Brandon Ruins the Internet: Letters to the Editor

Fancy Boys Club co-founder Brandon Andreasen is a 35 year old in a 70 year old’s body. He doesn’t understand memes, but laughs at them because he is afraid of being exposed as old. Just for fun, he is periodically going to do his best to ruin the internet like he does in real life: long winded and factually dubious.

Today, Brandon has scoured the internet for Letters to the Editor, and is going to answer them in the only way he knows how. Obnoxiously.

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FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 9

As you are reading this, the NFL trade deadline is about to happen/has happened in the past few hours. It’s not going to be that interesting because some teams have already made their moves, while other teams don’t have the draft capital to make a move. If I had my way, though, we would see more teams be obvious sellers and grab as many draft picks as possible.
Just for fun, here are some trades i’d like to see:

Von Miller to the Seahawks for 2020 1st and 2nd round Picks.
The only thing that really needs to happen for this trade to come true is for Miller to be critical of the Broncos. That’s really all it takes to get kicked out of town anymore. The Seahawks defense is treading water, and it seems like a waste to keep Miller in Denver, where they are quarter assing a rebuild while they deftly try to avoid making a correct move at quarterback.

Andy Dalton to the Bears for 2020 2nd round pick.
Andy Dalton is essentially the bell curve for quarterback competency. If you are better than Andy Dalton, you are a good quarterback. If you are worse than Andy Dalton, you are a bad quarterback. Mitch Trubisky is the 29th ranked QB in the NFL according to QBR, which isn’t a perfect stat, but seems to encapsulate his season pretty well. The Bears still have a good enough defense to make a playoff run. They are getting killed by the fact that they are too dumb to see Mitch Trubisky’s limitations.
Also, Andy Dalton could be cut with no dead money after the season, so it’s not a huge loss to send him away in April.

Buccaneers trade Ronald Jones to Detroit Lions for a 4th round pick in 2020
Not a huge move, but it could pay huge dividends for the Lions. Jones has gotten better this season for the Bucs, but they are a throwing team. Detroit lost Kerryon Johnson a couple weeks ago. Jones is just good enough to be a three down running back in a pinch down the stretch run.

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David Ross is the new Cubs Manager…now what?

In news that seemed meant to be since the Cubs limped across the finish line this season, David Ross was named the new manager of the Chicago Cubs. Great. What comes next?

Unfortunately for Cubs fans and executives alike, David Ross isn’t the answer to the problem that the Cubs have as they reach their “dynasty” crossroads. How did the Cubs get to this point? They were supposed to be THE team of the second half of the decade. They were going to duke it out every season in the World Series with the Houston Astros. What went wrong? In short, a lot. Can David Ross fix it? Not by himself.

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FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 8

I’m jet lagged. I’ll get back into full style next week. Pinky promise. In the meantime, here is this week’s power rankings! As always, the NFC is an absolute disaster where we are destined to have every team finish 8-8, except for the Lions who will go 7-8-1 and the Cardinals, who will somehow go 8-7-1. I’m half tempted to only rank the AFC, but what fun is that. Lets do this!

1: New England Patriots

Now that the Patriots have gotten done playing the minor league portion of their schedule, they get to play **checks schedule** The Browns??? Are you kidding me? Nick Saban is embarrassed by the schedule the Patriots have played so far. And of course, the moment one players goes down, in this case Josh Gordon, they trade for Mohammad Sanu, who will promptly go off for 272 receiving yards this week, and then be deactivated the week after because Bill Belichick wants to run a three fullback set.

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FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 7

Ok boners, i’m in Maui for my sister’s wedding. The sun is out, the ocean wave is crashing just beyond my lanai, and i’ve been getting day drunk for 2 days because the sun doesn’t set on a bad ass. It’s gonna be a shorty this week, and maybe i’ll get it going big time again next week.

1: New England Patriots

I genuinely hope this team self destructs the moment they have to play an NFL team. Seriously, their schedule is more embarrassing than Alabama’s early season schedule. They should be forced to play in the NFC West for a season, then see how magical Bill Belichik is when he is forced to play in a competitive division.

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1: T206 Honus Wagner

As if there could be any other card in this spot. The greatest sports card in history with the biggest myths and mysteries surrounding it. The card is worth millions if it’s in even passable condition. It is the card sports collectors dream about getting their hands on. Simply put, it is the most important, most iconic card in the history of collecting. We may never know exactly how many of this card exist, but we do know the number is small and isn’t likely to rise dramatically.
If you aren’t overly familiar with this card: this is the 1909-1911 T206 Honus Wagner card. It was released in packs of various brands of cigarettes, as most cards were in the day. Depending on the story you believe, either Wagner was very anti-smoking and demanded his card be pulled, or he wanted a cut of the royalties for using his image, and the card was pulled. Either way, it exists in much lower numbers than any other card in the set, and it’s a joke to even say this set is condition sensitive. The set is 110 years old. If a card from this set is found in one piece, it’s considered a success.
This card is the most iconic because it has the most crossover appeal. It gains headlines on television over it’s value whenever it goes to auction. It draws out the most high end collectors to try to get their hands on it. It exists as an almost mythological example of what collecting can be. It is, without a doubt, the most valuable and iconic card in baseball history.

Random Honus Wagner Fact: He is, and will most likely forever be, the only person in the history of Major League Baseball named Honus.

2: 1989 Upper Deck Ken Griffey Jr.

If you collect baseball cards, you know the credentials of this already. It sparked a hobby boom and was the reason card companies started doing higher end products. 1989 Upper Deck alone changed the collecting game, with it’s clean, minimalist look and high gloss stock. Griffey was well on his way to paving the path to being the best player of his generation. This card sparked such a frenzy that Upper Deck made the (ill fated) decision to continue producing new 1989 cards well after the print run should have dried up. They kept flooding the market with this card, and even then it didn’t seem to be enough. They reportedly continued making the 89 set well into 1990. This is what keeps this card at a lower price point than most on the list. Upper Deck released a card in the junk wax era, and then somehow over produced it.
This card might be single handedly responsible for modern collecting as we know it today.

Random Ken Griffey Jr. Fact: Many people blame going to Ohio for Griffey falling off production wise, and some numbers bare that out. He made ten consecutive All Star games before leaving for Cincinnati, and only made three in eight and a half seasons for the Reds. The truth is though, part of what made Griffey great was how hard he played on offense and defense, and his body started to catch up with him around that point. He only played 140 games in a season twice for the Reds, and during a three year stretch, played 70, 53, and 83 games for them.

3: 1968 Topps Nolan Ryan/Jerry Koosman

Runner up to Johnny Bench in 1968, Jerry Koosman carved out a long and successful career as a major league pitcher. Across four teams in 19 seasons, he would end up with 222 wins. In 1976, Jerry was the runner up for the Cy Young award, and followed that up the next year by losing 20 games, tops in the league. But he isn’t why this card is here.
Nolan Ryan is one of the most endearing old school players in the history of the game. His career spanned nearly three decades and you can use his career to get to any era of baseball in less than six degrees of separation. he beat up Robin Ventura and threw seven no hitters. He pitched until he literally couldn’t throw anymore. This card is iconic because it came at a time when Topps was the only game in town. If you collected cards, you collected Topps or you collected nothing. This was a prospector card before people knew what that was. It’s a must have for any serious collection and continues to endure as one of the most iconic cards in the history of baseball.

Random Jerry Koosman Fact: Koosman would finish with 20 victories twice in his career. He was top six in terms of voting for the Cy Young each year. He didn’t make the All Star team in either season.

4: 1952 Topps Mickey Mantle

Considered by many to be the G.O.A.T. of baseball cards, the 52 Mantle is one of the most valuable cards of all time. Finding one in good condition is like writing yourself a check for a new house. Mantle was a beloved player in the biggest market, pushing sales up even further. The card is known among sports card circles as one of the holy grails of collecting. Only two cards have ever crossed the million dollar threshold. The card shown above is one of them. Borne in an era when condition wasn’t taken into as big of consideration, and before Topps had a strong foot hold in the collecting community, finding this card requires more luck than most will ever understand.

Random Mickey Mantle Fact: On three occasions, Mantle came in second place for the AL MVP award. In two of those cases, he lost to the same person, teammate and fellow outfielder Roger Maris.

5: 1997 Upper Deck Ken Griffey Jr Game Used Jersey

If you want to quibble about it, Upper Deck tried this with hockey first. But this is an iconic baseball card ranking, and this card changed the future of all baseball cards. Upper Deck were the first to decide they could put a piece of game worn jersey onto a baseball card and build hype around it. Griffey was the best player in the world at this point. He was the player that everyone else based their games off of. Ken Griffey Jr. was one of the best players of his generation and his willingness to be apart of this series would cause a seismic shift in the baseball card industry.
Before this point, the chase cards were really just cards. This was the first card to make baseball collectors rethink their entire collecting philosophy.

Random Ken Griffey Jr Fact: Griffey would end up being the most famous player from Archbishop Moeller High School, but he was far from the only person to play MLB baseball. 14 players would see action in the majors. He wouldn’t even be the first player from this high school to make the Hall of Fame. Barry Larkin played at the same high school and made the HOF six years before Griffey.