The Ultimate Snack Foods Draft: Rounds 9 and 10

The Ultimate Snack Foods Draft: Rounds 9 and 10

This is it, everyone. Five days of calorie tinged, heart attack inducing goodness. Five men entered the draft with dreams of delicious dominance. In round 10, one man’s quest will come to an end. This persson will be left with egg on his face. Enough about that, though. Let’s get to the final rounds of the draft!

9.Beverage


Michael-Limón Pepino Gatorade

Limón-Pepino, or Lime-Cucumber, is the most refreshing Gatorade flavor there is. You know how cold Gatorade hits on a summer afternoon. Amplify that with the cool, crisp essence of cucumber, the most underrated vegetable, and lime, the lemon’s sassy sibling. It’s almost as if human progress was waiting for this delight to berth forth into our realm. It is a gift from the gods. It’s the equivalent of relaxing in a hidden lagoon after a day of digging ditches. The paradigm shift in your brainwaves is set off by a catalyst of soothing, subtle flavor and unprecedented thirst-quenching power. You are now made whole again, for the first time.

Brandon-Faygo Blue Berry

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The Ultimate Snack Foods Draft: Rounds 7 and 8

The Ultimate Snack Foods Draft: Rounds 7 and 8

Welcome to Rounds 7 and 8 of the Fancy Boys Club Ultimate Snack Foods Draft! Nothing salty or savory this time around. It’s all sweet. We are drafting frozen deserts and candy. These are the rounds where we can best jump back to the old days, as carefree children going to the grocery store and getting to pick something out to eat in the car ride home. Or maybe we are just a bunch of active and reformed drunks who will eat anything from 7/11 at three in the morning and be outwardly disappointed when they don’t have roller food. Let’s do this!

7.Frozen Dessert


Michael Grace-Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food

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The Ultimate Snack Foods Draft: Rounds 3 and 4

The Ultimate Snack Foods Draft: Rounds 3 and 4

“You slap some oreos into the blender along with Ben and Jerrys, then top it off with a Toblerone and buddy, you have yourself a party.”
-Abraham Lincoln

We are back for another round of indulgence. Get on your sweatpants, baby, because where we are going, you won’t be needing anything that will constrict your waist line! Today we are doing snack cakes/pastrys and Cereal. Most people call that breakfast. Stoners call it dinner. We here at FBC call it a small snack. In a world where calories matter, and you are supposed to always look better than food tastes, Jake, Tim, Rick, Michael and myself are here to remind everyone to let your fat flag fly. You only get to live once, and if you are going to spend that one life eating quinoa, then is that really a life lived at all?

Round 3.Snack Cake/Pastry (includes non-cookie baked goods, rice krispie treats, etc.)

Michael Grace-Zebra Cakes

When you’re a child, you might have wondered what it was like to eat a cloud. Sure, the wisdom of adulthood allows you the knowledge of knowing that it would be just frosty, probably a little dirty air. But as a kid, when everything is magic and rainbows, you imagine a sweet, soft delight. Perhaps cotton candy, perhaps a piece of moist vanilla cake covered in frosting just tense enough to crack when you first bite, but never giving credence to the idea that what you’re eating is anything short of a blissfully divine treat. Once consumed, your soul returns to your body, the problems of the daily grind resume. But wait, just as Master Yoda once said… “there is another.”

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The Ultimate Snack Food Draft: Rounds 1 and 2

The Ultimate Snack Food Draft: Rounds 1 and 2

What a long and strange quarantine it has been (and is continuing to be and will continue to be until there’s a vaccine because pandemics don’t just end because you are bored and miss patio brunch, Karen). Quarantine brought many things, but one of its biggest challenges is what we, as adults, ought to do with its biggest silver lining; spare time that we never thought we’d see until we are old enough for our testicles to touch the toilet water. All across the world, many people have spent these newfound hours learning new practical skills, picking up new hobbies, and committing to fitness, among countless other productive options. However, we have a feeling a lot of you are like us, and your quarantine checklist may have been edited from “commit to fitness” to “commit to ‘fitness’ whole-ass frozen pizza in my tummy’.

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Give Me Power

Give Me Power

There is no good reason to vote for Biden. I’ve read the arguments, and I’ve been trying to find one that exists within a moral framework, but it doesn’t exist. Biden is a shitbag ’90s Republican and Republicans are, at best, amoral.

There is reason to vote for Biden; he is not Trump. The end. “Biden is not Trump” is not a good reason to vote for someone, it is just a reason. Stop trying to convince me there is anything behind a vote for Biden aside from that. He has no policy positions that I can support, because he has no policies at all. Feel free to argue that he does — he has a website with some on it — but for fuck’s sake, he has a history, we know what that is, and it’s shit. Should he become President, he will continue to be shit. He’s as corrupt as everyone else, he’s a patriarchal moron, and he will absolutely cave to the Republicans at every opportunity. If you can’t see that, you haven’t been paying attention.

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Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition

Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition

Here at Fancy Boys Club, we love our writers, and we hope you do to. They work very hard to put out amazing and fun content for us and we think they’re really special.

But you should also be following them on twitter.

Here are some fun tweets from some of our writers over the last few days:

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March Fatness: Final Four, Part 2

March Fatness: Final Four, Part 2

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

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March Fatness: The Final Four, Part 1

March Fatness: The Final Four, Part 1

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

Continue reading “March Fatness: The Final Four, Part 1”