bag. The fog coming in off the bay was so cold it could turn a mild California summer day into a Midwestern winter one. 1988 saw the Dodgers get to the World Series and they upset the favored A’s led by a blindered Tony Larussa who just couldn’t see how his two main hitters went from normal big men to ginormous hulks. By 1989, the Giants had caught up and got to the World Series the summer I moved to Chicago. I intensely watched and cried. Not because they were swept by the A’s, but because of the devastating earthquake that hit during the beginning of Game 2.

I could go on and on about the Giants, Dusty Baker pulling the same crap Larussa did except this time it was one player rather than two, and the three World Series victories they captured in the ‘10s once they got a far better manager in Bruce Bochy… who came from the Padres. But this is not about the Giants, it’s about the current rivalry between the Dodgers and the Padres.

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America’s Secrets: The History of the Kentucky Derby

America’s Secrets: The History of the Kentucky Derby

Every year, thousands congregate, participate, and millions view the Kentucky Derby. But the question on everyone’s mind is the same- how did this happen? For nearly a century and a half, the Commonwealth’s signature event has been one of America’s great pastimes. Though the race only lasts a few minutes, the tension could fill a Safdie Brothers movie. There have been changes to the race, and there are plenty of mysteries surrounding it, and I am here to uncover it all for you on this sacred Saturday in May. Come along. I might just teach you something.

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2021 NFL Draft First Round Live Blog

2021 NFL Draft First Round Live Blog

Welcome everybody to my constantly updating live blog where I’ll be giving my thoughts about picks throughout tonight’s first round of the NFL draft. All of the lovey eyes being made between prospects and teams. All of the subterfuge and personality testing. Everything is done. Tonight is where the rubber hits the road. Tonight is about changing teams through the draft and…..BAH GAWD THAT’S AARON RODGER’S MUSIC!

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When A Marmalade-Loving Bear Takes Down The King

When A Marmalade-Loving Bear Takes Down The King

When you love movies the way I love movies, there are just things that you know are true. Films shown in 70 MM will always be the preferred method of viewing. The 1970’s was the best decade, so far, of film. And the greatest movie of all time is Citizen Kane.

Orson Welles’ 1941 cinematic masterpiece is always the film that everyone speaks of when we’re talking about the greatest stories put onto cellulite. Here’s how great the film is: Last year’s Mank, about the life of Citizen Kane screenwriter Herman J. Mankiewicz, got two Oscars. A film about the greatest film got recognized last week, and Mank won more (and was nominated for more) Oscars than Citizen Kane itself. And Mank, as we discussed on this site last week, is only David Fincher’s ninth best film.

Hollywood is weird.

However, yesterday something happened to change everything you know about movies. It’s the most important story of the year in film and, I can only assume, what will be one of the most memorable stories of all time. Honestly, if Joe Biden doesn’t mention this tonight in his speech to the joint session of Congress, then democracy, as we know it, is dead. Paradigms have shifted and everything we once learned was proven wrong. According to one source, Citizen Kane is no longer the greatest film of all time. The critics have spoken and Rotten Tomatoes has listened and there is a new champion.

But what is this new masterpiece? What film have critics raised to the top of the pile? What piece of art is so fabulous that all others, including the masterful Citizen Kane, bow in deference?

Yeah, get ready… it’s finally time for a piece about Paddington 2.

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Brandon’s 2021 Draft Predictions That People Can Hold Against Me!

Brandon’s 2021 Draft Predictions That People Can Hold Against Me!

On Monday, we discussed all of the things I got right and wrong last year. On the whole, I definitely could have done worse. That is mostly because I simply refused to reread every word I wrote in the leadup to the draft. My writing is tiring to both write and read. I just glanced over the bigger points, and the points I specifically remember (KMEEEEEEEEET!)

I realize, though, that it would just be easier to dump all of my hot takes into one place. So here we go! Here are the things I think about the 2021 NFL Draft!

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Baseball, Art out of Time: Under the Circumstances

Baseball, Art out of Time: Under the Circumstances

There’s a warm static over the ballpark on Chicago’s south side. Typically by this time in late July, the weather is overbearing. Today, however, is unlike most days before it. An unseasonably cool stretch had this game begin in weather echoing late spring, and the giddiness that annually comes with that was palpable as well. Through eight innings, the Tampa Bay Rays have brought twenty-four men to the plate. None have reached base. Mark Buehrle, the White Sox’ quick-working ace is inching closer to one of the rarest feats in professional sports- the perfect game. Manager Ozzie Guillen, a White Sox folk hero in his own right, has made a defensive substitution to start the final frame. He is pulling Carlos Quentin from left field, sliding centerfielder Scott Podsednik into his place, and bringing DeWayne Wise into the game to play center. The move is to shore up the defense for two-thirds of his outfield ahead of three consecutive right-handed hitters to end the game. The first of these, Gabe Kapler, fouls a few pitches away, takes a ball high out of the zone, and stays alive. The next pitch will be remembered forever in the Windy City.

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Brandon’s Annual Draft Predictions That People Can Hold Against Me!

Brandon’s Annual Draft Predictions That People Can Hold Against Me!

Every year, I throw myself down a flight of stairs in an attempt to give my opinion on the NFL draft. There is obviously no way to be 100 percent accurate with your predictions, but sometimes I am egregiously bad! Sometimes I’m right, but people aren’t interested in that so much. As is a yearly tradition, i’m going to go over the stuff I got wrong last year, with the occasional sprinkling of stuff I got right. Actually, screw you guys! I’m leading off with what I got right. Don’t like it, go start your own website you human merkin!

What I got right: The Bears were dumb to draft Cole Kmet.

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