February 7, 2021- It’s midway through the first quarter of Super Bowl LV, and in his suite, Kansas City Chiefs owner Clark Hunt is already celebrating. His team, the expected favorite for tonight’s game, has just taken a 3-0 lead over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Surely, the Chiefs would be winning their second consecutive Super Bowl and he would be returning to Kansas City with the Lombardi Trophy and ready to bask in the praise the city would throw his way.
Born 78 years ago in Chicago, Harrison Ford has been acting since the 1960’s, and it’s hard to imagine an acting career you would want more. Despite only being nominated for one Oscar (1985’s Witness, where he lost to William Hurt in Kiss Of The Spider Woman), the dude has a resume that is pretty unfuckwithable. He was Indiana Jones, Han Solo, Jack Ryan, Dr. Richard Kimble and Rick Deckard. The dude knows how to play characters who make crazy box offices.
He’s also old. That seems obvious, but it raises a lot of interesting questions. And here is the one I’m going to focus on right now:
Editors Note: Fancy Boys Club Co-Founder Brandon Andreasen has never watched The Bachelor before. His Mondays are normally reserved for Professional Wrestling, which he suspects is more real than The Bachelor. He is going to review and comment as he watches. Check back every Tuesday on Fancy Boys Club for Brandon’s thoughts on this new and scary endeavor.
My worst fears have been confirmed. Every episode is two hours long. For those that need a quick recap of last week, I suggest you watch the WWF classic Royal Rumble 1989. It’s like that, only infinitely more passive aggressive. I feel like the women are going to start getting more brazen towards eachother as they battle for the love of Matt, noted fit human being and cuff link contemplator.
How are they going to start this episode? Last week, we got a dildo!
Apparently the Zambonis have all been finally fixed and are able to smooth the ice so the NHL can begin their season January 13th. Luckily the 13th is not a Friday, but it may as well be. Yeah I know, it’s not the Zambonis’ fault they haven’t started the season. It was NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman’s fault. Fine, it was COVID… or how best to navigate COVID. But, Bettman is such an awful commissioner he’s always the person to point at for NHL problems.
Last year, as you may recall it since the season just ended in the middle of September, the Tampa Bay Lightning took home Lord Stanley’s Cup. It’s so 2020 to have a team that never has any ice outside of its arena claim the Cup.
Yeah, I know. That was so last Fall. So who’s going to hoist the Cup this year… whenever the season ends given the specter of COVID? The season is slated for 56 games, roughly 2/3rds of a normal season. But for the NHL, 56 games is enough to determine who should make the playoffs and who shouldn’t since nearly every team makes the playoffs anyway. A full 16 out of 31 teams make the playoffs. Next year it’ll be a full 50% as the Seattle Kraken are coming. Damn it I love that name.
A side note: before we get into the deep chasms of ice and hand out predictions easier than a dirty carny hands out tainted sno-cones, we have a couple rule changes to go over.
Number 1 – Offsides is now determined to not occur until the offensive players last skate completely crosses the blue line. Ergo, if a skater’s foot is in the air, but still behind or above the line when the puck completely crosses the blue line, he is onside. I am dubbing this the “phantom foot” as I can envision a lot of extended time being allotted while the NHL replay monitors in Toronto spend minutes drinking Labatt’s and deciding if the foot was or wasn’t over as it hovers in frozen time threatening to cross it.
Number 2 – the Colorado Avalanche are allowed to play with an extra attacker the entire season.
Fine, the second one doesn’t exist. It should though. It’s only fair as their goalie situation is still as shaky as spring pond hockey. That’s the reason why they didn’t make it to the final and soundly whip that team from the south. Should I go on with my predictions? Isn’t that enough?
COVID affected every aspect of our lives, including the art we consumed and, perhaps more importantly, how we consume it. We couldn’t go to the movie theater. Many artists we releasing their “quarantine albums”. Most shows and movies had to stop production for some period of time. Sports went away and then came back under weird conditions.
But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a great year for the arts. It was just… different.
Because of this, we scrapped our plans to write the “Best Of” articles that usually appear in magazines and websites. We’re bringing back the Friday Five. We asked our writers and guest contributors to list their five favorite pieces of consumed media from the last year.
If one were to ask me, I’d say I am a casual fan of many teams – if one were to define ‘casual’ as being one who has at least enough in their tool belt of fandom to whip out the right tool for the job for discussion. I cannot recite stats. I cannot pull team folklore and craziness out of my ass and relate it to some event in a personal manner.
Nor do I want to do it.
That sort of fandom to me is a tad excessive as well as obsessive and I can see why athletes get a little wary of those types – the adults who wear a guy’s jersey and then ask for an autograph. In fact, I will take it a step further – wearing anyone’s jersey seems a bit excessive. You’re not them, that’s not your name on the back. Why are you wearing someone else’s name on your back? Why are you spending so much time and effort following a team as if you are a part of the team? And why are you all dressing up like this clown?
Here’s a little advice Bears fans – don’t. Ditka never liked you. Ever.
Next week, millions of Americans will make the choice to not have large family gatherings for Thanksgiving. Granted, millions will also decide to go ahead and pretend like nothing is different, which is why we will be in a lockdown until Joe Biden’s second term as president.
It’s a story set a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. A bounty hunter, held to a deep code of honor, travels the stars with a tiny, magical being. His purpose: to bring this little one back to its people, but in order to do so, he must find his own clan who have gone into hiding.
This is the story of The Mandalorian, the brightest gem in Disney Plus’ crown and one of the best shows on television right now. It’s a fun space western that is absolutely gripping and exciting, and gives us many things to think about. After this last episode, one thing is crystal clear:
There have been few franchises in the 2000’s that have been more successful than the Fast & Furious films. Over nine films (eight of which set in the main cast plus last years Fast & Furious Presents Hobbs & Shaw), each movie has been more successful than the last. Had F9, which was delayed to 2021 due to COVID, been released this year, it would have easily been one of the ten highest-grossing movies of the year. But not only have the movies gotten more successful, there came a point where the franchise dramatically improved in quality.