The Official Hierarchy Of Social Media Birthday Wishes

The Official Hierarchy Of Social Media Birthday Wishes

They say that there are only two guarantees in life: death and taxes. I think they’re wrong.

Let’s start with the taxes part. Sure, we all pay our taxes. Except we all don’t. The rich have clever ways of getting around that and I’m pretty sure this is why our current president doesn’t want to show any of his returns. So, I’m going to replace taxes with social media, because I have friends on all the social medium who do not pay their taxes.

And death? I mean, yeah… but, man, that’s morose. Let’s flip that around and instead of death, let’s call it life. Doesn’t that feel more positive?

So, now there are only two guarantees in life: life and social media. And in the middle of those come online birthday greetings. But what’s the right one for you to send to someone?

Let’s get into it.

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Reflection at 20,000

Reflection at 20,000

Over the weekend, Fancy Boys Club hit 20,000 total views for a website. So, if you will all excuse me, I’m about to buy a jet and fly to an island, which I will also buy. See you later, dorks! Next time you see me, I’ll be writing for McSweeneys or some shit!

Look, I’m obviously aware that 20k is not a lot of views for a website. This is still just a place where I get to write nonsense and read some amazing work from writers I really love and admire. However, the last 9 months have been an absolute blast, and we’ve put out some really interesting and special work. I’m really proud of the Fancy Boys Club, and I hope you have enjoyed visiting us as much as we’ve enjoyed giving you things to read. Also, I look at my wordpress app every fifteen minutes to see how well our blogs are doing.

So, if you’ll indulge me, I have a few thoughts.

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Bombs Away and we’re not Okay

What is it that I can do to make this young woman laugh? Hell, what is it I can do just to make her relax enough to uncross her arms?

She sat there staring at me. It felt like an eternity up there, trotting out 4 minutes of material about my mother. It wasn’t the best, but it had worked before. A few laughs here and there, enough to revise it, throw some parts out, try to add some in.

But it wasn’t working. Not on Rhiamon (not her real name but it fits). Whatever I had done to somehow suck out every single bit of bile from her and none of the laughter? That was working. It’s not what I wanted, but it was what I was going to get.

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Give Me Power

Give Me Power

There is no good reason to vote for Biden. I’ve read the arguments, and I’ve been trying to find one that exists within a moral framework, but it doesn’t exist. Biden is a shitbag ’90s Republican and Republicans are, at best, amoral.

There is reason to vote for Biden; he is not Trump. The end. “Biden is not Trump” is not a good reason to vote for someone, it is just a reason. Stop trying to convince me there is anything behind a vote for Biden aside from that. He has no policy positions that I can support, because he has no policies at all. Feel free to argue that he does — he has a website with some on it — but for fuck’s sake, he has a history, we know what that is, and it’s shit. Should he become President, he will continue to be shit. He’s as corrupt as everyone else, he’s a patriarchal moron, and he will absolutely cave to the Republicans at every opportunity. If you can’t see that, you haven’t been paying attention.

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Support Your Local Podcasters!

Support Your Local Podcasters!

With some states continuing their COVID-19 containment protocols into this month (as Illinois is), people are having more and more free time. Puzzles are getting completed at an alarming rate. Books which were meant to be read are being picked up… to return to the shelf because it’s in the way of the television remote. Series are being streamed.

And yes, it appears to be the perfect time to check out some new podcasts, baby!

Here are some of my favorite podcasts that you might want to check out. To make it even more appealing, these are podcasts created by some of my favorite comedians and content creators in the Chicago (and suburban) comedy scene. Let’s get podcasting!


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How I Got Thrown Out Of The Illinoisans Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Continuing Saga, I Guess?

How I Got Thrown Out Of The Illinoisans Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Continuing Saga, I Guess?

You guys, I swear… I was trying to be nice.

I went into this weekend with a heart full of love and acceptance and a mind prepared to discuss differing opinions and determined to see the other side of the situation. I was going to be a different person; a unifier, a leader in difficult times.

That lasted most of a morning.

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How I Got Thrown Out Of The Michiganders Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Short Story

How I Got Thrown Out Of The Michiganders Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Short Story

If you read my last post, you know I’ve taken issue with some of the protests which have popped up around various state capitals. Fun story: In writing that last sentence, I almost wrote, “protests which pooped up”, which was horrible spelling but also funny and accidentally accurate.

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Brandon Solves the Internet: 4/22 Edition

Brandon Solves the Internet: 4/22 Edition

Hey Everyone. While i’m wallowing in my own sense of defeat at the persistent end of days scenario that this stupid simulation of the world seems to be hucking us towards, I reached out for questions from my friends on Facebook so I can solve the internet for them! Take it away, my dear, dear friends!

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Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition

Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition

Here at Fancy Boys Club, we love our writers, and we hope you do to. They work very hard to put out amazing and fun content for us and we think they’re really special.

But you should also be following them on twitter.

Here are some fun tweets from some of our writers over the last few days:

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Buh-Bye XFL – A chat

Ciao. Ta ta. Sayonara. Is it sad? Can’t say I was totally invested in it, but there were some things that certainly spent time idling about hoping against all hope the XFL would return and flourish. As such, while I broke open the grill for another fabulous outdoor season of sizzling meat by tending to a rack of baby backs, I decided to conduct an interview with one who had been in the trenches since not only this re-issue of the XFL, but has been there since the first XFL experiment.

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