Roughneck Report, Take 5

With all the hubbub, hullabaloo or both if you prefer (after all it is your life), I completely neglected to scribble out something for the Roughneck Report, Take 5.

I mean what was I thinking about? What else could possibly be going on to thwart me from my duties as the Roughnecks numero uno fan of the fan base probably only known by me as the Rowdies?

I could have been thinking that maybe… possibly… along the lines of our esteemed federal government this whole ‘virus thing’ would blow over, cross our collective paths like an errant tumbleweed across the great American desert.

Well my friends, that was not it. Those of us who are relatively sane knew how the Administration of the Bloated Circus Peanut would stumble around like a bantamweight after a Henry Cejudo haymaker and for certain fuck this whole mess up.

Oh well, back to the report. Okay. The Roughnecks have finished the aborted season undefeated and for certain are the de facto champions for the 2020 XFL season which may possibly be the only XFL season.

Hand them the fucking trophy Vince McMahon, which I think is just his head in a fabulous bronze patina.

Congrats Roughnecks. Now you can afford to go out and find a logo that doesn’t rip-off the old Houston Oilers.

No ending cheer. Season’s over.

PS Seriously be safe out there and do not trust in the Federal Government to give two shits about you and your family, not with the bleating yam in charge.

PPS Weezer really got me pumped to whip this little old report right quickly. Thanks!

Screen Shot 2020-04-07 at 6.30.30 PM.png

March Fatness: Final Four, Part 2

March Fatness: Final Four, Part 2

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

Continue reading “March Fatness: Final Four, Part 2”

The Definition Of Power

The Definition Of Power

What is power? What does it entail?

Is it money? Anyone can have money. Lottery winners aren’t powerful; they’re lucky.

Is it influence? Hardly. No one really knows what that is or how to get it.

To me, power is like pornography: you know it when you see it.

And no one had more power at any given time that Jay-Z did in 2006.

Continue reading “The Definition Of Power”

March Fatness: The Final Four, Part 1

March Fatness: The Final Four, Part 1

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

Continue reading “March Fatness: The Final Four, Part 1”

How To Never Get Booked For A Comedy Show, part 3…

How To Never Get Booked For A Comedy Show, part 3…

I’ve had a lot of fun writing the first two stories in this series. They’ve been fun for a lot of reasons: it’s been great to reminisce about the old days with some of my friends who have read this, I hope I’m presenting some good lessons on what not to do to newer comedians, and it’s been a super-joy to dunk on some assclowns who kinda (absolutely) deserve it.

To start this newest edition, however, I think I’m going to start with the best piece of advice I can give anyone in comedy when dealing with a booker. Not only is it good comedy advice, but it’s good life advice.

Be honest and self-aware.

Continue reading “How To Never Get Booked For A Comedy Show, part 3…”

March Fatness: Friday Results & Final Four Matchups

March Fatness: Friday Results & Final Four Matchups

Over the past four weeks, we have had you, the loyal and devoted readers of Fancy Boys Club, determine which of the 64 fast food items we gave you would make their way to our Final Four. We called it March Fatness. And this week, we determine our winner.

Continue reading “March Fatness: Friday Results & Final Four Matchups”

March Fatness: The Elite 8 (High Cholesterol Region)

March Fatness: The Elite 8 (High Cholesterol Region)

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

Continue reading “March Fatness: The Elite 8 (High Cholesterol Region)”

March Fatness: The Elite 8 (Heart Attack Region)

March Fatness: The Elite 8 (Heart Attack Region)

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

Continue reading “March Fatness: The Elite 8 (Heart Attack Region)”

I Wanna Sink To The Bottom With You: Remembering Adam Schlesinger

I Wanna Sink To The Bottom With You: Remembering Adam Schlesinger

I wanted to be the one who wrote thoughts about Adam Schlesinger, who was part of the beautiful group Fountains Of Wayne as well as a man who dipped his toes into songs for television, movies, and the stage. Schlesinger died on Wednesday due to complications from coronavirus at the age of 52.

So, why can’t I fucking think of anything to say?

Continue reading “I Wanna Sink To The Bottom With You: Remembering Adam Schlesinger”

March Fatness: The Elite 8 (Liver Failure Region)

March Fatness: The Elite 8 (Liver Failure Region)

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

Continue reading “March Fatness: The Elite 8 (Liver Failure Region)”