Fancy Boys Club

The Few Things I Got Right, and The Ton of Stuff I Got Wrong in the NFL in 2020

February 9, 2021February 8, 2021by Brandon Andreasen1 Comment

I am wrong. A lot. My gambling account this season is a reminder of how wrong I can be. I occasionally get things right, as well. But, oh man, I’m wrong all the time when it comes to sports. When you drone about nothing as much as I do, i’ts bound to happen. With the football season ending a couple nights ago, I was left with the sadness that, not only did I no longer have a reason to get spectacularly drunk on Sundays, but that I had to come to terms with what was probably my worst season in terms of prognosticating and gambling.

Part of it was the fact that i’ve spent the better part of six months with a broken brain. Full stop, not looking for sympathy. I have been able to function as a human being, albeit with medication and therapy. It is hard to focus on football when you spend every waking moment of your life thinking that your entire world is crumbling around you.

The other part of it is that I just can’t throw myself into football like I used to. As Blink 182 opined two decades ago, “I guess this is growing up.”

Life just takes up too much time. Family, friends, a society imploding into itself like a neutron star. Oh, and the whole Covid thing. I got Covid pretty bad midway through the season. 2020 was a shitty year for damn near everyone. I was no exception. So it’s time for me to take some L’s and talk about the few things I got right, and all the stuff I got wrong about the 2020 NFL season.

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Comedy, Sports

How The Kansas City Chiefs Won Super Bowl LV, Globalist Cabal Be Damned

February 8, 2021February 8, 2021by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment

February 7, 2021- It’s midway through the first quarter of Super Bowl LV, and in his suite, Kansas City Chiefs owner Clark Hunt is already celebrating. His team, the expected favorite for tonight’s game, has just taken a 3-0 lead over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Surely, the Chiefs would be winning their second consecutive Super Bowl and he would be returning to Kansas City with the Lombardi Trophy and ready to bask in the praise the city would throw his way.

Then, there was a problem.

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Sports

Prop Bet the Super Bowl!

February 6, 2021by copperwriteLeave a Comment

If you’re like me and you wait until the dust has settled before deep-diving into prop bets for the Super Bowl, you my friend are in luck. I have discovered some choice prop bets for Super Sunday and will simply give you the winners. All you have to do is donate some of your winnings, let’s call it a bet-tithing, to your favorite comic so they can do something positive with it.
Me? I’ll be donating to Matt Drufke.
Why? Because he’s a good guy and I know any money given to him will be going for something noble. Perhaps a college fund for his boys. Maybe a new re-fill for his waterbed. Or he could just blow it on a fur-lined mic.

As for the game, it’s the Chiefs vs the Buccaneers. In spite of their victory last year and their refusal to change their name or stop that insipid tomahawk chop, I will be very reluctantly rooting for them. It’s not the Buccaneers team as a whole that’s so disturbing, in fact I’d love the see former Bronco Shaq Barrett dismantle the QB machine known as Mahomey. It’s Brady. Tom Brady has been in nearly 25% of all Super Bowls. His teams are 6-3. That’s enough. He needs to lose and lose badly.
I don’t bet on the game itself. It ruins the enjoyment of it for me. Therefore, I think I’ll hit the prop (proposition or ‘side’ bet) bets. Let’s take a quick look at a few of them now.

How Many Commercials will have a dog in them? This is an over-under bet and sits at 4.5. Since a half-dog is pretty much impossible let alone gross, take the over. Biden is in office now so dogs are front page news.

Will there be a COVID vaccine commercial? A ‘no’ means you need to bet 160 to win a 100. However, it’s likely there will not be one specifically about the actual vaccine.

Super Bowl Gatorade shower color? No, it’s not a weird new shower product, it’s about what color the liquid is when it’s poured onto the winning coach. Since the Chiefs will win, I’d go with red/pink. It’s at +300, so $100 wins you $300.

Total TD passes by Mahomes? The over-under is set at 2.5. Over means you need to drop 150 to win a 100. I’d do that.

Chiefs Tyreek Hill can fly. I did not know he could hover too. Ridiculous.

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Uncategorized

Life in the Fap Lane: My Pandemic as a Sex Worker Part Three

February 5, 2021February 5, 2021by loveisnomystery2 Comments

My week as an accidental FemDom

Being a femdom/goddess was never my kink or intent. Typically in the bedroom I act as more of a submissive although I do clearly maintain a certain level of control at all times, but I think that’s more a neurotic paranoia thing than a ‘get off by being in control’ type thing. But some fans requested JOI (jerk off instruction) videos and after perusing pornhub (the google of porn), I had a pretty good sense of what they wanted and created some content. One dude took a particular interest in a video where I was wearing a corset and pleather pants ($15.99 from Amazon), and began messaging me for…more. Typically I send a lot of blush face, kiss face, and devil horn smiley face emojis during my OF conversations, but this guy made it clear that what he wanted…what he needed… more than empty emojis was to be verbally assaulted by a woman he found attractive. And thus began my week as a goddess.

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Music/Movies, The Swiftening

The Swiftening, Part 8: folklore (2020)… Swift Dunk Ernest

February 3, 2021February 2, 2021by The Fancy Boys3 Comments

Before December of 2020, Jordan Holmes (comedian, author, podcaster) had never, intentionally, listened to a Taylor Swift song. Then began The Swiftening, where Jordan decided to review every Swift album in order. So far, he has covered Swift’s 2006 debut, 2008’s Fearless, 2010’s Speak Now, and 2012 ‘s Red, 2014’s 1989, 2017’s reputation, and last year’s Lover, which we encourage you to check out if you haven’t already.

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Life in the Fap Lane, Uncategorized

Life in the Fap Lane: My Pandemic as a Sex Worker Part Two

January 28, 2021January 28, 2021by loveisnomystery3 Comments

16 FAQs about OnlyFans-ing with answers so honest it would appear I have nothing to lose

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Music/Movies, The Swiftening, Uncategorized

The Swiftening, Part 7: Lover (2019)… Almonds Are Forever

January 27, 2021January 31, 2021by The Fancy Boys4 Comments

Before December of 2020, Jordan Holmes (comedian, author, podcaster) had never, intentionally, listened to a Taylor Swift song. Then began The Swiftening, where Jordan decided to review every Swift album in order. So far, he has covered Swift’s 2006 debut, 2008’s Fearless, 2010’s Speak Now, and 2012 ‘s Red, 2014’s 1989, and 2017’s reputation which we encourage you to check out if you haven’t already.

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Uncategorized

WWE Is Out of the Wrestling Game

January 26, 2021January 25, 2021by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Wrestling is fake. Everyone knows it. Whether you are a fan or not, you know that what you are watching is meant to be pre-scripted entertainment. Wrestling has been predetermined for over a century, dating back it’s it’s time on circus sideshows to entertain rubes. But the presentation of legitimate sport existed long beyond that, into the golden days of television, all the way through the rise of Hulk Hogan in the mid 80’s. All of that changed in 1989. Vince McMahon, long known as the king of the squared circle, the man who helmed a regional wrestling company from his father and turned it into the apex of the sport, is the one who killed it.

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Comedy, Music/Movies

When Did Harrison Ford Get Old?

January 25, 2021January 24, 2021by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment

Born 78 years ago in Chicago, Harrison Ford has been acting since the 1960’s, and it’s hard to imagine an acting career you would want more. Despite only being nominated for one Oscar (1985’s Witness, where he lost to William Hurt in Kiss Of The Spider Woman), the dude has a resume that is pretty unfuckwithable. He was Indiana Jones, Han Solo, Jack Ryan, Dr. Richard Kimble and Rick Deckard. The dude knows how to play characters who make crazy box offices.

He’s also old. That seems obvious, but it raises a lot of interesting questions. And here is the one I’m going to focus on right now:

When did Harrison Ford get old?

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Life in the Fap Lane

Life in the Fap Lane: My Pandemic as a Sex Worker – Part One

January 21, 2021January 21, 2021by loveisnomystery3 Comments

OnlyFans or: How I learned to stop worrying and wear a mask while selling pictures of my vagina for money

30 seems as good an age as any to write an in depth expose about the more salacious corners of my life , and the COVID-19 pandemic of the year Where Nothing Good Happened For Anyone, (2020) seemed as good a time as any to try sex-work. I thought a lot about where to start this story- did it all stem from when I got fingered for the first time in a movie theatre by my first boyfriend at the tender age of 14 while watching Napoleon Dynamite? Or should I start just 4 years in the past, the day after The Election-you know the one-where I woke up in tears because overnight, America had somehow elected an orange repugnant narcissist with zero governing experience over an actually qualified but historically polarizing female candidate? Or, I could start with the humid July day in the midst of that UNPRECEDENTED Covid-summer where some teenager didn’t check his blind-spot and annihilated the right side of my 10-year-old Prius (gifted to me a year and a half prior by my Floridian-retirement-community-bound parents). You could say that all of these events had their part to play in what eventually led me to that digital blue lock.

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