The Swiftening, Part 7: Lover (2019)… Almonds Are Forever

The Swiftening, Part 7: Lover (2019)… Almonds Are Forever

Before December of 2020, Jordan Holmes (comedian, author, podcaster) had never, intentionally, listened to a Taylor Swift song. Then began The Swiftening, where Jordan decided to review every Swift album in order. So far, he has covered Swift’s 2006 debut2008’s Fearless2010’s Speak Now, and 2012‘s Red, 2014’s 1989, and 2017’s reputation which we encourage you to check out if you haven’t already.

Continue reading “The Swiftening, Part 7: Lover (2019)… Almonds Are Forever”

WWE Is Out of the Wrestling Game

Wrestling is fake. Everyone knows it. Whether you are a fan or not, you know that what you are watching is meant to be pre-scripted entertainment. Wrestling has been predetermined for over a century, dating back it’s it’s time on circus sideshows to entertain rubes. But the presentation of legitimate sport existed long beyond that, into the golden days of television, all the way through the rise of Hulk Hogan in the mid 80’s. All of that changed in 1989. Vince McMahon, long known as the king of the squared circle, the man who helmed a regional wrestling company from his father and turned it into the apex of the sport, is the one who killed it.

Continue reading “WWE Is Out of the Wrestling Game”

When Did Harrison Ford Get Old?

When Did Harrison Ford Get Old?

Born 78 years ago in Chicago, Harrison Ford has been acting since the 1960’s, and it’s hard to imagine an acting career you would want more. Despite only being nominated for one Oscar (1985’s Witness, where he lost to William Hurt in Kiss Of The Spider Woman), the dude has a resume that is pretty unfuckwithable. He was Indiana Jones, Han Solo, Jack Ryan, Dr. Richard Kimble and Rick Deckard. The dude knows how to play characters who make crazy box offices.

He’s also old. That seems obvious, but it raises a lot of interesting questions. And here is the one I’m going to focus on right now:

When did Harrison Ford get old?

Continue reading “When Did Harrison Ford Get Old?”

Life in the Fap Lane: My Pandemic as a Sex Worker – Part One

OnlyFans or: How I learned to stop worrying and wear a mask while selling pictures of my vagina for money 

30 seems as good an age as any to write an in depth expose about the more salacious corners of my life , and the COVID-19 pandemic of the year Where Nothing Good Happened For Anyone, (2020) seemed as good a time as any to try sex-work. I thought a lot about where to start this story- did it all stem from when I got fingered for the first time in a movie theatre by my first boyfriend at the tender age of 14 while watching Napoleon Dynamite? Or should I start just 4 years in the past, the day after The Election-you know the one-where I woke up in tears because overnight, America had somehow elected an orange repugnant narcissist with zero governing experience over an actually qualified but historically polarizing female candidate? Or, I could start with the humid July day in the midst of that UNPRECEDENTED Covid-summer where some teenager didn’t check his blind-spot and annihilated the right side of my 10-year-old Prius (gifted to me a year and a half prior by my Floridian-retirement-community-bound parents). You could say that all of these events had their part to play in what eventually led me to that digital blue lock. 

Continue reading “Life in the Fap Lane: My Pandemic as a Sex Worker – Part One”

The Swiftening, Part 6: reputation (2017)… Shite Heaven In Hell

The Swiftening, Part 6: reputation (2017)… Shite Heaven In Hell

Before December of 2020, Jordan Holmes (comedian, author, podcaster) had never, intentionally, listened to a Taylor Swift song. Then began The Swiftening, where Jordan decided to review every Swift album in order. So far, he has covered Swift’s 2006 debut2008’s Fearless2010’s Speak Now, and 2012‘s Red, and 2014’s 1989 which we encourage you to check out if you haven’t already.

Continue reading “The Swiftening, Part 6: reputation (2017)… Shite Heaven In Hell”

NFL Mailbag – Conference Championship Weekend!

NFL Mailbag – Conference Championship Weekend!

It’s the best football weekend of the year, conference championship weekend baby! As always, Matt Drufke- who watches none of the games- has so many questions. Fortunately, Fancy Boys Football experts Brendan Andreasen and Jack Baker do and are usually happy to answer some of them. Let’s mailbag.

Continue reading “NFL Mailbag – Conference Championship Weekend!”

I Solve All Of Elmhurst, Illinois’ Problems (you’re welcome)

I Solve All Of Elmhurst, Illinois’ Problems (you’re welcome)

Located 22 miles west of Chicago, Elmhurst is a town with a little over 44,000 people in it. They’re a town probably a lot like yours, with business and commerce and art and parks and a post office. They also have a Facebook group which contains some very opinionated people. Like… REALLY opinionated.

It’s a little intense.

Continue reading “I Solve All Of Elmhurst, Illinois’ Problems (you’re welcome)”

The Swiftening, Part 5: 1989 (2014)… “Fast Five” sounds like a handjob

The Swiftening, Part 5: 1989 (2014)… “Fast Five” sounds like a handjob

Before December of 2020, Jordan Holmes (comedian, author, podcaster) had never, intentionally, listened to a Taylor Swift song. Then began The Swiftening, where Jordan decided to review every Swift album in order. So far, he has covered Swift’s 2006 debut, 2008’s Fearless, 2010’s Speak Now, and 2012‘s Red, which we encourage you to check out if you haven’t already.

Continue reading “The Swiftening, Part 5: 1989 (2014)… “Fast Five” sounds like a handjob”