Brandon Andreasen, 5:58 PM: I’m back everyone! I was planning on skipping tonight, and just hanging out, having a few drinks and watching the draft after a long day of work. For those keeping track, I was at work all night last night to cover for my supervisor having the day off. I left work at 10:45 PM last night, and then to cover my first shift supervisor, I was back at work at 4:45 AM this morning. Well guess what? My second shift supervisor didn’t come to work again today, so i’m in the back end of an 18 hour work day today, and coming to you live as I slowly lose my mind!
Brandon Andreasen, 6:00 PM: The Bears are trying to trade up in the draft because….jesus. There really is no good reason for this. This has been widely said to be the deepest second round in 25 years, and the Bears are now trying to give up picks. I need to root for a new team. Come on XFL, make a comeback!
Brandon Andreasen, 6:06 PM: Before we get going, i’ve got some more thoughts on the Packers trading up and drafting Jordan Love. I kind of wrote it off last night as the Packers looking at the future, but it really was a bad move on a number of levels. If the Packers try to cut or trade Aaron Rodgers before or during each of the next two seasons, they will assume over 30 million dollars in dead money. One of the big pluses of drafting a quarterback is the ability to build a contending team while that quarterback is still on his rookie contract and, in essence, cost controlled. The Packers are punting on the first two years of his rookie deal without having a real feel for whether he will be good or not. He will always be 40% of the way through his contract by then. They could have drafted a quarterback next year or the year after and better luck. They could have also drafted a better quarterback.
Jordan Love is a getting a lot of click bait style Patrick Mahomes comparisons. These are not good comparisons. Patrick Mahomes was an incredibly confident quarterback who threw interceptions because he thought he could make literally every throw. Love threw a bunch of interceptions because he is inaccurate.
Third, as a Bears fan, the Packers, who were in the NFC Championship game last year, drafting Jordan Love doesn’t scare me. As a fan, i’m absolutely terrified of the Vikings drafting Justin Jefferson. The Packers did nothing to help their team, which gave up 300 rushing yards in the NFC Championship. They could have drafted Patrick Queen, who could have stepped in to be their opening day inside linebacker. I really don’t know what the thinking is.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:18 PM: We are off! And the deep wide receiving class shows itself again, as the Bengals take Tee Higgins out of Auburn. I love his ability to push around small cornerbacks and get himself in a good position to catch the ball. Sorry, i’ll get bored and stop being insightful soon.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:21 PM: Another wide receiver! Michael Pittman Jr. out of USC gets drafted to a Colts team with championship aspirations. I hate Michael Pittman. Not because of his talent, just because we are the same height, but he weighs 75 pounds less than me and people probably don’t recoil in horror when he takes his shirt off.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:27 PM: The Lions are up and they go…running back? D’Andre Swift is a fine running back, but the Detroit Lions already have Kerryon Johnson, and their defense is an absolute disaster still. There were plenty of really good defensive players available…Never change Detroit. Never, ever change.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:28 PM: The teams aren’t screwing around tonight. They are gonna try to have this round over in an hour and a half. Someone is trying to get drunk at Kliff Kingsbury’s drug dealer house tonight. That somebody? Everybody. Seriously, did anyone catch the day bed by the perfectly manicured yard and what not. Kliff Kingsbury fucks, folks.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:33 PM: NOOOOOO!!!! I was desperately hoping Xavier McKinney was going to fall to the Bears and make an all Alabama safety squad. He was graded into the mid first round but falls to the second due to a sub par 40 time at the combine. He is going to be a day one starter for the Giants, due in no small part to the fact that the Giants are awful.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:34 PM: Bill Belichek is being represented by a tiny Malamute, and that tiny Malamute drafted Kyle Dugger out of a college I refuse to believe exists. Lenoir-Rhyne College sounds like an east coast school where you don’t pick a major, the major picks you. Thats where you go to college if you are trying to figure out your sexuality via a 17th Century Alternative Greek Art class, not where you go to play football. Lenoir-Rhyne is a group th….hold on.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:36 PM: The Panthers selected what sounds like the name of the Rancor Guard at the beginning of Return of the Jedi. Oh my god, his dad died saving him from drowing, and his brother died after being hit by lightning. That is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. You be you, Gross-Matos. You be you.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:38 PM: Congrats to whoever at ESPN got into the production department and destroyed the Lenny Kravitz cassingle they were using last night, and replacing it with The Weeknd.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:47 PM: The Texans draft Ross Blacklock out of TCU, then Bill O’brien immediately traded him, along with O’Brien’s sons to Atlanta for Desmond Trufant’s bloated contract.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:50 PM: The Colts trade up and get my favorite day two player, Jonathon Taylor out of Wisconsin. The Colts are going all in on offense at this point. It’s going to be thrilling to watch Philip Rivers gets all of these new weapons murdered overthrowing them across the middle.
Brandon Andreasen, 6:53 PM: i’m going to choose now to pre-preemptively get angry about who the Bears pick. Antoine Winfield Jr is there. Grant Delpit is there. Denzel Mims is there. There are so many good players. Please don’t screw it up. Please don’t screw it up. Please don’t screw it up…
Brandon Andreasen, 6:56 PM: Laviska Shenault Jr. went to Colorado and passing on an offer to Alabama, because he wanted to go to a team that wasn’t on the map, yet. SUCK IT, KORDELL STEWART!!
Brandon Andreasen, 6:58 PM: MOTHER FUCKERS. THE BEARS ALREADY HAVE 18 TIGHT ENDS ON THE FUCKING ROSTER! ON WHAT PLANET, WHEN YOU HAVE SO MANY NEEDS, DO YOU DRAFT A TIGHT END WHEN YOU JUST SIGNED JIMMY GRAHAM TO AN INFINITELY STUPID CONTRACT. SERIOUSLY, FUCKING STUPID.
Brandon Andreasen, 7:08 PM: And there it is. Grant Delpit goes to the Cleveland Browns. Pretty thrilling to watch the Browns make the common sense move right after the Bears shoot themselves in the dick.
Brandon Andreasen, 7:11 PM: Oh, and there goes Antoine Winfield Jr. Two guys who play safety and can make plays against running backs in the box, which allows Eddie Jackson to play his more natural position. But the Bears drafted a fucking tight end who can’t even be on the field at the same time as the washed up tight end they signed for no reason with their limited free agency space, because neither is a blocking tight end, and putting both on the field is gonna end up getting one or both of their quarterbacks killed.
Brandon Andreasen, 7:21 PM: The Bears are gonna draft a punter next. Mark my words.
Brandon Andreasen, 7:26 PM: Just an aside. I’m still predicting that the Steelers are going to sign Jameis Winston. Big Ben gets injured four weeks into the season. Winston leads them to the AFC Championship game.
Brandon Andreasen, 7:30 PM: Jaylon Johnson goes to the Bears. I don’t hate this pick. Artie Burns isn’t exactly a monster at cornerback, and this guy played the entire year with a torn labrum. That’s a tough thing to do when you are trying to bump receivers. This pick walks me back off the edge a little bit, but seriously, Kole Kmet??
Brandon Andreasen, 7:40 PM: Is Mike McCarthy using oversized pictures of his kids as window blinds?
Brandon Andreasen, 7:42 PM: I’m going for a walk to calm down and i’ll probably get back just in time to find out the Bears traded their first round pick next year to get back into the second round this year and draft a punter.
Brandon Andreasen, 7:56 PM: To be honest, I wish I was a Ravens fan. Every year, you know they go in with a great drafting strategy. They know exactly what they are as a team and they don’t deviate. They draft to make themselves stronger and contend every year. It’s a testament to the team that they switched General Managers a couple years ago and didn’t skip a beat. They are playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers.
Brandon Andreasen, 8:05 PM: Ok, so i’ve got a pet peeve. I knew people were going to be dressed more comfortably this year, but the number of sweat pants i’m seeing is starting to bug the shit out of me. There is an ESPN camera in your house. Wear some jeans you fucking hobos.