Roughneck Report, Take 5

With all the hubbub, hullabaloo or both if you prefer (after all it is your life), I completely neglected to scribble out something for the Roughneck Report, Take 5.

I mean what was I thinking about? What else could possibly be going on to thwart me from my duties as the Roughnecks numero uno fan of the fan base probably only known by me as the Rowdies?

I could have been thinking that maybe… possibly… along the lines of our esteemed federal government this whole ‘virus thing’ would blow over, cross our collective paths like an errant tumbleweed across the great American desert.

Well my friends, that was not it. Those of us who are relatively sane knew how the Administration of the Bloated Circus Peanut would stumble around like a bantamweight after a Henry Cejudo haymaker and for certain fuck this whole mess up.

Oh well, back to the report. Okay. The Roughnecks have finished the aborted season undefeated and for certain are the de facto champions for the 2020 XFL season which may possibly be the only XFL season.

Hand them the fucking trophy Vince McMahon, which I think is just his head in a fabulous bronze patina.

Congrats Roughnecks. Now you can afford to go out and find a logo that doesn’t rip-off the old Houston Oilers.

No ending cheer. Season’s over.

PS Seriously be safe out there and do not trust in the Federal Government to give two shits about you and your family, not with the bleating yam in charge.

PPS Weezer really got me pumped to whip this little old report right quickly. Thanks!

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March Fatness: Friday Results & Final Four Matchups

March Fatness: Friday Results & Final Four Matchups

Over the past four weeks, we have had you, the loyal and devoted readers of Fancy Boys Club, determine which of the 64 fast food items we gave you would make their way to our Final Four. We called it March Fatness. And this week, we determine our winner.

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The Next Person Who Compares this to The Flu is the Next Person I Stab in the Fucking Neck

The Next Person Who Compares this to The Flu is the Next Person I Stab in the Fucking Neck

Title courtesy of Matt Drufke. And you know what? Matt can use the word ‘fucking’ because frankly you’d have to be a complete moron to think this is ‘just like the flu.’ Yes, it is not recommended one uses the words ‘moron’ or ‘fucking’ if you want to engage your reader at the beginning of your article, but for fuck’s sake this whole ‘it’s just the flu’ is sheer idiocy. Why be nice about it?

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Wonders of Woodstock – The Eateries, Part I of II: Woodstock Square

In the time we are currently living in what’s better than to take stock of what we can’t do right now in Woodstock, Illinois – dine in. But first, I must digress before we digest.

I thought I could stretch this to three parts, but then I’d have to count the McHenry County Courthouse as a place to eat. Trust me it’s not, as the vending machines suck. Plus, the McHenry County Courthouse is where I got my car keyed. You’d think the person who did it would have had enough sense not to do it in a parking lot full of cops, but no, my ex-wife did it anyway. Before you laugh at her absolute awful place to pick? Stop. She got away with it. The McHenry County Courthouse has so many cops around they don’t have cameras in the parking lot. She confessed much later to our kids and that’s the only reason I know. How special.

Thanks for allowing me to get that off my chest. Much better now.

Continue reading “Wonders of Woodstock – The Eateries, Part I of II: Woodstock Square”

March Fatness: A Deep Dive into the Elite Eight

March Fatness: A Deep Dive into the Elite Eight

Starting three weeks ago, March Fatness was our way to determine the best fast food item available. Our staff put together what they felt was the best bracket. At this point, eight items remain. Let’s take a look at who they are and how they got there.

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Into The Unknown: A Guide To Comforting Your Children In These Troubling Times

Into The Unknown: A Guide To Comforting Your Children In These Troubling Times

So, things are scary right now and you have some young kiddos and you need to make sure they feel safe and secure, right? You need to make sure that they know that everything is going to be OK. I get it.

So first, let’s get this out of the way, everything IS going to be OK. You’re fine. Your kids are going to be fine. Your husband or wife is going to be fine. Your parents… well there is like an 84 percent change they are going to be just fine. Sure, you don’t exactly work in an “essential field” and there is a decent chance you are going to be laid off or at least furloughed. But hey, on the bright side, you learned the word furloughed today and that’s something to hang your hat on.

Remember that day of your best friend’s wedding when you learned the word veranda? That was a wonderful, beautiful day, and this day is exactly like that day. You are learning new words and it is exactly the same thing. So, don’t worry about getting furloughed. Grab a beer, sit out on the veranda and enjoy the nice March weather! Is it too chilly for that? I haven’t been outside in like a week, but I’m sure it’s perfect veranda weather!

Now that all of that is out of the way and… wow you chugged that beer real quick huh? Ok grab another, I’ll wait. It’s cool.

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I’m scared… and I want to talk about it

You can listen to a lot of people and get a lot of different thoughts about how dangerous the COVID-19 pandemic is.

If you listened to the President yesterday, it’s pretty serious. If you listened to him a few weeks ago, it’s no big deal. If you listened to Infowars contributor Mike Adams (the self-appointed “Health Ranger”), “It’s over for humanity. There will be only loyal survivors.”

You should never listen to Mike Adams.

Continue reading “I’m scared… and I want to talk about it”