I Solve All Your Problems: You Don’t Like Biden’s Vaccine Mandate…

I Solve All Your Problems: You Don’t Like Biden’s Vaccine Mandate…

If your social media is anything like mine, the last half week has been filled with people angry at President Biden’s announced vaccine mandate. To summarize in case you haven’t picked up the internet: if your business has over 100 employees, they all have to be vaccinated or tested weekly or your business could suffer financial penalties.

“Tyranny,” some have cried out. “This is pure madness by a government gone wrong!” Granted, most of those people have been big gaping sacks of dumb, but they have a voice and we should consider what they’re saying. After all, we have to accept that there are people who just aren’t going to get vaccinated.

Not only that, but there’s good news: those same dummies crying “Tyranny!” are the same numbskulls who are going to fix another one of our nation’s current problems. I’ve figured it all out.

You’re welcome.


Continue reading “I Solve All Your Problems: You Don’t Like Biden’s Vaccine Mandate…”

I Solve Your School District’s Problems: Mask Mandates & CRT

I Solve Your School District’s Problems: Mask Mandates & CRT

As we approach the end of July, it is time for us to start thinking about the return of the school year. Yes, it is time for classes and books and teacher’s dirty looks and the other things Alice Cooper doesn’t care for to come back into the swing of things. However, over the last school year, people have seemed to get a lot more heated about exactly what is going on in our education systems. Parents are screaming at school board meetings and posting insane things on social media, because as we all know, watching a youtube video makes you an expert on any topic. And, good gravy, there are two specific topics which are driving people into a frenzy. I’m talking, of course, about mask mandates and Critical Race Theory (CRT). Republicans are hoping to whip up an enormous amount of fear and ride these two topics to big gains in the 2022 midterm elections. Most of us just wish people would shut up and let teachers do their job. But, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen, because everyone who shouldn’t have an opinion seems to be having the worst opinions.

Don’t worry though, everyone: I got this. I had a cup of coffee and a good breakfast and I’ve figured out some simple solutions we can all agree on.

You’re welcome.

Continue reading “I Solve Your School District’s Problems: Mask Mandates & CRT”

The Anthony Fauci Email That The Deep State Is Hiding From You

The Anthony Fauci Email That The Deep State Is Hiding From You

Weeks ago, due to a FOIA request, the emails (electronic mails) from Dr. Anthony Fauci were shown to the public and people lost their fucking minds. Granted, almost every fucking one of those people were really stupid (to be fair, others were deliberate liars and some were just gullible), but there is no doubt that this became a major news story. Conservatives dubbed it “Fauci-Gate”, because they love putting that suffix on the end of, basically everything. Other, more reasonable people, read the emails with the added benefit of hindsight and realized that everything that was said was, literally, no big deal at all.

However, there is one email that was not released that would shock the world.

And I would know, because I was the recipient of that email.

Continue reading “The Anthony Fauci Email That The Deep State Is Hiding From You”

Derek Chauvin: Convicted Murderer

Derek Chauvin: Convicted Murderer

A short while ago, justice was served.

Derek Chauvin, the police officer who, on video, murdered George Floyd was convicted of all the counts he was charged with- second-degree unintentional murder, third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter. His bail was revoked and he was taken away in handcuffs, remanded into custody.

I am currently overwhelmed with feelings and emotions and would just like to share a few of them.

Continue reading “Derek Chauvin: Convicted Murderer”

Tucker Carlson, Sydney Powell and Why Republicans Lie So Fucking Much

Tucker Carlson, Sydney Powell and Why Republicans Lie So Fucking Much

I cannot imagine it feels good to be called a liar whom no one should take seriously. I assume it would feel even worse if the person saying that about you is supposed to be an ally you trust. However, I have no idea what if feels like to have a person whom you trust say that about you because they’re using it as a legal defense… but I can’t imagine you’re feeling great, even if you’re the Kraken.

This is exactly what is happening in the defamation lawsuit right now that Dominion Voting Systems, Inc. has brought against Sydney “The Kraken” Powell for $1.3 billion (yes, with a “b”). Dominion is suing other people including former Trump attorney (and Razzie nominee) Rudy Giuliani and the guy who owns MyPillow, whose name I do not care enough to find out so I will just call him Mike Pillow.

I find these lawsuits fascinating, but there are three things that I am absolutely floored by as I’ve been following this story and thinking about how it relates to the state of modern conservative politics. The first is watching a lawyer argue that not only is their client a liar, but that everyone knows their client is a liar and no person who isn’t a fucking idiot should know not to take anything they say as a fact. The second is that Tucker Carlson, arguably the most viewed voice in conservative media, also used the same defense a few years ago. But it’s the third thing that’s maybe the most frightening to me, and should be the most terrifying to all of us:

Legally, this defense works.

Welcome to modern conservative politics.

Continue reading “Tucker Carlson, Sydney Powell and Why Republicans Lie So Fucking Much”

The Other Things Greg Abbott Ordered That The MSM Don’t Want You To Know About

The Other Things Greg Abbott Ordered That The MSM Don’t Want You To Know About

Earlier today, Texas governor Greg Abbott made news when he announced that he would be lifting all COVID restrictions in place, including the statewide mask mandate he put into effect in July. Starting March 10, Governor Abbott is not just removing the mask mandate, but also the limit on the amount of patrons who can be in a restaurant, despite the fact that Texas has seen an uptick in new COVID cases (and COVID deaths) over the last two weeks. Texas becomes the largest state to join a list of other states to lift mask mandates and COVID restrictions.

But what the liberal media doesn’t want you to know is this: there’s so much more that Abbott is allowing. Let’s give it up for freedom.

Continue reading “The Other Things Greg Abbott Ordered That The MSM Don’t Want You To Know About”

Cancer Gets One Right: RIP Rush Limbaugh

Cancer Gets One Right: RIP Rush Limbaugh

In a hilarious turn of events this morning, gluttonous bag of carbon and evil Rush Limbaugh succumbed to lung cancer. His death comes as a culmination of decades of hateful rhetoric and divisive speech that helped to poison the minds of generations, dividing families and our nation as a whole. His advocacy for family values such as intolerance and prejudice were a hallmark of his tenure in the American broadcast community. His affection for overt racism, spousal rape, and the disenfranchisement of LGBTQ Americans were the pillars on which Limbaugh stood. He was an architect of the partisan political landscape that has permeated every molecule of our lives, taking the dissolution of the Fairness Doctrine by the Reagan Administration and nurturing it to its full potential. He leaves a world worse than what he found. His legacy is that of divisiveness, impudence, and the echoes of collateral consternation among those still walking the earth.

Now on his great eternal journey, may he be shown the same kindness and consideration he granted upon the least of those during his seventy hate-fueled years.

He will be mourned only by those who wish his vitriolic views into fruition.

He will not be missed.

Friday Five: Special 2020 Wrap-Up Edition!

Friday Five: Special 2020 Wrap-Up Edition!

2020 was, to put it mildly, a weird year.

COVID affected every aspect of our lives, including the art we consumed and, perhaps more importantly, how we consume it. We couldn’t go to the movie theater. Many artists we releasing their “quarantine albums”. Most shows and movies had to stop production for some period of time. Sports went away and then came back under weird conditions.

But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a great year for the arts. It was just… different.

Because of this, we scrapped our plans to write the “Best Of” articles that usually appear in magazines and websites. We’re bringing back the Friday Five. We asked our writers and guest contributors to list their five favorite pieces of consumed media from the last year.

Here is what The Fancy Boys loved about 2020.

Continue reading “Friday Five: Special 2020 Wrap-Up Edition!”

President-Sponsored Terrorism

President-Sponsored Terrorism

About two hours ago, I turned on the television to watch the counting of the electoral votes. I knew that some senators and congressmen were going to be making a big fracas about stuff, and I knew that people were going to be protesting somewhere in Washington. If I’m being honest, I didn’t know what to expect.

I know that I didn’t expect this.

Continue reading “President-Sponsored Terrorism”