Category: Advice

Advice, Comedy

WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition
WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

RIP To The Choco Taco

Companies reveal and remove food items from our lives all the time. When you are a fat, this hits you particularly hard. And as a noted fat, I was heartbroken to learn that Klondike had decided to discontinue the Choco Taco, a sweet treat of a taco made of a waffle cone, ice cream, and then dipped in chocolate. It’s July, a month that is specifically taxing on people of girth. We need our cool treats (shout out to my buddy Mongoloid Mike who was out of town on my birthday, so he Door Dash’d me ice cream sandwiches from Coldstone) to help us survive the sweltering heat. We don’t melt like snowmen, we die of heat stroke while trying to mow the yard.

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Advice, Comedy

WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/20 EDITION

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/20 EDITION
WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/20 EDITION

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

Ted Cruz Is An Idiot: Part 8,128,903

Everyone’s favorite dumpy uncle who has gotten scammed by three ponzi schemes has decided to go and run his mouth, again. Ted Cruz, whose main existence was to make Jeb Bush seem likeable in 2016, said on Saturday that he thinks that the Supreme Court should repeal same sex marriage. Remember when, after Roe vs. Wade was overturned, everyone was concerned that Republicans were going to come for gay marriage next, and then every conservative said “nooooo, we would never do that,” well that lasted all of three weeks.

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Advice, Comedy

What’s In Brandon’s Head 07/13 Edition

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on What’s In Brandon’s Head 07/13 Edition
What’s In Brandon’s Head 07/13 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

Vince McMahon is a monster/wrestling fandom is toxic

Over the past month, World Wrestling Entertainment CEO and primary shareholder Vince McMahon has been outed by the Wall Street Journal as having covered up four affairs with women within the company with hush money over the past decade and a half, while he was running a publicly traded company. All told, he spent over 12 million dollars making sure that his tv image of being a womanizing asshole who never suffers any actual repercussions for his actions wouldn’t be sullied.

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Advice, Comedy, politics, Pop Culture

Masks, CRT, Grooming: What Comes Next In Schools

by Matt Drufke1 Comment on Masks, CRT, Grooming: What Comes Next In Schools
Masks, CRT, Grooming: What Comes Next In Schools

As Teacher Appreciation Week comes to a close, it seems like teachers aren’t getting appreciated at all. All over the country, people have been interrupting school board meetings complaining about the horrible assault happening to the children. From mask mandates to the teaching of CRT to the accusations of grooming (which I’m assuming is not about getting kids to brush their hair), conservatives are furious about what is happening to the youth.

And I have bad news for America… it’s nowhere near done.

Continue reading “Masks, CRT, Grooming: What Comes Next In Schools” →
Advice, Comedy, politics, Pop Culture

Masks, CRT, Grooming: What Comes Next In Schools

by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment on Masks, CRT, Grooming: What Comes Next In Schools
Masks, CRT, Grooming: What Comes Next In Schools

As Teacher Appreciation Week comes to a close, it seems like teachers aren’t getting appreciated at all. All over the country, people have been interrupting school board meetings complaining about the horrible assault happening to the children. From mask mandates to the teaching of CRT to the accusations of grooming (which I’m assuming is not about getting kids to brush their hair), conservatives are furious about what is happening to the youth.

And I have bad news for America… it’s nowhere near done.

Continue reading “Masks, CRT, Grooming: What Comes Next In Schools” →
Advice, NFL, Sports

An Agnostic Football Fan Guide to the Super Bowl

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on An Agnostic Football Fan Guide to the Super Bowl
An Agnostic Football Fan Guide to the Super Bowl

So it’s that time of the year. The biggest sporting event of the season is happening and your favorite team is long since eliminated from contention. The elimination could be heartbreaking (49ers/Chiefs) or predetermined by fate (Jaguars/Lions). Thirty fan bases are left out in the rain on February 13th. And the remaining fanbases?

Bengals fans have been so embarrassed by their team over the past three decades that they didn’t really claim their own existence until a month and a half ago.

The Rams….well, they don’t have fans. I can speak to this because I was in St. Louis over the weekend, when they beat the 49ers to go to the Super Bowl. The team, who existed in the STL until just a couple years ago, do not have many fans (more on this later). The team now exists in Los Angeles, which doesn’t give a damn about them.

Over 70 million people watch the Super Bowl each year. The vast majority of those people are not fans of the Bengals or Rams. Welcome to the Agnostic Football Fan Guide to Super Bowl LVI.

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Advice, Comedy, Misc., Music/Movies, politics, Pop Culture

I Solve Your School District’s Problems: Mask Mandates & CRT

by Matt Drufke4 Comments on I Solve Your School District’s Problems: Mask Mandates & CRT
I Solve Your School District’s Problems: Mask Mandates & CRT

As we approach the end of July, it is time for us to start thinking about the return of the school year. Yes, it is time for classes and books and teacher’s dirty looks and the other things Alice Cooper doesn’t care for to come back into the swing of things. However, over the last school year, people have seemed to get a lot more heated about exactly what is going on in our education systems. Parents are screaming at school board meetings and posting insane things on social media, because as we all know, watching a youtube video makes you an expert on any topic. And, good gravy, there are two specific topics which are driving people into a frenzy. I’m talking, of course, about mask mandates and Critical Race Theory (CRT). Republicans are hoping to whip up an enormous amount of fear and ride these two topics to big gains in the 2022 midterm elections. Most of us just wish people would shut up and let teachers do their job. But, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen, because everyone who shouldn’t have an opinion seems to be having the worst opinions.

Don’t worry though, everyone: I got this. I had a cup of coffee and a good breakfast and I’ve figured out some simple solutions we can all agree on.

You’re welcome.

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Advice

Old People Need to Chill: An Ongoing Series

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Old People Need to Chill: An Ongoing Series
Old People Need to Chill: An Ongoing Series

Everyone thinks they are going to age gracefully. Each of us believes that we will be the ones to stare down the cold hand of death and rebel against it by keeping up with the latest trends, listening to the newest music, and doing what them young folks be doin’. To say the least, this is an appalling afront to the sensibilities of everyone who grew up and opted to age gracefully. Today, I saw an old man in skinny jeans, boots, and a shirt that should be worn by someone four decades his junior. He was wearing Warby Parker glasses that would make Andy Warhol blush. He had a french bulldog following him as if it were father time, waiting for him to kick the bucket from drinking too much Red Bull.

It should go without saying that this man did not look cool. This man did not look hip. This man looked like he saw what hip was, thought to himself “Well, this will make me look like the coolest person at the Homeowners Association Meeting” and went for it. He thought he was going to stand at the mountaintop of fashion and look down on his suburban counterparts with a stylish contempt. Instead, he went off the cliff, full-on Thelma and Louise style. Just full yeet.

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