The Philadelphia basketball team was eliminated today. Their complete mismanagement of such a promising team has led them to this fate. So, as they surely deserve, we quench their candle with a poem.
Continue reading “O Woe, O Rapture: Farewell to the Philadelphia 76ers”
It seems like the 2020 election would be the perfect time to shake things up.
For the GOP, there are a vocal and noticeable group of voters looking to separate themselves from President Trump and his policies and rhetoric and stupid face. For the DNC, there is an overwhelming wave of apathy for the Biden/Harris ticket on social media which leaves one to believe that this will be the 800th election in a row where the youth vote chooses to “sit it out”.
This is the perfect time to look third party; someone who can come and unite the disenfranchised and bring people together. Someone who can say, “The two party system has not had your best interest at heart for decades, possibly centuries!” Someone who can bring real change to a nation in dire need of exactly that. And there’s no better party to do so than the Libertarian Party, a political organization which seems to be the right group and the right time.
However, the Libertarian Party has given us Jo Fucking Jorgensen, which means it’s gonna be another election where almost no one is happy.
Don’t worry, though. I can fix everything.
Continue reading “Give Me A Libertarian… Wait, No. Give Me Death.”Perhaps the word ‘love’ is a bit of a stretch. It wasn’t as if I hated the concocted “pre-playoffs” like she was a girlfriend who married the next person they dated after me. The playoffs, COVID-delayed or not, are perpetual. I have only had the woman I dated marry the next person they dated six times, and one of them decided to ‘curve their stick’ and shoot a bit differently, if you know what I mean.
Now the hoopla and fanfare, yes both occurred in the past couple weeks, of both the ‘Round Robin’ and the ‘Pre-Qualifying Round’ has officially exited the ice. Ergo we now have legit playoffs, so let’s take a look at who’s left for the next round. Apparently the NHL has now decided to call the next round the First Round, and I am okay with that. Essentially this means the NHL is now officially smarter than those college guys at the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament (hey remember that? It’s like nostalgia at this point). They convince themselves the play-in games are actually the first round. DUMB.
Did I say “let’s take a look at who’s left?’ I did. Not yet. Just a solid reminder the NHL teams are going nowhere. The Eastern Conference is still playing their games in Toronto at the venerable Scotiabank Arena. The Scotiabank Arena is like the United Center of the North. It’s nice, relatively new, but not a legendary place like Madison Square Garden (which BTW is not a square shape – who knew?). The Western Conference teams are still stuck in Edmonton and play their games at Rogers Place. Same deal. Nice, and kind of like an Olive Garden of arenas… without the breadsticks.
And what teams are not remaining?
Yesterday, Michael Grace came on this website, spreading absolute blasphemy, trying to use science and whatnot to tell the scared, huddled masses that a hot dog is not a sandwich. This kind of elitism will not stand here at Fancy Boys Club. While our name might give you thoughts of men with top hats and monocles, we are actually a very blue collar bunch. We like the simpler things in life. Among those things are an encased tube of various pig parts, cooked well, topped with whatever condiments you can find that aren’t called Ketchup, and we like to eat that hot dog with a domestic beer on a warm, summer day. 10
We are a country that invented everything great, and stole everything we didn’t invent to claim as our own. We are about freedom, drinking, and arguing. But there is one thing there is no arguement for: HOT DOGS ARE A SANDWICH.
Continue reading “Yes, A Hot Dog IS a Sandwich: A Rebuttal”Life is complicated enough right now. COVID is nowhere near slowing down, mostly thanks to the minions who believe it’s a hoax. There are more than 150,000 people who would love to debate those residents of Idiocracy if they could but they can’t, as they died.
Now we have sports making a comeback… of sorts. In a quick breeze let’s rush through what’s up before we get into the nitty gritty dirt band of details for the NHL playoff system.
Continue reading “How the NHL Playoff System Works… or Doesn’t”
Some of you are goddamn idiots. Some of you have always been dumb. For some, the stresses of work in this current environment have made you dumb. For others, the monotony of the quarantine have made you dumb.
One thing IS for sure, though…social media has made some of you unequivocally, irredeemably dumb.
Continue reading “Some Of You Are Goddamn Idiots: An Ongoing Series”
In twelve days, barring a presidential pardon, Roger Stone will report to a prison where he will turn in dapper collection of suits for a significantly less-stylish jumpsuit. How does this affect you? Not at all. Should you care? Honestly? Not that much.
But it is an interesting story. So, for those of you who know nothing about a man who has a significant impact on politics in the last 40 years, let’s take a quick look at the man and his troubles and ask a question that, really, only one person really cares about: Will Roger Stone end up going to prison?
Continue reading “A brief primer on Roger Stone”
By any metric, these last few weeks have been bad for the Trump presidency.
Over the weekend, President Trump attempted to get back on the campaign trail with a stop in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and it was poorly-attended. Twice in three days, members of the administration have had to find ways to justify the President’s use of the term “kung flu” to describe the coronavirus, which is still around despite what some GOP governors may have been telling you. The lone victories in the past ten days or so came from the President bragging that he was successfully able to walk down a ramp (on twitter) and drink a glass of water with one hand (in Tulsa). This kind of seems like the bar for presidential excellence is being set a tad low.
And yet, if I had to wager my last $100 on who would win the election in November, I would bet that Donald Trump would be re- elected.
Continue reading “Election 2020: Learn From Your Mistakes”Let’s call this part the final part, The Closer: The National League.
Part One, The Starter, I delved into a bit of history regarding our ballyhooed National Anthem as well as provided somewhat cogent thoughts on what songs could replace the National Anthem for each American League city. Part Two, The Closer, we will hit the National League cities, but first a few questions:
Why the fuck are we playing the National Anthem at all? What patriotism comprises the beginning of a ballgame? Should we play a game before we battle another country? Is that what we should be doing now? Send our troops over to a foreign country and force them to play an American game before war games commence?
Continue reading “Dear MLB owners – play something else besides the National Anthem, Part Two”
Let’s call Part One – First Starter: The American League
Is there a more perfect time to make a change in how you start a ballgame than now? It’s a question posited by fellow Fancy Boy Jake Breunig and frankly a damn good one.
Now Jake wrote a fabulous article about abolishing the National Anthem this past August. I will defer to him his over-arching replacement choice(s) and instead give each city their just due. However, let’s first take a look at our National Anthem. What we sing is not the entire song. Why? Well it’s what one could call a little shitty toward ‘freemen’ AKA ‘slaves who were freed yet still being treated like shit on both sides.’ As with every war involving America, only the poor and minorities are asked/told to pick up a rifle. During the War of 1812 (when Francis Scott Key wrote the poem that became a song… and later the anthem), freemen were not only ‘enlisted’ to fight for the American side, but the British took a lot of them and “allowed them to fight against their oppressors” which is code for “hello good dark chap, take this rifle and hustle up to the front lines and sacrifice yourself for our cause.”
Continue reading “Dear MLB owners – play something else besides the National Anthem, Part One”
Fancy Boys Club 