Author: Brandon Andreasen

Football Gambling Writer. Comedy Writer Twitter: @awfulmusicfacts fancyboysclub.com footballabsurdity.com
Music/Movies

3 For the Road: Clerks III Review

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3 For the Road: Clerks III Review

For people of a certain age, the Kevin Smith universe is one in which most have at least stepped foot in. From the original Clerks, to it’s sequel, to all the movies that are (relatively) canon, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, millions are familiar with the interactions and catchphrases set in suburban New Jersey. The characters and in jokes that criss cross the landscape created by Smith. But as all things, there must be an ending. Why did it have to be so damn sad?

***There are no real spoilers in this review. Not totally sure you would believe me, anyway***

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NFL, Sports, Uncategorized

Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 2

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Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 2

Week one of the NFL season is usually a high variant week because our impressions of teams are based on nothing more than assumptions, predictions, and results from a year ago. Even given that, week one of the NFL season this year was absolutely bonkers. From 2:30 PM-4:00 PM CST on Sunday is why Redzone exists. If you were watching, you saw the Browns win a game at the buzzer against the Panthers on a 55 yard field goal by a kicker in his first career game. Then you saw the Bengals and Steelers kickers lose their absolute minds and run a game down to the wire that should have ended no fewer than five times. Then the Saints went down field at the end of regulation to kick what should have been a game winning field goal, only to have Atlanta get into range in 15 seconds before the Saints blocked a game winning field goal attempt. Then you got to watch an absolute embarrassment between the Texans and the Colts. Then you got to watch Patrick Mahomes starting to absolutely and surgically ruin the Cardinals.

It’s going to be a fun season.

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television, Uncategorized, Wrestling

Two Ships Keep Passing in the Night, But Never in the Same Direction

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Two Ships Keep Passing in the Night, But Never in the Same Direction

On Sunday night, All Elite Wrestling, the upstart promotion run by Tony Khan, the son of Jacksonville Jaguars owner Shad Khan, had their biggest event of the year at Now Arena in Hoffman Estates, IL. Odds are, though, if you have heard anything about the proceedings of the evening, you aren’t aware of the wrestling so much as the post show fire bombing of the company by newly crowned champion CM Punk.

For those that know the Lockport, IL born wrestler, he is a soothsayer and a truth teller. He is a great wrestler and gatekeeper of the sport, but also acerbic and short tempered with those he feels has crossed him or wronged him in any way. He is as notable for his promos as he is for much of what he has done in the ring. On Sunday night, he decided to light an M-80 and throw it into the AEW toilet to see how hard he could blow it all up.

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NFL, Sports, Uncategorized

Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 1

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 1
Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 1

Welcome back to the Fancy Boys Club Power Rankings! Let’s hope I don’t lose interest and I keep it up the entire season. We are less than two weeks until the NFL season and teams have survived the preseason without much in terms of major injuries, with the notable exception of the Baltimore Ravens mascot.

The 2022 season will start after one of the most unprecedented offseasons in league history. For those who weren’t keeping track, Aaron Rodgers did his yearly asshat routine before coming back to the Packers. The team showed their appreciation by trading Davante Adams to the Raiders. Abstinence advocate Russell Wilson was traded to a Broncos team that suddenly looks more dangerous with an NFL quarterback behind center. Massage enthusiast and noted sexual predator Deshaun Watson escaped Houston by being traded to one of the most morally bankrupt teams in a league full of them, then got suspended for 2/3 of the season. Tom Brady retired, definitely tried going to Miami until the hole they were digging themselves into got too deep, then returned to Tampa. The Chiefs sent Tyreke Hill to the Dolphins, and he proceeded to say a bunch of dumb things to the media. A year after trading multiple draft picks for Carson Wentz, every “well, actually” football fan’s favorite quarterback this side of Kirk Cousins, the Colts jettisoned him to Washington and traded for whatever is left of Matt Ryan. And the Eagles traded for AJ Brown so they can watch Jalen Hurts throw the ball way over his head on every ten yard out pattern.

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Advice, Comedy

What’s In Brandon’s Head 8/3 Edition

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What’s In Brandon’s Head 8/3 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

Bullet Train is Pure Insansity

It’s always refreshing to go to a movie and enjoy yourself. This is difficult for me because I don’t like the horror genre, and the only thing that makes me break out in hives more than super hero movies is bee stings. (very literally on the bee sting front. My buddy Chabus had to drive me to the hospital one time because I nearly My Girl’d myself.)

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Advice, Comedy

WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition

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WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

RIP To The Choco Taco

Companies reveal and remove food items from our lives all the time. When you are a fat, this hits you particularly hard. And as a noted fat, I was heartbroken to learn that Klondike had decided to discontinue the Choco Taco, a sweet treat of a taco made of a waffle cone, ice cream, and then dipped in chocolate. It’s July, a month that is specifically taxing on people of girth. We need our cool treats (shout out to my buddy Mongoloid Mike who was out of town on my birthday, so he Door Dash’d me ice cream sandwiches from Coldstone) to help us survive the sweltering heat. We don’t melt like snowmen, we die of heat stroke while trying to mow the yard.

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Advice, Comedy

WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/20 EDITION

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WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/20 EDITION

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

Ted Cruz Is An Idiot: Part 8,128,903

Everyone’s favorite dumpy uncle who has gotten scammed by three ponzi schemes has decided to go and run his mouth, again. Ted Cruz, whose main existence was to make Jeb Bush seem likeable in 2016, said on Saturday that he thinks that the Supreme Court should repeal same sex marriage. Remember when, after Roe vs. Wade was overturned, everyone was concerned that Republicans were going to come for gay marriage next, and then every conservative said “nooooo, we would never do that,” well that lasted all of three weeks.

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Advice, Comedy

What’s In Brandon’s Head 07/13 Edition

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What’s In Brandon’s Head 07/13 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

Vince McMahon is a monster/wrestling fandom is toxic

Over the past month, World Wrestling Entertainment CEO and primary shareholder Vince McMahon has been outed by the Wall Street Journal as having covered up four affairs with women within the company with hush money over the past decade and a half, while he was running a publicly traded company. All told, he spent over 12 million dollars making sure that his tv image of being a womanizing asshole who never suffers any actual repercussions for his actions wouldn’t be sullied.

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Sports

Where Will Kevin Durant End Up

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Kevin Durant is one of the best basketball players ever. He is also looking for a new home. The problem with the NBA is, there are only 29 other jobs out there if he doesn’t want to be a Brooklyn Net. And there are only 28 other teams, because I feel pretty safe in saying that Golden State is fine winning championships without him. And i’ll just say 27 other teams, because i’m a miserly Chicago sports fan who cannot even dream of the concept of a player of Durant’s caliber ending up on the Bulls. I’ll just go on pretending that things will be just as good with Zach Lavine.

The other problem with the NBA is, they have a pesky thing called a salary cap. The farther over the cap you are, the more excessive you pay into the luxury tax. The rule is made to keep teams from assembling rosters so loaded with talent, that the entire point of having an NBA season goes out the window.

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