Fancy Boys Club

Yes, A Hot Dog IS a Sandwich: A Rebuttal

August 11, 2020August 11, 2020by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Yesterday, Michael Grace came on this website, spreading absolute blasphemy, trying to use science and whatnot to tell the scared, huddled masses that a hot dog is not a sandwich. This kind of elitism will not stand here at Fancy Boys Club. While our name might give you thoughts of men with top hats and monocles, we are actually a very blue collar bunch. We like the simpler things in life. Among those things are an encased tube of various pig parts, cooked well, topped with whatever condiments you can find that aren’t called Ketchup, and we like to eat that hot dog with a domestic beer on a warm, summer day. 10

We are a country that invented everything great, and stole everything we didn’t invent to claim as our own. We are about freedom, drinking, and arguing. But there is one thing there is no arguement for: HOT DOGS ARE A SANDWICH.

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Advice, Comedy

Brandon Solves The Internet: 8/3 Edition

August 10, 2020August 9, 2020by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Before we get going again, I just want to say congratulations to Fancy Boys Co-Founder Matt and his wife Erin on the birth of their son Henry. He is doing well and is already so turned off by his father’s obsession with Taylor Swift’s new album that he decided it was time to get the hell out of the hospital so he can finally get some privacy. Same, Henry. Same.

Welcome back to Brandon Solves the Internet, an occasional article where Fancy Boy Co-Founder Brandon Andreasen scours the internet to help people solve all of their problems. This week, Brandon is finding the best cooking questions from all over the internet, and he is going to use all of his expertise ~~working as a chef in Paris for three years~~ at Burger King when he was 17 to impart wisdom all over the interwebs.

Let’s Get Started!

How Can Restaurants Safely Reopen During The Pandemic?
-Food and Wine Magazine

I’m glad you asked. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. One answer: T Shirt Cannons. It’s not as crazy as it seems. Most NBA teams shove hot dogs into them and shoot them towards the slack jawed masses already. So what is stopping Applebees from stuffing mozzarella sticks and Riblet platters into them and launch them towards table seven?

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Misc.

A Case(d meat) of You: Let’s Talk About Hot Dogs

August 10, 2020August 9, 2020by Michael Grace1 Comment

Since the advent of language itself, our species has lived to place objects into neat categories, sometimes inventing new segments just to make sure everything is neatly organized for the future. Then came the hot dog, a tube of cased byproduct meat, warmed and placed in the casket of an asymmetrical unit of bread. The hot dog saved America, but that’s a story for another day. For now, let’s put an end to the great question of our time: is a hot dog a sandwich?

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Sports, Wrestling

Kamala The Ugandan Giant (James Harris) 1950-2020

August 9, 2020by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Wrestling has always been built on stereotypes. Anyone that looks vaguely eastern European could be booked as a menacing Russian. Asian wrestlers were often booked as karate stars or dressed like ninjas. Black wrestlers would run the gambit of stereotypes over the years, whether it be Bobo Brazil and Junkyard Dogs would play benign good guys, who had to play up their friendliness to get largely white crowds to let their guard down. Koko B Ware wore loud, colorful clothing to represent what Vince McMahon believed to be black MTV culture. On the other side of this was James Harris, who would fleeting and middling success following the good guy route, but would reach national fame playing an African savage to oppose some of the biggest stars of WWF’s golden era.

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Music/Movies, Pop Culture

Rank The Rock: A Look At The Films Of Dwayne Johnson

August 5, 2020August 5, 2020by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment

When news broke this week that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was going to be buying the XFL, I got excited. Not because I like, or even care, about that ridiculous league. Our site has spent way too much time and way too much talent talking about the second coming of the WWE’s failed attempt to break into the football business. No, my friends. I’m all on pins and needles because we finally get a chance to talk about Dwayne Johnson, the actor.

There is no doubt that The Rock is the most successful actor to come from wrestling and you could make the case that he has had the most successful post-wrestling career of all time. Sure, Jesse Ventura became governor, but that’s Minnesota, where there are more lakes than people. Johnson could become president. Hell, The Rock could be a pope if he wanted to.

But that’s not what I care about.

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Comedy, Sports, Uncategorized

How the NHL Playoff System Works… or Doesn’t

August 3, 2020August 3, 2020by copperwriteLeave a Comment

Life is complicated enough right now. COVID is nowhere near slowing down, mostly thanks to the minions who believe it’s a hoax. There are more than 150,000 people who would love to debate those residents of Idiocracy if they could but they can’t, as they died.

Now we have sports making a comeback… of sorts. In a quick breeze let’s rush through what’s up before we get into the nitty gritty dirt band of details for the NHL playoff system.

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Music/Movies, Pop Culture

Ghost In The Machine: a review of Taylor Swift’s “folklore”

July 30, 2020July 30, 2020by Matt Drufke2 Comments

Sitting in her log cabin and throwing another log on the fire (although it’s June), a quarantined Taylor Swift looks out her window and sees, chiseled in stone, the all too famous monument which is the Mount Rushmore of current pop music. Swift sees her own face, and why wouldn’t she? She smiles as she thinks about all of her amazing accomplishments. Sure, her fans would say she may not have as many Grammys as she should, but the proof is in the proverbial pudding: Taylor Swift sells records.

As she looks at the other faces carved into rock, Swift cannot help but think of her relationship with every member on the mount. Next to her is Beyoncé, the undeniable queen of this century. Yet, the relationship between Taylor and the true Child of Destiny has never been contentious; truly, game has recognized game. To Beyoncé’s right is Drake, a person who has had a similar career arc to Swift. Each dominated their original genre until pop music had no choice but to give them the respect they deserved. Next to Drake is an interesting situation, as construction crews are fervently dynamiting Kanye West’s face off this hallowed monument.

Taylor allows herself a brief smile before turning away from her window, heading to her music room where her piano and guitar sat, and began to get to work.

From these sessions, folklore was born.

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Sports

Baseball Is Destined To Screw This Up

July 29, 2020July 28, 2020by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

There seems to be a prerequisite in Major League Baseball, where the commisioner needs to be worse than the previous man in charge. Peter Ueberroth colluded with owners (notably White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf) to suppress the amount of money players could get in free agency. Bart Giammati died 154 days into his tenure (the William Henry Harrison of baseball). Fay Vincent let the owners lock out the players. Bud Selig made All Star games count (not in a good way), let noted skin flint Jeffrey Loria ruin baseball in Montreal, get paid for the honor, only to see him buy the Marlins and do it all over again. He also helped ruin baseball for years with the 1994 strike and then turned a blind eye to steroid abuse when the money started flowing again.

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Misc., Pop Culture

EYE ON PLAINFIELD: GREG KINNEAR SPOTTED AT KROGER

July 29, 2020June 11, 2021by Michael Grace2 Comments

It was a lazy July evening, one not without the typical musings and trappings of summers gone by. The fireflies were gesticulating their way to an early grave. The yearly rite of this year’s asphalt patches melting, then oozing down gravity’s rainbow. I had received a letter from a reader who wished to remain anonymous. She then slipped up and signed Agnes Cartwright at the bottom. The letter contained a vision she had been blessed with earlier in the week, shortly after elderly and compromised immunity shopping hours. The lady Cartwright believed she had seen star of stage and screen Greg Kinnear shopping for groceries. Central Indiana’s favorite investigative reporter was on the case.

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Pop Culture

Gleeful Gravitas: Regis Philbin and the Last Great Game Show

July 26, 2020July 26, 2020by Michael GraceLeave a Comment

I don’t know how young the readership is for our site. Sometimes I slip into a realm of understanding that everyone alive has experienced the things that I have, and I could not be further from fact. Around the turn of the century, the late Regis Philbin was the hostof Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, a quiz show that was such a phenomenon that it seemed to permeate everyday life. In the year of our lord 1999, the only thing bigger than Millionaire was the impending apocalypse when the new year arrived. The reason the show was the cultural touchstone that it became was because of the stakes, the production of the show, and most of all, its charismatic host. We lost Regis, a true icon of Millennial adolescence, on Saturday at the age of 88.

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