Does The Slipper Fit? How the Bears Can Get Russell Wilson

Does The Slipper Fit? How the Bears Can Get Russell Wilson

With the way the internet has been losing it’s mind over the NFL hot stove season for the past few seasons, you could be forgiven if I didn’t jump feet first into the rumors of Russell Wilson wanting to be traded this morning. The Athletic wrote an amazing piece about the growing rift between Russell Wilson and the powers that be in Seattle that came out today. What the article didn’t do was make it abundantly clear that Wilson wanted out of the Seahawks organization. The two notable people discussing him wanting to be traded were Brandon Marshall, who played all of seven games in Seattle at the end of his career, and noted rumor-maker-upper Jason La Confora. The CBS Sports “Insider” is notable mostly for being wrong.

Then Adam Schefter, someone worth paying attention to, dropped a bomb on all of us this afternoon.

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Life in the Fap Lane: My Pandemic as a Sex Worker Part Five

Life in the Fap Lane: My Pandemic as a Sex Worker Part Five

Splish-sploosh

It was 11:56pm on a snowy Sunday evening in Chicago, nearly a year after the term ‘Covid-19’ had become a fixture in the international vernacular, when I- an educated woman, moderately successful but still basically unknown comedian, and person with multiple receipts for Goodwill donations- accidentally peed on my laptop for the first time.

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This Is Not My Beautiful House. This Is Not My Beautiful Vibranium Android Husband.

This Is Not My Beautiful House. This Is Not My Beautiful Vibranium Android Husband.

Let’s skip to the bottom of the page, so I am not accused of burying the lede: WandaVision is the most creative and innovative thing the MCU has given us and is, currently, one of the best programs currently on television. The show, created by Jac Shaeffer, is a baffling and insane combination of humor, nostalgia, a little sci-fi, a pinch of a thriller, and about a thousand other things. Both Elizabeth Olsen and Kathryn Hahn deserve Emmys for the work that they’re doing and if this is the leadoff hitter for the Marvel/Disney+ television relationship, I look forward to seeing what’s going to come next.

With their two hit shows, this and a little thing you may have heard of called The Mandalorian, Disney+ has shown that they are not just around for nostalgia or so that my wife can put on a childhood favorite to help her fall asleep; they are trying to create content just as good as any of the streaming services or networks. And while The Mandalorian is probably the show I would rather watch, I think WandaVision (at least so far) is probably the better show.

Continue reading “This Is Not My Beautiful House. This Is Not My Beautiful Vibranium Android Husband.”

Carson Wentz Becomes a Colt As the Bears Stare Into the Abyss

Football rumor mongering is big business. It draws eyes to the twitter accounts of access merchants desperate to be the first person to break a story. It brings clicks to websites that are all too willing to write anything and post it online for the sake of views. It also acts as a tool of misinformation from professional teams, all too happy to use the blue check marked retweet whores to push out rumors for their own gain.

To whit, after multiple weeks of vague insinuations and loose accompaniment, Carson Wentz was traded to the Indianapolis Colts for a 3rd round pick this year, and a 2nd round pick next year which can be upgraded to a first. This after multiple reports over the past week that the Colts were not really interested. This after multiple reports over the past week that the Bears were the front runner. This after multiple reports over the past week that there were no real suitors for Wentz. This after multiple reports over the past week that the Eagles wanted multiple first round picks for their quarterback. This after multiple reports blah blah blah blah blah.

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The Padres Got Smart, and Fernando Tatis Jr. Got Paid

The Padres Got Smart, and Fernando Tatis Jr. Got Paid

Sports contracts and sports car prices. They are the two biggest sticker shock things in the world for white men. Not all white men, of course. But the ones that run to social media to furrow their brows and wave their fist in the air are all assuredly foaming at the mouth with indignation at the fact that the San Diego Padres and their neophyte turned supernova shortstop Fernando Tatis Jr. came to an agreement on a 14 year, 340 million dollar contract that will pay Tatis to stay in San Diego until after his age 35 season, at an annual rate of 24.3 million dollars.

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Cancer Gets One Right: RIP Rush Limbaugh

Cancer Gets One Right: RIP Rush Limbaugh

In a hilarious turn of events this morning, gluttonous bag of carbon and evil Rush Limbaugh succumbed to lung cancer. His death comes as a culmination of decades of hateful rhetoric and divisive speech that helped to poison the minds of generations, dividing families and our nation as a whole. His advocacy for family values such as intolerance and prejudice were a hallmark of his tenure in the American broadcast community. His affection for overt racism, spousal rape, and the disenfranchisement of LGBTQ Americans were the pillars on which Limbaugh stood. He was an architect of the partisan political landscape that has permeated every molecule of our lives, taking the dissolution of the Fairness Doctrine by the Reagan Administration and nurturing it to its full potential. He leaves a world worse than what he found. His legacy is that of divisiveness, impudence, and the echoes of collateral consternation among those still walking the earth.

Now on his great eternal journey, may he be shown the same kindness and consideration he granted upon the least of those during his seventy hate-fueled years.

He will be mourned only by those who wish his vitriolic views into fruition.

He will not be missed.

“The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers is kind of a lyrical trashfire…

“The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers is kind of a lyrical trashfire…

Released in 1978, Kenny Rogers’ version of “The Gambler” was nothing short of a wild success. It helped solidify Rogers as a dominant force in country music (the song was in the middle of a string of consecutive singles to top the country charts), gave him pop success in a time when country songs were hardly ever played on mainstream radio (the song would reach #16 on the pop charts) and reward Rogers with the 1980 Grammy for Best Male Country Artist. When Rogers died in March of last year, the song would top Billboard’s digital singles chart.

The song is just universal. I remember my mom singing it and just hearing it all the time in the house. In fact, I don’t think you could approach a person under 20 and have them not be able to sing you the chorus. Everyone knows “The Gambler”. I could sing you that song in its’ entirety and I feel like I could’ve for any point in the last 30 years.

But just a few nights ago, when rocking my fussy baby to bed, I realized something:

The lyrics to this song are kind fucked up.

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The NHL Report: First Quarter 2021

I probably should have divided up like periods and done thirds, but as promised I waited until the Avalanche reached game 12, aka 25%ish, to file a report on how the NHL season is going. Twelve games. The season started in early January so my math would have the Avalanche playing game 12 on February 4th. Nope – make that February 14th.

Why the delay? COVID. Five games postponed. I guess since they played Game 12 on Valentine’s Day COVID now stands for Colorado Valentine’s Isolation Day.

“My bloody Valentine…” Sing it with me now.

On another aspect, isolation made sense. The morning temperature on V-Day was a whopping -6˚F at my place. Deep freeze people, deep freeze. COVID has thrown the whole schedule into a blizzard. I wish it were a Dairy Queen one which actually sounds kind of good and my local DQ stays open until midnight and is the size of a Culver’s which is crazy, but alas that is a negative. How is the schedule playing out you ask? Bwa, Ha and Ha. The Vancouver Canucks have played 18 games, the Avalanche 12. The New Jersey Devils? 9.

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It’s A Love Rerun

It’s A Love Rerun

On Friday, Taylor Swift decided to give us a little taste of her 2021 re-recording on “Love Story”. Fancy Boys guest contributor Jordan Holmes, who had spent the last two months covering Swift’s entire discography, did not take it well.

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