The Next Person Who Compares this to The Flu is the Next Person I Stab in the Fucking Neck

Title courtesy of Matt Drufke. And you know what? Matt can use the word ‘fucking’ because frankly you’d have to be a complete moron to think this is ‘just like the flu.’ Yes, it is not recommended one uses the words ‘moron’ or ‘fucking’ if you want to engage your reader at the beginning of your article, but for fuck’s sake this whole ‘it’s just the flu’ is sheer idiocy. Why be nice about it?

Let’s just take a look at this high level of ignorance. Do you know when flu season is upon us? Oh hell yes you know. It’s when every damn drug store, grocery store, 7-11 and hardware store shines a light on the flu season by putting out a sign right in front of the store saying what? GET YOUR FLU SHOT HERE or FREE FLU SHOT or FLU SHOT NO COPAY.

A few of you – and for the love of every deity white, tan, black two arms ten arms spaghetti monster or not I hope there are only a few of you who are thinking this – “so what’s your point?” YOU CAN GET A SHOT TO STAVE OFF THE FLU! You have that healthy golden opportunity to give yourself a true fighting chance to not get seriously ill! Isn’t that great news! Yes it is… FOR THE FLU.

“But what does that have to do with COVID-19?” Did you just seriously ask yourself that? Please tell me you didn’t. COVID-19 has no vaccine. There is a grand total of ZERO shots available to prevent you from getting it – ZERO. Therefore, using simple math here are the people in America who could possibly get it – EVERYONE.

Let’s dig deeper, shall we? I know, sorry/not sorry but there is science involved in this so if you are a creationist and for some reason are still reading this article while spreading this deadly fucking virus, you may want to bow out now. According to the Mayo Clinic (and no that’s not where they create mayonnaise, don’t deepen your dumb) the average seasonal flu has viral-laden droplets that can last for a few moments after an infected person sneezes or coughs on it.

A few moments. Huh. COVID-19 says ‘really, flu? Hold my beer.’ The COVID-19 virus can live on a surface such as plastic and stainless steel for up to 72 hours – that’s two days longer than my daughter’s goldfish lived and it was fed. Hell, even on porous cardboard nasty-ass COVID-19 droplets last up to 24 hours.

Say you’re someone who stays at home all the time anyway, like my dad. He’s 81, lives in rural Tennessee, has 40% lung capacity and an oxygen tank with a tube longer than most Chicago studio apartments. If his mail carrier is also a COVID-19 carrier that shit’s on his mail. He’s not waiting 24 hours to touch it. If he gets any mail that claims ‘you may already be a winner’ he will open it immediately. Morbid, yeah, but I’m already thinking about his funeral:

“How did he get it?” “He thought he was a winner.”

And if you are day-drinking and spouting ‘Like a postal employee is going to get it’ I’m about to sharpen up my shiv for your jugular. As of this writing there are 85 USPS employees who have it and 2,000 in quarantine. And BTW, the USPS got zero funding from the new stimulus bill because the Bloated Circus Peanut in the oval office objected to it.

Now that I’m through with the immediate dangers, let’s get down to more information on what most people won’t want to deal with – the mortality rate. The flu kills 1 person out of every 900-1,000 or so who get it so approximately .1%. As for COVID-19 since there isn’t a deep history of data to go by the prognosticators have to create their own studies and try to compile them with others. Right now some of the best overall data we have is from China. Depending upon what source, the percentage is somewhere between 2.3% (from the China CDC Weekly who probably are stretching the truth) ‘down’ to 1.4% (New England Journal of Medicine via 1,100 patients in China from February 28 and New Englanders are generally conservative). Let’s just take the lowest number, for you ‘it’s just the flu’ people sticking your neck out waiting for that knife to the nape.

Flu: .1%, or approximately 1 in a 1,000.

COVID-19: 1.4%, or approximately 14 in a 1,000.

Extrapolating numbers, when 10 million people get the flu, 1,000 people die. With COVID-19, 14,000 people die and that’s just the LOWEST number we have. If we use Italy’s numbers, who as of the most recent numbers have 97,689 cases and 10,779 deaths, that’s an astounding 11%!

“Well, Italy was super unprepared.” What the fuck do you think we are? Our Federal Government sat on their hands while data was being softballed to them for nearly 2 months. NOW it’s a crisis. Will we reach the 11% rate? Probably not. Will we be higher than 1.4%? Probably so. Dr. Anthony Fauci, our NIAID (National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases) director and the guy in the Federal pressers trying his best not to laugh at The Bloated Circus Peanut’s gaffes, estimates 100,000 to 200,000 Americans will die from the COVID-19. And naturally, when Dr. Fauci corrects who Mexicans would call ‘El Maní de Circo Hinchado” he’s targeted by right wing groups, AKA “CoronaNazis.”

To end this lesson on why anyone who still insists ‘It’s just the flu” and who definitely should be stabbed in the fucking neck, may I expel a mighty ‘fuck you for being stupid.’ And please take note of the title where Matt states ‘… is the next person I stab in the neck.” He’s not one to trifle with.

Thanks for coming to our COVIDtalk. Now do the following:

This is paraphrased from an article I found and now can’t locate, so deal with it. Figure out what the fuck you really need, and stay at least 6 feet away from us when you go out. When you get back to your house, take off your filthy-ass shoes and clothes immediately after being in public. Have separate shoes for public places that you leave outside your front door – no one is going to steal your shoes, we’ve seen them and frankly you can keep them. Wash hands immediately upon entering the house in warm soapy water for at least 20 seconds. Wipe down door knobs & light switches every goddamn day with a bleach product, not with the hands you just washed. Cover your mouth & nose while in public with a home-made mask, scarf or bandana as if you’re going to rob a bank, but don’t rob a bank or you’ll slide right back in with the idiot crowd. Did I mention wash your hands? Do it again… and again… and again.

Be safe. Be healthy. Be cautious. And don’t ever say ‘It’s just like the flu” again.

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