Author: Brandon Andreasen

Football Gambling Writer. Comedy Writer Twitter: @awfulmusicfacts fancyboysclub.com footballabsurdity.com
Advice, Comedy

What’s In Brandon’s Head 8/3 Edition

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on What’s In Brandon’s Head 8/3 Edition
What’s In Brandon’s Head 8/3 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

Bullet Train is Pure Insansity

It’s always refreshing to go to a movie and enjoy yourself. This is difficult for me because I don’t like the horror genre, and the only thing that makes me break out in hives more than super hero movies is bee stings. (very literally on the bee sting front. My buddy Chabus had to drive me to the hospital one time because I nearly My Girl’d myself.)

Continue reading “What’s In Brandon’s Head 8/3 Edition” →
Advice, Comedy

WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition
WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

RIP To The Choco Taco

Companies reveal and remove food items from our lives all the time. When you are a fat, this hits you particularly hard. And as a noted fat, I was heartbroken to learn that Klondike had decided to discontinue the Choco Taco, a sweet treat of a taco made of a waffle cone, ice cream, and then dipped in chocolate. It’s July, a month that is specifically taxing on people of girth. We need our cool treats (shout out to my buddy Mongoloid Mike who was out of town on my birthday, so he Door Dash’d me ice cream sandwiches from Coldstone) to help us survive the sweltering heat. We don’t melt like snowmen, we die of heat stroke while trying to mow the yard.

Continue reading “WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition” →
Advice, Comedy

WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/20 EDITION

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/20 EDITION
WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/20 EDITION

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

Ted Cruz Is An Idiot: Part 8,128,903

Everyone’s favorite dumpy uncle who has gotten scammed by three ponzi schemes has decided to go and run his mouth, again. Ted Cruz, whose main existence was to make Jeb Bush seem likeable in 2016, said on Saturday that he thinks that the Supreme Court should repeal same sex marriage. Remember when, after Roe vs. Wade was overturned, everyone was concerned that Republicans were going to come for gay marriage next, and then every conservative said “nooooo, we would never do that,” well that lasted all of three weeks.

Continue reading “WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/20 EDITION” →
Advice, Comedy

What’s In Brandon’s Head 07/13 Edition

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on What’s In Brandon’s Head 07/13 Edition
What’s In Brandon’s Head 07/13 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

Vince McMahon is a monster/wrestling fandom is toxic

Over the past month, World Wrestling Entertainment CEO and primary shareholder Vince McMahon has been outed by the Wall Street Journal as having covered up four affairs with women within the company with hush money over the past decade and a half, while he was running a publicly traded company. All told, he spent over 12 million dollars making sure that his tv image of being a womanizing asshole who never suffers any actual repercussions for his actions wouldn’t be sullied.

Continue reading “What’s In Brandon’s Head 07/13 Edition” →
Sports

Where Will Kevin Durant End Up

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Where Will Kevin Durant End Up

Kevin Durant is one of the best basketball players ever. He is also looking for a new home. The problem with the NBA is, there are only 29 other jobs out there if he doesn’t want to be a Brooklyn Net. And there are only 28 other teams, because I feel pretty safe in saying that Golden State is fine winning championships without him. And i’ll just say 27 other teams, because i’m a miserly Chicago sports fan who cannot even dream of the concept of a player of Durant’s caliber ending up on the Bulls. I’ll just go on pretending that things will be just as good with Zach Lavine.

The other problem with the NBA is, they have a pesky thing called a salary cap. The farther over the cap you are, the more excessive you pay into the luxury tax. The rule is made to keep teams from assembling rosters so loaded with talent, that the entire point of having an NBA season goes out the window.

Continue reading “Where Will Kevin Durant End Up” →
Sports

Brandon Solves The Internet: Chicago Sports Edition

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Brandon Solves The Internet: Chicago Sports Edition
Brandon Solves The Internet: Chicago Sports Edition

Welcome back to another edition of Brandon Solves the Internet. Whenever he feels like it, he answers questions he finds around the internet (or gets drunkenly screamed at while at the bar). This week, Brandon is answering questions about all of the Chicago sports teams.

If the Bears catch a few breaks, can they surprise people and be a playoff team?

Brandon: No. God no. I’ve noticed over the past couple seasons that there is a large amount of Bears fans deciding their opinions on the Bears by reading Bears Twitter, which is mostly composed of failed influencers and people who build their followings by dedicating themselves to appealing to the lowest common denominator of fans. They give the absolute dumbest opinions with absolutely no use for proof. Bears Twitter is the Porn Hub comment section of fandom.

Continue reading “Brandon Solves The Internet: Chicago Sports Edition” →
Wrestling

Scott Hall 1958-2022

by Brandon Andreasen1 Comment on Scott Hall 1958-2022
Scott Hall 1958-2022

Very few people can say they were the face of a seismic shift in an industry. No matter the medium, more often than not the status quo reigns supreme. Often, when someone helps author massive change, it isn’t appreciated until after the fact. Luckily, Scott Hall’s career apexed at a point when he did bring change to the wrestling industry, it was felt in the moment. Scott Hall is one of the most important people in the history of wrestling, and has a great responsibility to what wrestling evolved into.

Hall passed away on Monday due to complications relating to hip replacement surgery. His body was eroded by three decades in the wrestling industry coupled with a hard lived life that caused many to believe he wouldn’t make it this far. Nobody gets out of wrestling in one piece when you are a part of it for as long as Hall was and the history of wrestling is littered with stories of people Hall, but very few reached such heights and helped redefine the business.

Continue reading “Scott Hall 1958-2022” →
baseball, Sports

This Isn’t The Player’s Fault

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on This Isn’t The Player’s Fault
This Isn’t The Player’s Fault

Last week, MLB players were supposed to start Spring Training. Currently, they are sitting at home, waiting. Due to an ongoing lock out, Major League Baseball has been put on pause, with the threat of part of the baseball season being cancelled. As with all things such as this, there is a lot of acrimony involved, and unfortunately, a lot of the negativity is being directed towards the players. This is wrong.

The players are not to blame for this fora number of reasons, but the biggest reason is this: The players are not on strike. The players are ready to go back to work immediately under the parameters of the most recent Collective Bargaining agreement. The owners have locked out the players in an effort to further restrict player’s abilities to make money while maximizing profits for teams that are not currently putting in an effort to win games.

Continue reading “This Isn’t The Player’s Fault” →