Still A Child: the Lost and Lonely Youth of Adele

Still A Child: the Lost and Lonely Youth of Adele

On 30, Adele’s first album in six years, she grapples with the fallout from her divorce, both in herself and through the lens of her son. There is an art to bring pragmatically selfish. Trying to stay together for the child or separating, the inevitability of trauma forces those involved to consider their own needs as well. The nuance of mental health for all parties involved creates a void that is only filled by the realization that the best thing to do is often the worst thing to do. The album is a loose concept based on the reconciliation and justification of her big decision, and it’s one that hits close to home for a generation speeding headlong into middle age, trying desperately to not make the mistakes of our parents.

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What Is The Best Movie From Each Of The Ocean’s Eleven Actors: A Deep Dive

What Is The Best Movie From Each Of The Ocean’s Eleven Actors: A Deep Dive

Released twenty years ago this December, Ocean’s Eleven made $450 million dollars at the box office, and it is not hard, at all, to see why. Director Steven Soderbergh (who gave us this year’s very fantastic film No Sudden Move) made this Las Vegas heist movie fun and cool, and that was exactly what we, as a nation, needed. No one does fun and cool like Soderbergh, which is impressive considering that “cool and fun” is maybe his second- or even third- best gear. Soderbergh is aware of how successful the Ocean’s trilogy is and how well they’re known in popular culture; in his 2017 heist film Logan Lucky, he has a reporter refer to the caper as “Ocean’s 7/11”.

It is fair to say that Soderbergh stacked the deck with Ocean’s Eleven, as it seems impossible not to make a cool movie when you have Don Cheadle, Brad Pitt, and George Clooney in your cast. David Mamet (in his own heist movie, appropriately titled Heist) had a character describe a master thief this way: “My motherfucker’s so cool that when he goes to bed, sheep count him.” It’s impossible to not have these words apply to any of the three actors I listed above.

Ocean’s Eleven had a massive strength in that it had a ton of cool and fun and impressive actors all working in harmony. And while some of these actors have gone on to have more successful careers, it’s hard to imagine anyone in this movie being recast. In this film, they are all perfect. And it led me to ask myself: What are the best movies that were made from each of Danny Ocean’s (Clooney) crew that isn’t an Ocean’s Eleven movie?

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What We’re Really Talking About When We Talk About The People Talking About How They’re Upset At People Talking About Dave Chappelle

What We’re Really Talking About When We Talk About The People Talking About How They’re Upset At People Talking About Dave Chappelle

On Tuesday, Dave Chappelle released his sixth Netflix special, The Closer, and that could only mean one thing: my social media feeds were intolerable for most of the week. You think it’ s bad hearing about your Aunt Janice’s nonstop bout with carpal tunnel? Just become a comedian and, I promise you, after twelve hours, you’ll be begging to hear more about wrist guards.

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Norm Macdonald: 1959-2021

Norm Macdonald: 1959-2021

Let me start by first saying the obvious: Fuck Cancer. Let me continue by saying something else that is obvious: Norm Macdonald was one of the best, smartest, and most loved comedians that ever lived. The way he told jokes put him in a class all of his own. He never seemed to care about the trends of comedy. He never mattered much for kissing the ring of the latest sensation in stand up. For nearly five decades, he just went out and was quintessentially Norm Macdonald, a character nobody else could possibly play.

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I Solve All Your Problems: You Don’t Like Biden’s Vaccine Mandate…

I Solve All Your Problems: You Don’t Like Biden’s Vaccine Mandate…

If your social media is anything like mine, the last half week has been filled with people angry at President Biden’s announced vaccine mandate. To summarize in case you haven’t picked up the internet: if your business has over 100 employees, they all have to be vaccinated or tested weekly or your business could suffer financial penalties.

“Tyranny,” some have cried out. “This is pure madness by a government gone wrong!” Granted, most of those people have been big gaping sacks of dumb, but they have a voice and we should consider what they’re saying. After all, we have to accept that there are people who just aren’t going to get vaccinated.

Not only that, but there’s good news: those same dummies crying “Tyranny!” are the same numbskulls who are going to fix another one of our nation’s current problems. I’ve figured it all out.

You’re welcome.


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I Solve Your School District’s Problems: Mask Mandates & CRT

I Solve Your School District’s Problems: Mask Mandates & CRT

As we approach the end of July, it is time for us to start thinking about the return of the school year. Yes, it is time for classes and books and teacher’s dirty looks and the other things Alice Cooper doesn’t care for to come back into the swing of things. However, over the last school year, people have seemed to get a lot more heated about exactly what is going on in our education systems. Parents are screaming at school board meetings and posting insane things on social media, because as we all know, watching a youtube video makes you an expert on any topic. And, good gravy, there are two specific topics which are driving people into a frenzy. I’m talking, of course, about mask mandates and Critical Race Theory (CRT). Republicans are hoping to whip up an enormous amount of fear and ride these two topics to big gains in the 2022 midterm elections. Most of us just wish people would shut up and let teachers do their job. But, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen, because everyone who shouldn’t have an opinion seems to be having the worst opinions.

Don’t worry though, everyone: I got this. I had a cup of coffee and a good breakfast and I’ve figured out some simple solutions we can all agree on.

You’re welcome.

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The Anthony Fauci Email That The Deep State Is Hiding From You

The Anthony Fauci Email That The Deep State Is Hiding From You

Weeks ago, due to a FOIA request, the emails (electronic mails) from Dr. Anthony Fauci were shown to the public and people lost their fucking minds. Granted, almost every fucking one of those people were really stupid (to be fair, others were deliberate liars and some were just gullible), but there is no doubt that this became a major news story. Conservatives dubbed it “Fauci-Gate”, because they love putting that suffix on the end of, basically everything. Other, more reasonable people, read the emails with the added benefit of hindsight and realized that everything that was said was, literally, no big deal at all.

However, there is one email that was not released that would shock the world.

And I would know, because I was the recipient of that email.

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Turn That Genetically-Modified Microchipped Frown Upside-Down: Confronting Fears About Vaccination

Turn That Genetically-Modified Microchipped Frown Upside-Down: Confronting Fears About Vaccination

The reality is that while the vaccination rollout in the country has been pretty amazing, it’s starting to hit a speed bump I don’t think a lot of people expected: too many people are choosing to not participate, leading our nation to worry we may not hit the herd immunity number. For reasonable Americans, this causes a great deal of confusion, anxiety and trepidation. That being said, I imagine Tucker Carlson and Jenny McCarthy meet to talk about this and excitedly bone every night. Shame on you, Jenny… you’re married.

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