Last Thursday around noon, I saw a Facebook post from the Chicago comedian Tristan Smith telling everyone to turn on Fox News. This is a weird request for most people, in general, but for Tristan, specifically. However, that was all it took for me to understand what was happening:
Rudy Giuliani was making a fool of himself.
Continue reading “If You Seek Rudy”
Next week, millions of Americans will make the choice to not have large family gatherings for Thanksgiving. Granted, millions will also decide to go ahead and pretend like nothing is different, which is why we will be in a lockdown until Joe Biden’s second term as president.
Continue reading “Thanksgiving Isn’t Really That Great: Reasons To Stay Home This Year”
On Saturday, I said that there was no worse group of people on Facebook than the people who said that COVID would somehow mysteriously disappear the day after the election (fun fact: it has not). Well, it looks like there is a new group out there and they’re giving the COVID dickheads a real run for their money.
Continue reading “Parler Games”
I’d like to answer, “What’s another way this year can suck?”, please.
Continue reading “Remembering Alex Trebek (1940-2020)”
We’re just six days away from the election. I thought I would answer some questions you may have about the election, what you can do, polling, and a bunch of other fun stuff. Let’s get into it.
Continue reading “Election 2020: All Of Your Questions Answered!”
Look, let’s just lay all of our cards out on the table: the world kinda fucking sucks right now.
In two weeks, the United States will have an election where, whoever wins, half of the country will think that the worst thing in the world is happening. We’re under restrictions as COVID has taken over a million lives worldwide. At any given point, any part of the world could be on fire. There are riots and protests and, also, Hulu didn’t renew High Fidelity for a second season and I was kind of getting into that show.
And we haven’t even talked about the internet.
Continue reading “The Greatest YouTube Clip Of All Time”
One of the most ridiculous stories to come from President Trump’s first term was when he tried to purchase Greenland, presumably to make it another state (or, at the very least, another U.S. territory). It was met with general scoffing and mockery from both political sides (save for the Donald’s most ardent bootlickers) and seen by many as a petulant child getting upset that he couldn’t buy anything he wanted. I remember finding the idea ridiculous back in 2019. But now, I’m not so sure.
Now, I kind of think it’s fucking dope.
But why stop there?
Continue reading “The Next 50 Stars: My Plan To Get America To 100 States”
Fucking fuck goddamn it fucking fuck it all to goddamn fucking hell.
We don’t know.
We’re just really sad.
hours minutes seconds
There is no way to understate this: Life, as we know it, is going to get better in a few weeks.
Continue reading “Countdown To Hope And Joy And Also Chris Rock”
Everything that exists this year has a “Oh, this is 2020” moment, and Sunday night’s VMAs were no exception. I just didn’t expect it to happen in the first four minutes of the broadcast
Continue reading “The MTV VMAs: The Most Important Unimportant Event”