It’s a well known fact to both casual and hardcore Taylor Swift fans that she got her start in “The Toilet Nashville” the preeminent all girls GWAR cover band in the preeminent bachelorette party town in the country. It’s canon in Swift fandom that she went by the pseudonym Swiftcake The Mighty. After the band broke up due to creative differences, Swift would go on to have one of the most successful singles act careers in the history of terrible music.
What isn’t brought up as much, due to Swift and her army’s maniacal desire to hide this part of her musical history by scrubbing the internet by only clicking on posts about Taylor that are in Teen Vogue, is that there is a very noticeable influence in the lyrics that Taylor Swift has manufactured for her and the lyrics of the band she once vomited on people at Acme Feed and Seed in honor of.
Now, with the release of Taylor Swift’s newest album Midnight, lets play everyone’s favorite game!
How hard is it to tell the difference between a Taylor Swift lyric and a Gwar lyric? Let’s find out by playing WHOSE LYRIC IS IT? TAYLOR SWIFT OR GWAR?!?
The Lyric: I hate that stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive / You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying / So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time / As far as I’m concerned, you’re just another picture to burn.
The Artist: GWAR
While one of their slightly more obscure songs, this is off of GWAR’s breakthrough album Scumdogs of the Universe. Sexecutioner had notably been dating Dolly Parton at the time and had a bad breakup when she left him for a young Travis Tritt. The raw feeling from the queen of country music leaving him led him to write these lyrics. “I guess I was just looking for love in all of the wrong places,” Sexecutioner would tell Teen Vogue.
The Lyric: Met the National Guard and you shit in your pants. It’s not your imagination, it’s not a bad trippie. Yes that’s him, it’s the big smelly hippie!
The Artist: Taylor Swift
Off of her notoriously angsty self titled first album, Taylor Swift shows for the first time a thread that would carry on through every album: an intense, visceral hatred of hippies. Her hatred would earn her citations from the FBI for inciting a riot on several occasions, most notably around Burning Man. “Fuck those fucking dirty trash bags. If I wanted to be around poor people who can’t keep a job, i’d call Trey Anastacio back” Swift memorably said to Larry Flynt on his podcast.
The Lyric: And I don’t know why / But with you I’d dance in a storm / In my best dress / Fearless
The Artist: GWAR
Beefcake the Mighty was always seen more as the poet of the group. A Sagittarius through and through, he has always been the person in the group more known for their abiity to live life to the fullest and not be scared of what anyone, society or otherwise. Their open nature towards life shines through in this lyric, off of the band’s 2020 release Evermore. Beefcake has been called the master lyricist of their generation, notably sharing a stage with the late Loretta Lynn and the Dixie Chicks at the 2009 Country Music Awards.
The Lyric: You know I’m totally flaccid / I’m just a limp mega-prick / You know I’m looking for / A stupid white chick
The Artist: Taylor Swift
Known as quite possibly the most line pushing song writer since GG Allin, Swift comes right out and puts it out on the table with the raw sexuality that had come to be expected of her by the time her “America Must Be Destroyed” album came out. Possibly channeling her raging testosterone she is known for, or just projecting her urge for a good bonin’, Taylor leaves America slack jawed and in awe of her ability to throw uncontrolled sexuality into the ether.
The Lyric: I’ve been spending the last eight months / Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end / But on a Wednesday in a café, I watched it begin again.
The Artist: GWAR
Nippleus Erectus has always been known as the heart and soul of the band. Whether it be his rallying cries for LGBTIA rights or his fund raising during Covid lockdown, he has been a beacon of the musical community. Known for honesty above all in the lyrics that he writes, his purity of heart shines through in these lyrics, off of the band’s Lover album. Known as a turning point for the band, their crossover appeal which had been shining brightly for so long in the hearts of hardcore fans would now gain worldwide appeal.
The Lyric: My life in your guts, my knife will fuck sluts / My soul I will kill, your hole I will drill / My knife in your guts, you swallow my fist / My knife in your guts, it’s all come to this
The Artist: Taylor Swift
It makes sense that we end this with TayTay’s newest album, Midnight. Taylor Swift often speaks to her fascination with serial killers, and this song continues a decades long theme of writing songs while embodying the spirit of Aileen Wuornos. “Aileen was truly the definition of what the female matriarchy needs to be to shake up this woke atmosphere that I cannot possibly stand for another moment” was famously said by Swift during a roundtable discussion with Charlie Kirk and Jordan Peterson at a Fragile Men’s Conference.
Fancy Boys Club 