Every year, it happens. An inevitability like the sun rising, taxes being paid, and Rudy Giuliani being a public embarrassment. Besides Patrick Mahomes, the McRib, and horrible country music, it could be what America has come to be known for over the past few decades. It shows up in your email. It shows up in your mailbox. It shows up in targeted marketing ads while you are trying to watch tables get made on Facebook.
I’m of course referring to Black Friday. Every year, the spectre of saving a few dollars on a big screen tv and a chainsaw you don’t need (but what if you might, someday???) leads friends and family members to throw ‘bows with strangers in a Target parking lot, because their beloved CBS sitcoms are just so much more enjoyable on a 58 inch television screen that a 51 inch (oh that Sheldon Cooper, amiright?). It is what causes us to shred any sense of decency with the ferocity of Hulk Hogan tearing off his shirt in the eighties, just for the sake of getting 15 dollars extra off some Rachel Ray cookware that is inevitably going to bow and warp the moment you boil water in it. THOSE PANS ARE JUST FOR LOOKS, KAREN! YOU WEREN’T MEANT TO COOK IN THEM!
Continue reading “Is This The End of Corporate Dick Waving?”
Last week, I took this site and wrote what I considered to be a well-reasoned and thoughtful essays about reasons to stay home and make a smaller and more low-key Thanksgiving. It was not well received.
Continue reading “Thankful.”
We head into the best NFL day of the year after an action packed week 11. Seattle reclaimed the top of the NFC West throne on Thursday night, while Mahomes capped off Sunday with some more late game magic. Joe Burrow had the worst weekend of all, unless of course you’re a Lions fan. While the big winner of the weekend is every Bears fan who was free from the death grip of their offense for one Sunday, let’s break down the winners and losers from week 11 of the NFL season.
Washington Football Guys
New Orleans Saints
Los Angeles Chargers
Kansas City Chiefs
New England Patriots
New York Jets
Green Bay Packers
Las Vegas Raiders
Week 11 of the NFL season is in the books. Matt Drufke has questions. Fancy Boys Football expert Jack Baker has the answers. Let’s mailbag.
Continue reading “Fancy Boys Football: Mailbag Week 11”
Last Thursday around noon, I saw a Facebook post from the Chicago comedian Tristan Smith telling everyone to turn on Fox News. This is a weird request for most people, in general, but for Tristan, specifically. However, that was all it took for me to understand what was happening:
Rudy Giuliani was making a fool of himself.
Continue reading “If You Seek Rudy”
“I fantasized ’bout this back in Chicago…”
Continue reading “Can We Get Much Higher: Kanye West’s Beautiful, Dark, Twisted Fantasy Ten Years Later”
Long before Kanye West was a pop pariah / media megalomaniac / Christian contrarian, he was merely a polarizing figure who would interrupt Taylor Swift and liken himself to Michael Jackson repeatedly. Two albums later, he would make a whole song about how he loves himself. But at some point, Kanye was a true artist, the kind that calls himself a genius and for all its worth… is right. There is an apex to all ability, however, and it’s nearly always noticed in hindsight. When MBDTF dropped a decade ago, an artist had his most quintessential work- an endlessly quote-able, often repugnant, undeniably gorgeous, sonically diverse, musically challenging album. It was an artist reaching a zenith so shortly after his emotional nadir, and a masterpiece that has aged well in spite of its creator.
Welcome to the club! There are over 11 million of us now! I’m sure there is a lot going through your mind. Did you get this from a co worker? Did you get this from having some rough sex? Did you hit the jackpot and get this from having rough sex with a co worker? However it happened, you have a ton going through your mind right now. If you are anything like me, these are your thoughts
Am I going to die?
Who did I get it from?
Who could I have given it to?
If I have to miss work, i’m never going to financially recover from this, Joe Exotic style.
Good news, my scared/curious friends, as someone who got Covid (and still had it after the election when idiots would have had you belief it was going to end), I’m here to guide you through everything you are about to experience. Let’s break down what you are about to go through over the next couple weeks.
AM I GOING TO DIE?
Continue reading “So, You Got Covid. Now What?”
What an action packed weekend of football that was. The Masters on CBS pushed a number of games into the late window making NFL Sunday a 7 hour marathon and leaving no weak spots for the Red Zone crowd. We got to see Denard Hopkins pull a miracle out of the sky, the Giants maybe pull ahead in the NFC East, a 98 yard Ronald Jones touchdown run, and the Bears trot out the worst offense since the Jets played earlier in the weekend. Let’s break down the winners and losers of week 10 of the NFL season.
Continue reading “NFL Winners & Losers: Week 10”
Week 10 of the NFL season is in the books. Matt Drufke has questions. Fancy Boys Football expert Jack Baker has the answers. Let’s mailbag.
Continue reading “Fancy Boys Football: Mailbag Week 10”
Next week, millions of Americans will make the choice to not have large family gatherings for Thanksgiving. Granted, millions will also decide to go ahead and pretend like nothing is different, which is why we will be in a lockdown until Joe Biden’s second term as president.
Continue reading “Thanksgiving Isn’t Really That Great: Reasons To Stay Home This Year”