Comedy contests are dumb. They are inherently arbitrary and many times the voting is completely dependent on who brings the most friends who will laugh at them. Or, if you are me, someone screams something at you from the crowd, and your brain melts in front of a room full of people.
Continue reading “My Biggest Bomb Onstage”Author: Brandon Andreasen
Football Gambling Writer. Comedy Writer
Twitter: @awfulmusicfacts
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FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 11
A quick update about me: last week, I spent the entire week dealing with allergies that I assumed would go away. I felt better at some points, and worse at others. I couldn’t focus enough on anything other than dragging myself to work that I didn’t write the Power Rankings last week. I went though the entire weekend thinking I was getting better. Turns out, I was wrong. I finally broke down and went to a doctor today and it turns out that the allergies had spurred a massive infection that was attacking my throat and eyes. If the infection doesn’t get better through antibiotics and steroids, i’m going to have to go to the hospital Wednesday, which is…thrilling. Anyway, if this rankings isn’t great, it’s because I have zero will to write. I’m powering through for the site. Now, onto the rankings. I’m using the gap week to completely reset all of the rankings and work from this point for the rest of the season.
1: Baltimore Ravens
Sometimes, teams show up to games they know they are going to win, and therefore just sleepwalk through it and escape with a win. The Ravens went with a different option, which was to beat the absolute piss out of the Bengals, breaking their spirits in the process. Lamar Jackson is about one Russell Wilson misstep away from being the MVP front runner.
Continue reading “FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 11”Open Road Song is a Trashdick
In 1966, John Lennon said that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. This was the biggest thing to happen to music until Monday, November 4th, 2019. A discussion rose up, no more mundane than any other. The premise was simple. Which Eve 6 song was better: Inside Out or Anytime. Inside Out being one of the predominant bangers of 1998, and future Billboard Modern Rock Track of the Year, is the track that Eve 6 is most known for. It is the apex of sorts in American pop culture. Anytime was, in the eyes of everyone who has ever listened to music, one of the great examples of guitar, drum, bass, and lyrics in the history of mankind. Ranking up there with such luminaries as “Like a Rolling Stone” by Bob Dylan, “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” by Sam Cooke, and “How Bizarre” by Otarra Millionaires Club, Anytime is the ear worm from the soundtrack to “Gone With the Wind” rivaling epic Out Cold.
Continue reading “Open Road Song is a Trashdick”From the Archives: The Last Days of My Dog
I recently found an old blog I wrote many years ago. Going through it, I was struck by how much my writing has changed, yet somehow stayed in a very similar vein. Every once in a while, i’m going to drop some old blog posts I wrote. Ones that I feel strongly about, or still strike a chord with me. I wrote this one in early 2012, I think just a few hours after I had to put my first real dog down.
15 years is a long time to know somebody. I can count the number of friends I’ve had for 15 years on one hand. 15 years accounts for more than half of my life. 15 years ago, I was 12 years old. I was in the 7th grade. Sammy Sosa was my favorite baseball player. I listened to Sublime constantly in spite of the fact that I really didn’t understand the lyrics. Titanic came out for the first time when I was 12. It was also how old I was when we got Pepe.
Continue reading “From the Archives: The Last Days of My Dog”WWE And the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week
Say what you will about WWE, but whether it’s in the ring or in real life, they know how to keep people on the edge of their seats and wanting more. Since Thursday, the company has lost over a billion dollars, were again heavily criticized for being a gleaming travelogue for an authoritarian regime, had most of their staff held essentially hostage, and put on one of their best shows in years. Wrestling fans always love the blurring of lines between kayfabe (wrestling speak for the characters and storylines that they operate under) and real life, but none were as starkly dramatic as the events of late last week.
Continue reading “WWE And the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week”Brandon Ruins the Internet: Letters to the Editor
Fancy Boys Club co-founder Brandon Andreasen is a 35 year old in a 70 year old’s body. He doesn’t understand memes, but laughs at them because he is afraid of being exposed as old. Just for fun, he is periodically going to do his best to ruin the internet like he does in real life: long winded and factually dubious.
Today, Brandon has scoured the internet for Letters to the Editor, and is going to answer them in the only way he knows how. Obnoxiously.
Continue reading “Brandon Ruins the Internet: Letters to the Editor”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 9
As you are reading this, the NFL trade deadline is about to happen/has happened in the past few hours. It’s not going to be that interesting because some teams have already made their moves, while other teams don’t have the draft capital to make a move. If I had my way, though, we would see more teams be obvious sellers and grab as many draft picks as possible.
Just for fun, here are some trades i’d like to see:
Von Miller to the Seahawks for 2020 1st and 2nd round Picks.
The only thing that really needs to happen for this trade to come true is for Miller to be critical of the Broncos. That’s really all it takes to get kicked out of town anymore. The Seahawks defense is treading water, and it seems like a waste to keep Miller in Denver, where they are quarter assing a rebuild while they deftly try to avoid making a correct move at quarterback.
Andy Dalton to the Bears for 2020 2nd round pick.
Andy Dalton is essentially the bell curve for quarterback competency. If you are better than Andy Dalton, you are a good quarterback. If you are worse than Andy Dalton, you are a bad quarterback. Mitch Trubisky is the 29th ranked QB in the NFL according to QBR, which isn’t a perfect stat, but seems to encapsulate his season pretty well. The Bears still have a good enough defense to make a playoff run. They are getting killed by the fact that they are too dumb to see Mitch Trubisky’s limitations.
Also, Andy Dalton could be cut with no dead money after the season, so it’s not a huge loss to send him away in April.
Buccaneers trade Ronald Jones to Detroit Lions for a 4th round pick in 2020
Not a huge move, but it could pay huge dividends for the Lions. Jones has gotten better this season for the Bucs, but they are a throwing team. Detroit lost Kerryon Johnson a couple weeks ago. Jones is just good enough to be a three down running back in a pinch down the stretch run.
David Ross is the new Cubs Manager…now what?
In news that seemed meant to be since the Cubs limped across the finish line this season, David Ross was named the new manager of the Chicago Cubs. Great. What comes next?
Unfortunately for Cubs fans and executives alike, David Ross isn’t the answer to the problem that the Cubs have as they reach their “dynasty” crossroads. How did the Cubs get to this point? They were supposed to be THE team of the second half of the decade. They were going to duke it out every season in the World Series with the Houston Astros. What went wrong? In short, a lot. Can David Ross fix it? Not by himself.
Continue reading “David Ross is the new Cubs Manager…now what?”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 8
I’m jet lagged. I’ll get back into full style next week. Pinky promise. In the meantime, here is this week’s power rankings! As always, the NFC is an absolute disaster where we are destined to have every team finish 8-8, except for the Lions who will go 7-8-1 and the Cardinals, who will somehow go 8-7-1. I’m half tempted to only rank the AFC, but what fun is that. Lets do this!
1: New England Patriots
Now that the Patriots have gotten done playing the minor league portion of their schedule, they get to play **checks schedule** The Browns??? Are you kidding me? Nick Saban is embarrassed by the schedule the Patriots have played so far. And of course, the moment one players goes down, in this case Josh Gordon, they trade for Mohammad Sanu, who will promptly go off for 272 receiving yards this week, and then be deactivated the week after because Bill Belichick wants to run a three fullback set.
Continue reading “FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 8”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 7
Ok boners, i’m in Maui for my sister’s wedding. The sun is out, the ocean wave is crashing just beyond my lanai, and i’ve been getting day drunk for 2 days because the sun doesn’t set on a bad ass. It’s gonna be a shorty this week, and maybe i’ll get it going big time again next week.
1: New England Patriots
I genuinely hope this team self destructs the moment they have to play an NFL team. Seriously, their schedule is more embarrassing than Alabama’s early season schedule. They should be forced to play in the NFC West for a season, then see how magical Bill Belichik is when he is forced to play in a competitive division.
Continue reading “FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 7”
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