Comedy contests are dumb. They are inherently arbitrary and many times the voting is completely dependent on who brings the most friends who will laugh at them. Or, if you are me, someone screams something at you from the crowd, and your brain melts in front of a room full of people.
Continue reading “My Biggest Bomb Onstage”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 11
A quick update about me: last week, I spent the entire week dealing with allergies that I assumed would go away. I felt better at some points, and worse at others. I couldn’t focus enough on anything other than dragging myself to work that I didn’t write the Power Rankings last week. I went though the entire weekend thinking I was getting better. Turns out, I was wrong. I finally broke down and went to a doctor today and it turns out that the allergies had spurred a massive infection that was attacking my throat and eyes. If the infection doesn’t get better through antibiotics and steroids, i’m going to have to go to the hospital Wednesday, which is…thrilling. Anyway, if this rankings isn’t great, it’s because I have zero will to write. I’m powering through for the site. Now, onto the rankings. I’m using the gap week to completely reset all of the rankings and work from this point for the rest of the season.
1: Baltimore Ravens
Sometimes, teams show up to games they know they are going to win, and therefore just sleepwalk through it and escape with a win. The Ravens went with a different option, which was to beat the absolute piss out of the Bengals, breaking their spirits in the process. Lamar Jackson is about one Russell Wilson misstep away from being the MVP front runner.
Continue reading “FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 11”NFL Week 10 Winners & Losers
Week 10 of the NFL season is now in the books, so it’s winners and losers time. Here’s who won and lost in week 10.
Continue reading “NFL Week 10 Winners & Losers”You Should Refrigerate Your Doritos
Life holds many mysteries. One such treasure is the undiscovered delicacy of culinary experimentation. We all know well the magnificent combination of sweet and savory. But what happens when, by mere lapse in motor skill judgment, we stumble upon transcendent greatness? I accidentally tossed some Nacho Cheese Doritos in the fridge. What happened next changed my life forever.
Continue reading “You Should Refrigerate Your Doritos”Fancy Boys Football Mailbag Week 10
Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.
Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.
Continue reading “Fancy Boys Football Mailbag Week 10”NHL: The 20% report
Okay, so we are 20% through the season. Yes, as of this writing there are a few stragglers who have yet to reach the 20% mark… and there are a few teams over it. That’s scheduling for you. Hockey players need well-deserved breaks between games. It’s a brutal sport on one’s body, yet of course there is majesty to watching men on ice dazzle with their skating skills but still be able to smoke an opponent into the boards for merely sneering at them.
You may recall, well I am sure you will because EVERYONE READS this well-put together report, and my hockey knowledge is nearly as good as the Bantum-level hockey kid across the street, that the 10% report went sort of like this:
The Music of Star Wars, Episode III: The Return of the Jedi (1983)
The great thing about the original trilogy of Star Wars is how it builds the universe within the plot of the three movies in a way that seems natural. In Empire we saw new creatures, strange planets, and a city floating in the clouds. In Return, we focus mostly on one forest moon and a space battle above it. For all of the lush, atmospheric scoring of the second chapter, John Williams gives the third room to breathe. At times, the music is more demanding and pronounced than ever. In others, its absent where earlier in the series music would have been a driving force. So lets get to The Return of the Jedi, and the end of the Empire.
Continue reading “The Music of Star Wars, Episode III: The Return of the Jedi (1983)”EYE ON PLAINFIELD: DOLLAR STORE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT
Bells rang out. Children sang in the streets. The Dollar Tree in Plainfield, Indiana, had been reborn. Along the commercial strip anchored by a Kohl’s department store, the business of inexpensive goods had begun to lag behind its competitors- the Dollar General near Domino’s Pizza and of course Five Below, barely a few doors down. What became of Tuesday’s re-opening was the spark that will light a fire in the Midwestern economy. Naturally, my first instinct was to go to the scene and be there, in this glorious re-genesis of industry.
Continue reading “EYE ON PLAINFIELD: DOLLAR STORE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT”Open Road Song is a Trashdick
In 1966, John Lennon said that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. This was the biggest thing to happen to music until Monday, November 4th, 2019. A discussion rose up, no more mundane than any other. The premise was simple. Which Eve 6 song was better: Inside Out or Anytime. Inside Out being one of the predominant bangers of 1998, and future Billboard Modern Rock Track of the Year, is the track that Eve 6 is most known for. It is the apex of sorts in American pop culture. Anytime was, in the eyes of everyone who has ever listened to music, one of the great examples of guitar, drum, bass, and lyrics in the history of mankind. Ranking up there with such luminaries as “Like a Rolling Stone” by Bob Dylan, “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” by Sam Cooke, and “How Bizarre” by Otarra Millionaires Club, Anytime is the ear worm from the soundtrack to “Gone With the Wind” rivaling epic Out Cold.
Continue reading “Open Road Song is a Trashdick”You’re So Perfect, You’re Not Here…
I am a believer of the populus.
If America believes that Sean Spicer is one of the best celebrity dancers in the country, so be it. If our nation comes together and is okay with Jerry Bruckheimer movies, who am I to argue. If more people voted for Donald Trump to be the leader of the free world… all right, bad example.
Because I live in this mindset, I thought I would be able to live with the results of a Twitter poll I put up a few days ago based on a debate we were having in the Fancy Boys Club facebook chat. What started as a polite chat between Brandon and his wife led to a full-fledged argument. Lines were drawn; other lines were crossed.
When the smoke had cleared, 33 people had voted for what the best song from Eve 6 was. The overwhelming majority of people had voted for “Inside Out”, while my choice, “Open Road Song”, finished in last place with a paltry nine percent.
The people failed me. The people are wrong.
Continue reading “You’re So Perfect, You’re Not Here…”
Fancy Boys Club 