The Next Person Who Compares this to The Flu is the Next Person I Stab in the Fucking Neck

The Next Person Who Compares this to The Flu is the Next Person I Stab in the Fucking Neck

Title courtesy of Matt Drufke. And you know what? Matt can use the word ‘fucking’ because frankly you’d have to be a complete moron to think this is ‘just like the flu.’ Yes, it is not recommended one uses the words ‘moron’ or ‘fucking’ if you want to engage your reader at the beginning of your article, but for fuck’s sake this whole ‘it’s just the flu’ is sheer idiocy. Why be nice about it?

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Wonders of Woodstock – The Eateries, Part I of II: Woodstock Square

In the time we are currently living in what’s better than to take stock of what we can’t do right now in Woodstock, Illinois – dine in. But first, I must digress before we digest.

I thought I could stretch this to three parts, but then I’d have to count the McHenry County Courthouse as a place to eat. Trust me it’s not, as the vending machines suck. Plus, the McHenry County Courthouse is where I got my car keyed. You’d think the person who did it would have had enough sense not to do it in a parking lot full of cops, but no, my ex-wife did it anyway. Before you laugh at her absolute awful place to pick? Stop. She got away with it. The McHenry County Courthouse has so many cops around they don’t have cameras in the parking lot. She confessed much later to our kids and that’s the only reason I know. How special.

Thanks for allowing me to get that off my chest. Much better now.

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March Fatness: A Deep Dive into the Elite Eight

March Fatness: A Deep Dive into the Elite Eight

Starting three weeks ago, March Fatness was our way to determine the best fast food item available. Our staff put together what they felt was the best bracket. At this point, eight items remain. Let’s take a look at who they are and how they got there.

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Into The Unknown: A Guide To Comforting Your Children In These Troubling Times

Into The Unknown: A Guide To Comforting Your Children In These Troubling Times

So, things are scary right now and you have some young kiddos and you need to make sure they feel safe and secure, right? You need to make sure that they know that everything is going to be OK. I get it.

So first, let’s get this out of the way, everything IS going to be OK. You’re fine. Your kids are going to be fine. Your husband or wife is going to be fine. Your parents… well there is like an 84 percent change they are going to be just fine. Sure, you don’t exactly work in an “essential field” and there is a decent chance you are going to be laid off or at least furloughed. But hey, on the bright side, you learned the word furloughed today and that’s something to hang your hat on.

Remember that day of your best friend’s wedding when you learned the word veranda? That was a wonderful, beautiful day, and this day is exactly like that day. You are learning new words and it is exactly the same thing. So, don’t worry about getting furloughed. Grab a beer, sit out on the veranda and enjoy the nice March weather! Is it too chilly for that? I haven’t been outside in like a week, but I’m sure it’s perfect veranda weather!

Now that all of that is out of the way and… wow you chugged that beer real quick huh? Ok grab another, I’ll wait. It’s cool.

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I’m scared… and I want to talk about it

You can listen to a lot of people and get a lot of different thoughts about how dangerous the COVID-19 pandemic is.

If you listened to the President yesterday, it’s pretty serious. If you listened to him a few weeks ago, it’s no big deal. If you listened to Infowars contributor Mike Adams (the self-appointed “Health Ranger”), “It’s over for humanity. There will be only loyal survivors.”

You should never listen to Mike Adams.

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NHL: the not-so-great-report at 85 percent

Here’s what we have on a superficial front:

Eastern Conference teams in the playoffs if the season were to end today (in order seeds 1-8): Boston Bruins, Tamp Bay Lightning, Washington Capitals, Philadelphia Flyers, Pittsburgh Penguins, Carolina Hurricanes, Toronto Maple Leafs, Columbus Blue Jackets.

Western Conference teams in the playoffs if the season were to end today (in order seeds 1-8): St. Louis Blues, Colorado Avalanche, Vegas Golden Knights, Edmonton Oilers, Dallas Stars, Winnipeg Jets, Calgary Flames, Nashville Predators.

It is superficial, all of it. As you know by now, the season has ended… or at least halted… due to the COVID-19 virus outbreak. There are no sports – none. NBA? Done. Premier League? Over. XFL? No. MLB spring training? Terminated.

And while we are lamenting the loss, the potential loss of small businesses is alarming.

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Roughneck Report – Take 4

Woot. Woot… and Woot.

Yes, Roughneck fans, and you know who you are you Rowdies, the Roughnecks are undefeated! You know what that means, yep – they have yet to lose a game!

Un•de•feat•ed: not defeated, especially in a battle or other contest.

The Houston Roughnecks rolled into Dallas like a drunk tumbleweed on acid and demolished the retched Renegades. Oh sure the final score, 27-20, and those pesky factual stats that indicated it was a close game doesn’t seem like a ‘demolishing,’ but let me tell you those Roughnecks made sure they demolished the Renegades in their head! Yes, a complete psychological ass-kicking especially to…

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Fancy Boys Club Poll: Should Drunk People Vote?

Fancy Boys Club Poll: Should Drunk People Vote?

Welcome to the first installment of Fancy Boys Club Poll, where we ask the hard-hitting questions that America, nay, the world need to know the answers to. At the end of this blog, we’ll explain how to cast your vote. And we want as many of you to vote as possible because, unlike states trying to implement racist voter identification laws, we truly care about what everyone has to say.

This week’s question: Should a person who is legally drunk be allowed to vote?

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Roughneck Report, Take 3

Okay Roughneck Rowdies (not sure of you are aware as an avid Roughneck fan you are a Rowdy, but – according to me – you are) our team’s ride into Tampa proved to be a rough one. I suspect it was all due to repeated visits to Taco Bus, but somehow they came out on top 34-27.

Yes they are still undefeated, but there are issues. The Roughneck D allowed the Vipers O to score 27 points – over twice as much as they scored in total the first two games. Allowing Marc Trestman’s shaky offense to put up points plus fang them for nearly 400 yards is a bad omen for week 4, Rowdies. The game was a back and forth affair. We had the ball, they had the ball, we had the ball again, and so forth. They scored, we scored, blah blah blah. As for Roughneck RB Nick Holley, he rushed 1 time for 1 yard, caught 2 passes for 7 yards, and made it through without breaking his back. NICK – YOU BROKE YOUR BACK – STOP PLAYING FOOTBALL! GEEZ!

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Roughneck Report, Take 2

Well football fans, or XFL fans as this game certainly has the feel of football but is throwing my sports clock off by having football this time of year, it looks as if the Houston Roughnecks are for real. Two wins, zero losses have them tied atop the league with evil DC Defenders.

Now the Oilers – again look at the logo, that’s no Roughneck to me that’s an oil derrick and that means Oilers – have to go on the road for the next two games. Their road record so far, standing at 0 wins and 0 losses, simply means their inexperience on the road may hurt them.

The game this Saturday is against the venomous Tampa Bay Vipers, and this is what they will face as challenges:
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