If you’re like me and you wait until the dust has settled before deep-diving into prop bets for the Super Bowl, you my friend are in luck. I have discovered some choice prop bets for Super Sunday and will simply give you the winners. All you have to do is donate some of your winnings, let’s call it a bet-tithing, to your favorite comic so they can do something positive with it.
Me? I’ll be donating to Matt Drufke.
Why? Because he’s a good guy and I know any money given to him will be going for something noble. Perhaps a college fund for his boys. Maybe a new re-fill for his waterbed. Or he could just blow it on a fur-lined mic.
As for the game, it’s the Chiefs vs the Buccaneers. In spite of their victory last year and their refusal to change their name or stop that insipid tomahawk chop, I will be very reluctantly rooting for them. It’s not the Buccaneers team as a whole that’s so disturbing, in fact I’d love the see former Bronco Shaq Barrett dismantle the QB machine known as Mahomey. It’s Brady. Tom Brady has been in nearly 25% of all Super Bowls. His teams are 6-3. That’s enough. He needs to lose and lose badly.
I don’t bet on the game itself. It ruins the enjoyment of it for me. Therefore, I think I’ll hit the prop (proposition or ‘side’ bet) bets. Let’s take a quick look at a few of them now.
How Many Commercials will have a dog in them? This is an over-under bet and sits at 4.5. Since a half-dog is pretty much impossible let alone gross, take the over. Biden is in office now so dogs are front page news.
Will there be a COVID vaccine commercial? A ‘no’ means you need to bet 160 to win a 100. However, it’s likely there will not be one specifically about the actual vaccine.
Super Bowl Gatorade shower color? No, it’s not a weird new shower product, it’s about what color the liquid is when it’s poured onto the winning coach. Since the Chiefs will win, I’d go with red/pink. It’s at +300, so $100 wins you $300.
Total TD passes by Mahomes? The over-under is set at 2.5. Over means you need to drop 150 to win a 100. I’d do that.
Will the Game be tied after 0-0? 3-3, 14-14, 11-11, doesn’t matter. Any score. A ‘yes’ has you at dropping 130 to win a 100; ‘no’ 100 to win 110. I’d say they trade TDs before the Chiefs take off and squash Brady like the bug he is, so that’s a ‘yes.’
Does the National Anthem go over the 2:03 mark? Tough call. This year it’s a duet with Eric Church (country) and Jazmine Sullivan (R & B). It’s either going to go slightly under or go way too long. Hoping for short as this duet sounds like a disaster. The Under sits at 140 to win a 100.
Who sings the last note? Church is whiter than Casper so it’s going to be either Sullivan solo or both together. Since Biden is calling for unity, I’d go together. 180 wins you a 100.
Will any scoring drive take less than the time it took to sing the National Anthem? Yes is a heavy bet as it takes 250 to win 100. This means that Vegas pretty much thinks it will happen. Since the Chiefs have sprinters as wide receivers, I’d say it’ll happen.
Which head coach will show his nostrils first? In the days of COVID, the NFL stresses wearing a mask. However, Bucs coach Bruce Arians isn’t a fan of them. As such he is the favorite. Drop 200 to win 100.
What color jacket will The Weeknd wear when he first appears? He’s Canadian so you’d think red? But then again, red is the Chiefs main color so maybe not? Not sure who this hoser wants to win, so I’d go black. 100 wins you 110. Just remember it’s ‘first wears’ as he changes jackets as much as Stevie Nicks changes dresses.
Will the spread or game total be mentioned by the broadcasters? Short work of this one – go with a ‘no.’ It’s a ridiculous 700 to lay to win 100 though so you may want to stay away from this one period.
Will color man Tony Romo predict an offensive play? This one is nearly a lock. He does it pretty much every game. 200 wins you a hondo.
Will either team score in the first 6:30? Do both QBs like to pass? Umm… yes. Takes 155 to win a 100, but it’s seems like a sure bet. Nevertheless, I don’t like this bet as I spend too much time clock-watching.
Which team commits the first penalty? If it’s a Buc 50 wins you 50. The Bucs secondary has to cover Tyreek Hill. I’d go with the Bucs.
Will Bucs WR Scotty Miller’s first reception be over 9.5 yards? He’s their speedster and generally is needed for a long gain. Therefore, it’s a yes $110 wins you $100.
Will Clyde Edwards-Helaire get over 29.5 rushing yards? He’s the Chiefs go-to RB but has been injured and came back to play in the AFC Championship game but got just 7 yards. However, the Bus do not want Mahomes to beat them. The over seems a given $110 to win $100.
Will Leonard Fournette get over 46.5 rushing yards? On the other side of the ball we have Fournette. Same thing. Having old man Brady beat you is a sin. He’ll get over that easily. $110 to win $100.
Will Gronk score a TD? He hasn’t been lately, but I think he will. Chiefs don’t have anyone who can blanket him. I hate to say it as I can’t stand Gronk, but bet he will. $50 wins you $110.
Will Sixers Joel Embiid score more points than the Buccaneers? Mixed sports prop bets are weird, but Embiid has averaged 35 points a game for the last 5 games and plays a Brooklyn Nets team that has a matador defense. Take Embiid. He’s giving 1.5 points to the Bucs. $110 wins you $100.
Over/Under of 3.5 total sacks? Mahomes is slippery, but the Chiefs O-line has some issues. Shaq Barrett and Jason Pierre-Paul (whose name still sounds like a candy bar) will put Mahomes down.
Will this article reach over 1,000 words? It’s not a bet and the answer is yes. Remember to tithe Matt Drufke with some of your winnings. He’ll put it to good use like buy me a burger. Oh, that’s a bet too – will Andy Reid mention the word ‘burger?’ Have you seen him? Yes.