Fucking fuck goddamn it fucking fuck it all to goddamn fucking hell.
We don’t know.
We’re just really sad.
Week 1 of the NFL season is in the books. Matt Drufke has questions. Fancy Boys Football experts Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker have answers. Let’s mailbag.Continue reading “Fancy Boys Football: Week 1 Mailbag”
This is it, everyone. Five days of calorie tinged, heart attack inducing goodness. Five men entered the draft with dreams of delicious dominance. In round 10, one man’s quest will come to an end. This persson will be left with egg on his face. Enough about that, though. Let’s get to the final rounds of the draft!
Michael-Limón Pepino Gatorade
Limón-Pepino, or Lime-Cucumber, is the most refreshing Gatorade flavor there is. You know how cold Gatorade hits on a summer afternoon. Amplify that with the cool, crisp essence of cucumber, the most underrated vegetable, and lime, the lemon’s sassy sibling. It’s almost as if human progress was waiting for this delight to berth forth into our realm. It is a gift from the gods. It’s the equivalent of relaxing in a hidden lagoon after a day of digging ditches. The paradigm shift in your brainwaves is set off by a catalyst of soothing, subtle flavor and unprecedented thirst-quenching power. You are now made whole again, for the first time.
Brandon-Faygo Blue BerryContinue reading “The Ultimate Snack Foods Draft: Rounds 9 and 10”
Welcome to Rounds 7 and 8 of the Fancy Boys Club Ultimate Snack Foods Draft! Nothing salty or savory this time around. It’s all sweet. We are drafting frozen deserts and candy. These are the rounds where we can best jump back to the old days, as carefree children going to the grocery store and getting to pick something out to eat in the car ride home. Or maybe we are just a bunch of active and reformed drunks who will eat anything from 7/11 at three in the morning and be outwardly disappointed when they don’t have roller food. Let’s do this!
Continue reading “The Ultimate Snack Foods Draft: Rounds 7 and 8”
Michael Grace-Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food
“You slap some oreos into the blender along with Ben and Jerrys, then top it off with a Toblerone and buddy, you have yourself a party.”
We are back for another round of indulgence. Get on your sweatpants, baby, because where we are going, you won’t be needing anything that will constrict your waist line! Today we are doing snack cakes/pastrys and Cereal. Most people call that breakfast. Stoners call it dinner. We here at FBC call it a small snack. In a world where calories matter, and you are supposed to always look better than food tastes, Jake, Tim, Rick, Michael and myself are here to remind everyone to let your fat flag fly. You only get to live once, and if you are going to spend that one life eating quinoa, then is that really a life lived at all?
Round 3.Snack Cake/Pastry (includes non-cookie baked goods, rice krispie treats, etc.)
Michael Grace-Zebra Cakes
When you’re a child, you might have wondered what it was like to eat a cloud. Sure, the wisdom of adulthood allows you the knowledge of knowing that it would be just frosty, probably a little dirty air. But as a kid, when everything is magic and rainbows, you imagine a sweet, soft delight. Perhaps cotton candy, perhaps a piece of moist vanilla cake covered in frosting just tense enough to crack when you first bite, but never giving credence to the idea that what you’re eating is anything short of a blissfully divine treat. Once consumed, your soul returns to your body, the problems of the daily grind resume. But wait, just as Master Yoda once said… “there is another.”Continue reading “The Ultimate Snack Foods Draft: Rounds 3 and 4”
What a long and strange quarantine it has been (and is continuing to be and will continue to be until there’s a vaccine because pandemics don’t just end because you are bored and miss patio brunch, Karen). Quarantine brought many things, but one of its biggest challenges is what we, as adults, ought to do with its biggest silver lining; spare time that we never thought we’d see until we are old enough for our testicles to touch the toilet water. All across the world, many people have spent these newfound hours learning new practical skills, picking up new hobbies, and committing to fitness, among countless other productive options. However, we have a feeling a lot of you are like us, and your quarantine checklist may have been edited from “commit to fitness” to “commit to ‘fitness’ whole-ass frozen pizza in my tummy’.Continue reading “The Ultimate Snack Food Draft: Rounds 1 and 2”
There is no good reason to vote for Biden. I’ve read the arguments, and I’ve been trying to find one that exists within a moral framework, but it doesn’t exist. Biden is a shitbag ’90s Republican and Republicans are, at best, amoral.
There is a reason to vote for Biden; he is not Trump. The end. “Biden is not Trump” is not a good reason to vote for someone, it is just a reason. Stop trying to convince me there is anything behind a vote for Biden aside from that. He has no policy positions that I can support, because he has no policies at all. Feel free to argue that he does — he has a website with some on it — but for fuck’s sake, he has a history, we know what that is, and it’s shit. Should he become President, he will continue to be shit. He’s as corrupt as everyone else, he’s a patriarchal moron, and he will absolutely cave to the Republicans at every opportunity. If you can’t see that, you haven’t been paying attention.Continue reading “Give Me Power”
Here at Fancy Boys Club, we love our writers, and we hope you do to. They work very hard to put out amazing and fun content for us and we think they’re really special.
But you should also be following them on twitter.
Here are some fun tweets from some of our writers over the last few days:Continue reading “Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition”
After 5 weeks and 63 matches, March Fatness is complete!Continue reading “March Fatness: Your Champion!”
It all comes down to this!
With Wendy’s Chicken Sandwich beating Dairy Queen Blizzard, 58%-42%, they have moved on to the championship match where they gave the overall #1 seed in the tournament, Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich.
Let’s end this thing.