Life in the Fap Lane: My Pandemic as a Sex Worker Part Two

16 FAQs about OnlyFans-ing with answers so honest it would appear I have nothing to lose

  1. Do you have any followers you know personally?

Yes, quite a few. Some supportive and curious friends openly followed me for the first month. Some horny dudes who had already been deep in my DMs directly asked for the link. Some familiar dudes i.e. friends, colleagues (and by ‘colleagues’, re: comedians), and past tinder dates followed anonymously, but eventually blew their covers. So far, having seen quite a few of them in person since their initial subscriptions, no one has been particularly weird or shitty about it. I think there’s a mutual understanding that if you’re paying for sex, you don’t want to be out-ed anymore than the sex-worker whom you’re paying good money to see does. I do, however, enjoy the fact that a number of my former sex-partners have subscribed because that means dudes who have already seen me naked are now paying to see me naked- indicating that I look pretty good naked.

  1. Is that weird to you? (To have people I know personally follow my onlyfans)?

Not really. Again, after 6 years of nude modeling, collectively thousands of strangers have seen me naked, so people I know personally seeing ‘the goods’ (and ‘the bads’) isn’t much different. I’ll say it right now- it in no way bothers me that people have seen my nipples and vagina. In my mind, it’s like: if it doesn’t bother me to have sexual partners see everything- and sexual partners are just strangers I’ve consented to let penetrate me- then why would it bother me to have other people who aren’t penetrating me see it? It’s just nipples or a vagina- the same kinds of things you can literally google and see millions of examples of within milliseconds. I don’t think mine are particularly unique or special (just well-proportioned). So, no, it doesn’t bother me to have people I’ve met in person pay money to see me naked. And why the fuck should it, is my question to you. 

(I think that if you really think about why it bothers you, at the core of it, you’ll find some deeply rooted bullshit Judeo-Christian-based beliefs and biases you didn’t even realize society has been heaping on us, unchecked, for centuries, whether you’re religious or not. Just a thought). 

I mean, the fourth book of the bible is Numbers… and mine are high.
  1. How much do you charge for subscriptions/photos/videos/etc.?

To begin, Onlyfans puts very few restrictions on the content you can create and the amount you can charge for it. There are some limits such as the monthly subscription which can either be free or $4.99+/mo (unless you do some kind of promotion) and for the amount you can tip at once (thanks a heap, Bella Thorne). But for content, you can do and charge literally whatever you want. You can make every post a pay per view. You can post videos of you farting on your high school copy of The Bell Jar and charge people $80 to see it. Doesn’t mean anyone will pay for it, but this is your world, so fart it out Kween. (Actually, one fan said his account got reported because he posted too many videos of him projectile ejaculating, which begs the questions: How many is too many projectile ejaculation videos and what would an appropriate amount be??)

My Monthly Subscription: Initially I charged $4.99/month because, again, it was the lowest price you could charge without being free and I honestly did not think anyone would pay anything to see me naked. As it turned out, not only would people pay for it but they would actually pay MORE for it, so holy shit and fuck me silly, up the price went. I spent a few weeks with the price at $6.99 and eventually $8.99, but that seemed like an increasingly harder sell with a higher level of pressure to deliver consistent, creatively sexy content, so I ended up at $5.99/month which is a good deal, I think. I’m not famous or a real model-model, so paying 6 bucks to see my nipples and vag (like TONS of pictures and videos tho) for a month feels like a fair deal. 

As far as what I charge for content, video prices are on a sliding scale based on:

A) The time and effort that goes into making the video

There is time that goes into set up and clean up which includes hair & make up, outfits (if the video includes a full strip), and positioning of equipment as well as set-dressing. I have basically torn up my bedroom to create an aesthetically pleasing area for a video that looked great on camera but collectively took around an hour to set up then tear down. So even if the video itself is between 5-10 minutes, the effort that goes into it can take an hour or more, so I also charge for my time and effort. But if you’re just looking for a little POV of me fingering myself for a minute, the rates are much lower.

B) Re-sell-ability

Dudes really like custom content and content doesn’t get much more custom than me moaning your name. But if I say your name, I can’t re-sell that video to someone else unless your horoscope told you to believe in great coincidences this month. Honestly, I make most of my money on subscriptions + video sales so if I can’t re-sell your video, your price will be higher. But if the content is more generic and I think a lot of people would enjoy it, I’ll sell it to you for less because I can sell it to other people as well. You think you’re the only dude out there who wants to see me do a sexy storm trooper strip? Of course you’re not! Who doesn’t love a hot cosplay? (FYI, I am definitely the droid you’re looking for).

C) The length and content of the video.

This one is fairly straightforward; longer video = higher price. But when I say ‘content’, I’m not just talking about sexy outfits and dirty talk. I’m talking about the climax. The finale. The big O. The money shot. The satisfying ending to the masterful building of tension perfectly suited to Getting You Off. I believe it was Shakespeare who once said, “A great shot of a great squirt is nothing short of poetry in motion and is worth an exorbitant fee to witness”. The most I’ve ever charged for a custom video was when a dude asked me to rub chocolate sauce and whipped cream all over myself because I charged him for the price of the condiments as well as my time for the clean up.

I know you’re wondering what the actual numbers are and the reason why I’m not writing them here is because I don’t want to set some kind of precedent for people who might decide to try this enterprise for themselves. I think people should charge what makes sense and feels good to them. Your fans will let you know when they think something is overpriced and even under-priced, so listen to them. Like spaghetti on a wall, you try some things out and see what sticks. Personally, I was going to post a set price list when I started, but I realized that I didn’t want to paint myself into a corner so early on in the event that I might be charging too much or too little, so I tried a few different pricing strategies out over the first couple months and now have a pretty standard scale to charge from.

Basically, I charge what people are willing to pay. For those of you wondering exactly how Jew-y I am, no, I don’t typically charge different prices for the same shit. However, I have offered discounts in the past for people who tip big, consistently re-subscribe, or are just super nice to me when I’m in a really good mood.

Where the magic is carefully manufactured and sold.
  1. Where do you get your subscribers from?

Mostly Instagram and Facebook. At the beginning, I messaged the link directly to people who had made it clear in the past that they found me attractive like ~that~. I would also DM the link to new followers who would follow then immediately Heart every racy picture I had, thus becoming horny little bulls’ eyes for my newfound side hustle (always knew that marketing minor would come in handy someday). Yes, it appeared that after years of being the DM slide-ee, I had evolved to become the DM slide-er. 

Tempted to make a stalker joke here, but honestly, I appreciate the support.

I sent the link to this one tinder dude who, after we fucked ONE time, texted me periodically for 2 YEARS to tell me how much he’d love to see me again; then got a facebook message from this chick he was apparently dating saying “I respect your hustle girl but maybe don’t message your link to dudes in relationships” which to this day, I find absolutely hysterical. Calm down, bitch, I don’t even know your boyfriend’s last name and if he wants to pay to see my tits again, in this great country of ours, that’s his right.

At present, I still get most of my new fans after posting a sexy picture or story with a link in the caption. Some of my fans have told me that my profile popped up on the onlyfans home page given that, according to the OF stats, I tend to hover in the top 9-12% of creators, whatever that means. So maybe my profile gets shown to more randos? Honestly, I haven’t looked into it and I’m not really sure how that all works, but I don’t think I’ve gotten many if any subscribers via the classic avenues (word of mouth and Reddit), although I’ve heard that twitter and Reddit are the best places to go if you don’t already have a solid fanbase of thirsty dudes to advertise to. 

  1. Have you gotten banned/reported/account-warned for posting about your OnlyFans on social media?

Sure have! I had noticed over the months before I started my account that people were very careful about putting the words ‘onlyfans’ in plain writing under captions, in comments, etc. They were reverting to the early internet days of lolcatz and writing shit like ‘0n|yf@nz’ because apparently you can take myspace out of the era… I even had a friend message me on facebook to give me his phone number so he could text me to tell me about other websites similar to onlyfans that people were ‘moving towards’ due to some articles I skimmed about how onlyfans was broke and stealing people’s money and was about to head into the shitter, so if we did make any money it would immediately be stolen and we’d never become internet famous. It was that same week that I made my first $1000. 

But I’ve only had a story reported once. I had written out the entire link in captions, comments, DMs, and splayed across photos in stories without any issues at least 20+ times already (likely because who gives a fuck about a request-access-only account with less than 650 followers?) But the one time I posted a story where I was clearly fully nude save for one gray dot strategically placed upon my ALLEGED nipple with the link clearly displayed below an advertisement for my Cyber Monday 30% off deal, after getting 3 new subscribers literally immediately, I was also reported to Instagram who just quietly let me know the image was ‘not cool’ and would therefore be ‘removed’. The bigger slap on the wrist was from Facebook who put me on ‘Account Warning’ because it was my first time offense and, as they put it, ‘mistakes happen’, which is seriously a ‘per my last email’ level of passive aggressive.

I get the need for censorship. The fact that Facebook wasn’t really censoring stuff for their first decade is literally how Trump got elected and I am not exaggerating. A.I. does not know the difference between fact and fiction; it’s just really good at knowing what YOU are clicking on. (Yes, I watched the Social Dilemma too, and it made me MORE addicted to my phone, somehow). So Trump got elected because people who were willing to listen to his bullshit were simply shown more of it until it was all they saw, all they knew, and all they could comprehend to support, and then they did so fanatically. Facebook learned its lesson and 4 years later, it has become a heavily policed epicenter for not being able to take a joke. They target hate speech, hate groups, and solicitation of sex. As onlyfans is not technically ~just~ a porn site, they can’t really get mad at you for posting your link because you could be a blind juggling chef with 7 adopted chinchillas each with their own personality just trying to capitalize on their youtube followers. But even the bots can tell that The Link plastered on top of a naked woman is cause for potential controversy, so consider that bud nipped and my account on indefinite warning. I got 10 new followers that day, partially for the 30% off deal and mostly for the follow up story I posted with my woe-is-me-tale of being reported, so in a way, thanks Facebook. You made me $30 extra with your strict adherence to your unflappable sense of morality. 

Oh you reported my story because nudity and sex work offends your great moral sense of self righteousness?
Cool. I’m selling pictures of my tits to your wife.
  1. Are people (my fans) gross?

Not any grosser than dudes on tinder. Honestly the grossest messages I have ever received in my life have been from men on Okcupid, tinder, bumble, hinge, and instagram. The extent to which dudes can say depraved shit to women online is astounding to me. I think the swiping-aspect of the dating apps is what makes them feel ‘safer’ saying demeaning things to complete strangers, but my fans have been, to put it in literary terms, respectful as fuck. They only veer into ‘gross’ territory when engaging with me in consensual dirty talk/sexting, or after having gotten to know me more via purchasing more customized videos. None of my fans have ever made me feel ‘worthless’ or ‘disgusting’ or whatever outdated shit your social construct glasses have colored your image of sex-workers to be seen as. Tinder dudes however, well, that’s a different article.  

Plenty of my fans have sent me dick pics, though, so I charge for it now. As many of my friends can attest, I do, in fact, have a collage of dick pics on my phone. These are 38 of Chicago’s finest penises sent to me completely unsolicited that have all been carefully curated and compiled into a very special album full of the most nostalgic regrets any future sex worker would be proud of. But once we entered onlyfans land, all bets were off. As it turns out, dudes want chicks they’re into to see and worship their dicks and apparently they will pay for the experience or knowledge that you have seen their dick. It’s amazing. I will totally look at your dick for money. One dude who I almost dated but ghosted because my god he wouldn’t shut up ended up sending me a picture of what turned out to be a 10” NIGHTMARE MONSTER PENIS. It was standing straight up next to a ruler, so there is no bullshitting here. That wasn’t a bullet dodged, that was a cervix realignment avoided, and thank god. I made $85 off of him in a day. 

“Oh shit, that’s my dick”- you, statistically.
  1. Do you get weird requests and what’s the weirdest request you’ve ever gotten?

No weirder than the weirder requests I’d get during sex with a tinder hook up. Granted, I’ve likely slept with a lot more people than you have (150+, remember?), so I’ve opened myself up to getting a lot more weird requests than you. Also, ‘weird’ is a subjective term, so something that might seem ‘weird’ or ‘kinky’ to you might seem ‘normal’ or ‘vanilla’ to me. 

Common requests I’ve gotten are: make a video where I say the guy’s name when I cum, make videos wearing a particular color/style of lingerie, using a particular toy, facing a particular direction, cosplay, and sending a picture of the underwear I’m wearing at that exact moment. Less common (but extremely real) requests I’ve gotten include: “A strip tease showing mostly just your ass but also your face, smile, and legs”, “a masturbation video from your POV where you talk dirty”, rubbing the chocolate sauce and whipped cream all over my body (it was way colder than I thought it would be and I ruined a bathmat but honestly was one of my favorites to make), and then two more that require their own paragraph breaks. 

In second place: One dude paid me $30 so he could send me a picture of his dick and have me rate it. He told me that in the picture he included an iPad for scale. Unfortunately for him, I recognize an iPad mini when I see one. He was not the only one to ask me to rate his dick and this happens for 2 reasons: 1) dude is into humiliation or 2) dude knows he has an awesome penis and wants me to want it. Do I ever want it for real though? Eh, not really. I was never much of a size queen back in my romping around days, so a picture of a big dick is just a picture of a big dick. But if you’re paying me to look at it, I’ll say whatever you want to me to say about it, baby. 

And first place goes to: one dude asked me to be his femdom/goddess for a week. That is next week’s article, but to summarize: one dude (who did not know me IRL) asked for a sexting relationship where I gave him orders, verbal abuse, and demanded he buy me shit. It lasted about a week until I told him I would have to start charging him for my time, because I was actually working a full time job-job at that point, and for him to demand my time via text while I really should have been work-working, I felt that I needed to be compensated-compensated. He understood, agreed, and quickly ended the relationship. 

Theatre majors know how to commit to a role.
  1. So are you faking it? (When you talk to the guys, make videos of you having orgasms, etc)?

For the most part, no, I am not faking it. I’m generally a horny, sexually charged probably-nudist, and I think the squirting videos speak for themselves. I was laying on the charm via messenger a little thick at the beginning, but I think the types of dudes who are already in the realm of paying for sex are pretty experienced in sniffing out bullshit…and some dudes will fuck right off immediately when they catch a whiff while others will swallow that love potion like a glass of water in the middle of the night, morning breath and all.  But I think the thing people are paying for on OnlyFans is uniqueness and genuineness- seeing real women they actually know having unrehearsed, unedited, un-airbrushed, honest to goodness orgasms. They want to be flies on walls for the women they’re ‘not supposed to see’. Of course they can see beautiful women having sex for free anywhere on the internet, but they can’t see women they know having sex unless they pay for it. And they will. Why? Curiosity, mostly, is what I’ve gathered. Perhaps a sense of control by getting a girl who would never look twice at you to do anything to please you for the cost of just a few dollars… But am I faking it? Am I just really really good at making guys believe what they want to believe about me? Yes and no. 

For some of the masturbation videos I post to the main page, some of those orgasms are, if not faked, at least exaggerated… but the fact that I’m enjoying myself, orgasm or no, is genuine. The sexting aspect gets a little less genuine, because…come on. No, I’m not really writhing around my bed in heat over the sheer thought of the privilege of feeling your totally unique penis on any part of my body…… Or am I? I’ll say this- with any conversation I’ve had with a dude on OF, it’s not that I’d spin a straight up lie, but it’s more like I’m the nicest most understanding non-judgmental and sexually open version of myself in that moment. It’s a fantasy that is grounded in reality, but moves a few notches further, as any good purchased type of sexuality should do. It’s the lingerie you wish you could come home to a woman wearing. It’s the words of affirmation you wish she would say. It’s the feeling of being wanted, of turning her on as much as she turns you on, of control, of unencumbered sexual exploration, of uninhibited voyeurism… It’s all grounded in real world possibilities. So it’s not fake, it’s just…taken a step beyond the reality of what sex typically is. You know how some sex you’ve had is notably so much more incredible than others? What you’re paying for is that guarantee that all of the content is on that higher level. There’s not that predictable, mundane, routine tediousness that inevitably comes with years of having sex with the same person; It’s like that first time where everything was shiny and magical and tingly…but every time. That’s what you’re paying for. That’s what I sell. Quality digitized sexuality that will do for you exactly what you’re hoping it will. And I guarantee…it will. 

  1. Do people actually buy you stuff from your wishlist? (What have they bought you?)

Yes! So far I’ve received: 3 sex toys, a lacy kimono, several lingerie sets, a couple of dresses, a pair of shoes, and a fuck ton of underwear. 

Pictured (from left to right): Jolene, Dahlia, and Mike
  1. How often do you create content? How often do you post? (….And what exactly do you post, if we’re being honest)

I think I’ve made it clear that my onlyfans could be considered pornography, but like, what do I actually, specifically DO in front of my cell phone camera propped up on my laptop on top of a makeshift stand of 2 shoeboxes? Most of what I post are photos. Some are taken professionally in boudoir shoots but most of them are just me and my front facing camera phone somewhere around my attic apartment. The images are usually of me on my bed or couch in some state of undress doing something that feels both silly and unnatural in front of the camera. I might have my tits out, my ass out, a toy in hand, or just be strategically sprawled out somewhere. It’s the lingerie and camera placement/angles that change as I do repeat poses from time to time. I’ve also made short videos and gifs- the gifs are really fun- of me flashing, shaking my ass, or moving the crotch part of my underwear to the side… I’ve posted videos of me taking a shower, taking a bath, getting undressed at the end of the day, getting dressed in the morning, and of course, masturbating. But for masturbating videos I post on the main page (i.e. don’t charge extra for) you might hear a few moans but you won’t see much vag. For the straight up watch-me-fuck-myself-with-a-dildo-and-squirt-all-over-the-place content, it’ll cost ya with that sort of subjective pricing scale I mentioned earlier. 

Pictured: If Daisy Buchanan was Jewish.

Aside from the 2 weeks I had Covid, I typically try to post something everyday. When I started the site, I definitely had the thought that since I already had a ton of nude selfies on my camera roll just from being a vain millennial with access to technology and unlimited digital storage, I’d just upload them as pre-scheduled daily posts to last a few weeks and call it Porn. But as it turns out, I enjoy creating content specifically with the intention of stirring feelings of arousal in lesser mortals, ahem, I mean… men. I did post a few older selfies early on, but making new shit is more fun and I think the final product feels more intentional and authentic, which I think my fans pick up on and appreciate. Plus, most of the old pics were just naked mirror selfies- which are perfectly nice, don’t get me wrong, but people don’t tip you for ‘nice’. They tip for creativity and for shit they can’t see on Instagram. And whenever you feel like you’ve run out of ideas for ways to pose sexy, there’s always more. Wear a new outfit, stand in a different position, insinuate a different sex act… Lingerie is cheap (on Shein) and your body is more versatile than you might realize- there are tons of options. 

My posts with the most likes include: a straight up breakfast club-panty shot while I was at work, a tit pop and skirt lift while also at work, an unzipped onesie shot, my torso covered in a dude’s cum, and a crotch shot of me wearing some wet underwear (I came IN them because sexxxyyyy). Again, Dudes like seeing the ‘forbidden’ stuff. They want that feeling like they’re catching a glimpse of a private moment; a sinful submission to your deeper desires of stimulating, specifically, their lust. They like feeling empowered by knowing you put in effort to show them something they wanted to see. What they either don’t realize, or are in full denial of, is that I don’t show them my ass and tits in precarious positions out of pure unbridled passion for pleasing them- I want their money. Never forget friends, as much as I enjoy making money this way, if it didn’t make me money, I wouldn’t do it.  

11. How does the money work and how much have you made? Do you get taxed for it? 

Part 1: The Onlyfans business model is actually very reasonable for the amount of work you don’t have to do in order to make money. You don’t have to build any hardware or coding in order to sell content; it’s as simple as making a facebook profile except you have to send a picture of your face holding your license and e-sign a 1099. After that, you just post and charge and OF takes 20% of your earnings. You can set your withdrawals to be on a weekly basis, monthly basis, or ‘request whenever’, BUT you can’t withdraw less than $20, and the money only becomes available for you to withdraw exactly 7 days to the minute of when you earned it. 

Realistically, I earn something almost daily and I usually have something available for withdrawal over the $20 limit. The most money I’ve made in a single morning was $200 (which was an example of me capitalizing on a man with disposable income while he was at his most vulnerable state of being both horny and manic). It is a little annoying to have to plan 7 days after you get a big tip to actually access it, and it does make future plans to close your account more convoluted. Additionally, if you still have active subscribers, OF won’t let you close your account, so be wary of that.

 Part 2: To date, I’ve made $3500+ on OnlyFans specifically… but $5500+ in total since starting my OnlyFans. Work smarter not harder, friends. For some of those followers I mentioned earlier whom I know personally, I just gave them my Venmo, Zelle, or Cashapp so they could pay me directly for content that I sent to them via Onlyfans- because I get to keep all the money and access it immediately while they’re paying the same amount either way. So even though I technically haven’t made ALL of my earnings on Onlyfans, I consider all that money earned directly because of Onlyfans as its very existence was the gateway to those individuals feeling comfortable giving me money in exchange for the same type of content.

Part 3: Yes, I will be taxed for the $3500+ from OF- the 1099 you e-sign when you sign up makes you legally considered a contractor for them (but that also means you can write off shit like lingerie, sex toys, and your fucking internet. Judaism 101… but make it sexy). I have not yet filed my taxes, so I will have to pay some money back to the government for the OF earnings, but when I budgeted the amount I had wanted to make originally for the car stuff, I factored in an extra couple hundred to pay off the taxes too. At this point, when I look at my total earnings, I just mentally chop off a few hundred for taxes to keep things realistic. (Again, Judaism).

Pictured: The last thing I see before I go to bed and the first thing I see when I wake up.

12. Do you keep your fans confidential?

Absolutely. I’m trusting you to not illegally download my shit and share it around the internet or amongst your friends (seriously, please don’t do that), so you should be able to trust that I’m not going to drag your name digitally or verbally. Once you subscribe, you are officially one of my clients and I take that privilege seriously. As I said earlier, there are many people I’ve known from real life to out themselves as one of my subscribers and I would never out them for that. There are 2 main reasons as to why: a) it’s rude and b) it’s just bad business. Remember, I’m trying to make more money off my clients above what they’ve already paid for the initial subscription. No one is going to want to give me their cash if I’m talking shit about them onstage or elsewhere. It’s the mutual part of ‘mutual respect’. 

That being said, of course I have OnlyFans bits in my act, and I do tell some specific stories where, if they’re about you, you’ll know it. But no one else will know it’s you, I promise. Unless you tell them. But then that’s on you. In general, as is the case with the identities of the 7 Chicago comedians I’ve fucked, I keep shit like this on the DL. 

13. How does your boyfriend feel about it? How does it affect your relationship?

Wait, she’s in a relationship? How’d I miss that? 

I don’t talk about it on social media much because a) it’s none of your business and b) I make more money if thirsty dudes think I’m single. But yes, I am currently in a monogamous relationship with a straight man who is fully aware of every aspect of my Onlyfans, having taken and appeared in a few of the pictures and videos himself. He fully supports me in this endeavor. 

A few of my subscribers are fully aware of my relationship status, but Onlyfans is like a job and it is what it is. There are definitely some dudes who have the fantasy of us actually getting together someday (and only in this one instance do I say thank god for Covid because it is hands down the best excuse for not wanting to meet someone in person), and it’s easier for them to be immersed in (and pay more for) the fantasy if they think I’m legitimately single and “waiting for them.” Of course there are those couple of dominant dickholes who like the idea that I would leave my boyfriend for them because their cocks are just THAT INCREDIBLE. Hey, for the right price, I’ll let you believe whatever you want to believe, baby. 

How does my boyfriend feel about it? Well, ladies, I picked a classically toxic, egomaniacal, broken down, decade-in-comedy type of service industry lifer to love, so this shit really doesn’t phase him. In fact, it’s often fodder for our dirty talk. But in all honesty, I’ve learned over the years that I thrive off of attention and will consume it from every possible avenue, so I’ve been very lucky to find a partner than can not only accept that, but get turned on by it. I love getting hit on and he loves dating someone who gets hit on. It works for us, and that’s all you need to know.

14.  How long have you done it for/will you ever stop?

I started it on August 23rd, 2020. First, I was just going to do it until I made the $1000 to pay for the car stuff. When that shockingly happened in just a week, I figured I’d let the people who paid for a month have the rest of their month and just see how much I made. Then, some people paid for 3 months… If the money starts drying up or things feel otherwise dicey, I can set in motion exit plans whenever I need to. But money is still coming in and I’m still enjoying myself, so I’ll keep it going until it makes sense to stop.

15. Aren’t you worried your job or family will find out? 

Yes, I am very worried about that and the insane popularity of this article is probably not helpful, but thank you so much for reading and please continue to share it and subscribe. I do have family members who follow me on Instagram and plenty on Facebook. To be perfectly honest, I am kind of lazy about monitoring who can ‘see’ my posts, so any casual glance and 2 seconds to click the link or Google what Onlyfans is will give family members an eyeful and a relentless wave of silent disappointment and judgment for all eternity, but I’ve already decided to do stand up comedy, so I feel like it’s all just par for the course at this point. I’m extremely lucky to have a family that’s pretty open and accepting in general, so it’s not like they’d kick me out of the will because of it, but still, I’d prefer they remain unaware.

As far as my job- honestly, it would be very bad if my coworkers or boss(es) found out. Technically just having the account is not a fire-able offense, but it sure isn’t great. It’s absolutely a huge risk, but life in a pandemic is just a little bit different than normal life, so the overall sense of America at this time is a little bit closer to an ‘all bets are off’ kind of mentality that makes me feel like I can get away with it just a teensy bit more than if things were ‘normal’. However, if things were ‘normal’ and the pandemic had never happened, for so many reasons, I likely never would’ve started it in the first place…so we’re at where we’re at. 

In short, yes, I am very worried but also, fuck you and fuck 2020 and I’m too tired and hungry to reconcile those two emotions right now.

My boss: “Backyard Cumedienne, huh?”

16. Would you recommend doing OnlyFans to other women/people also looking for a sweet little side hustle? 

Yes, but that depends very much on you and your constitution as a woman/person. Onlyfans is technically not just a sight for amateur pornography, although that certainly seems to be the bulk of its creator-base. I can’t speak to a person’s potential success for using OF to promote non-sex-related content. I will say that it is completely free to use as a creator- I have not spent more than $20 on anything OF related thus far- so if you feel moved to do so, go ahead and start a profile, advertise the shit out of it, and create away. Will it be successful? I have no idea. I had no idea my own page would be successful! Also, ‘success’ is subjective- I’ve determined mine to be a rousing success because I’ve already made 5 times the money I initially wanted to make with it. 

The deeper question here is: do I recommend doing sex-work specifically to women who are in need of extra cash? Truthfully, that’s a harder recommendation for me to make. Although I  wouldn’t take issue with finding out a co-worker or employee does sex work on the side, I can’t single-handedly overturn centuries of institutionalized sexism and our country’s puritanical views on sexual freedom based on ancient patriarchal values that dictate our current society’s view on female sexuality, specifically. We’ve taken a few steps forward over the years with Hilary and whatnot…maybe expanded a few world-views here and there, but we’re nowhere near the level of acceptance we would need to be at for me to just recommend all women go do sex work if that’s what they want. I feel like it would be irresponsible for me to do so. That’s why I’m just answering questions about my experiences from my perspective. That’s why I spent that entire first article yammering on and on about me and my silly little life as a nude model and connection to the burlesque world, etc. I want to make it clear that I am merely answering questions about what my experiences have been like and how I feel about them, and with this information, I encourage you to make your own decisions about whether or not this type of side hustle might work for you. As I stated earlier, if my bosses found out, there would be consequences. I could get fired and I certainly do not earn enough on OF alone to support myself completely. So I take all of these things into consideration when answering this very important and divisive question. 

There’s also a psychological aspect to earning money as a sex worker that not everyone is prepared for given those puritanical patriarchal views I just mentioned. Again, I was desensitized to this field over the course of a decade and have always been able to compartmentalize my sexuality and sexual relationships from the rest of my identity. I’ve babysat before with remnants of dried cum in my hair, and if we’re being honest, I probably will again. Onlyfans is separate. Sex is separate. It’s always been that way for me and probably always will be. But that’s likely not the case for you and THAT’S OKAY. I just want to make it clear that if you’ve never done or been involved in expressing sexuality outside of the bedroom with your partner, doing so for money may be a little mentally/emotionally jarring. I’ve heard some women say that the constant barrage of messages from men or self-imposed pressure to create and upload content caused a lot of anxiety. But on the same token, it might be the catalyst for you to upend your entire view on sexuality and finally give you the courage to seek out more freeing experiences and begin the path towards living your best, most authentic life. All are valid outcomes. 

In summary, onlyfans has only worked for me so far and there is still every chance this will majorly blow up in my face. If you have a lot on the line and this is a huge risk for you, maybe reconsider. But if the circumstances are right for you and you want to give it a try, go for it.

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3 thoughts on “Life in the Fap Lane: My Pandemic as a Sex Worker Part Two

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