Author: Brandon Andreasen

Football Gambling Writer. Comedy Writer Twitter: @awfulmusicfacts fancyboysclub.com footballabsurdity.com
Comedy, Pop Culture

You Got A Lot of Cranium Accessories…Comedy Central at 30

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Everyone has a jumping off point. It could have been Dr. Katz. Maybe it was a rerun of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Perhaps it was the Mitch Hedberg or Lewis Black comedy specials. Hell, for people of a certain age, their first experience was South Park and Crank Yankers. No matter how you discovered it, Comedy Central has acted as a comedy gateway for multiple generations of people.

Last week, Comedy Central celebrated it’s 30th birthday. Seen today as a cable stalwart, it’s beginnings were much more humble, but no less important. Started as the Comedy Channel, an HBO vertical dedicated exclusively to comedy, it would air comedy programming exclusively, with it’s programming backbone being HBO comedy specials, which were, at the time, considered to be the highest honor bestowed upon a comic. At various points during it’s early days, it gave television spots to Jon Stewart and Marc Maron, and played host to off kilter and niche sketch comedy and standup.

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Advice, Comedy, Sports

Brandon’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays: Colin Kaepernick

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Welcome to the holidays! Is there anything better than spending time with friends and family, good food, good times, and the inevitable specter of someone coming in to ruin everything with their piping hot political takes that come in dryer than your dad’s turkey? Every year, Fancy Boys Club co-founder Brandon Andreasen is here to guide you through the holidays in a way that will hopefully allow you to survive with your brain intact, if not quite your sanity. All though Christmas season, Brandon will talk you through topics to survive the minefield that is getting all of your family together at once.

Timing is a funny thing. It can be a great sense of serendipity, or it can be the harbinger for your uncle to explain why people are supposed to stand for the National Anthem. For those who are blissfully disconnected from social media, Colin Kaepernick is in the news again, which is sure to agitate the most flag humping of your friends and family members.

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Sports

FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 12

by Brandon Andreasen1 Comment on FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 12

As snow covers the ground and the summer becomes a distant memory, so to does the dreams of most football fans. As teams have now completed their tenth games of the season, we stare down the barrel of reality that around five teams can win the Super Bowl this year. Everyone assumed the Patriots and Rams would be there. The Ravens were a playoff team last year and made the logical leap into the elite this season. The Packers and 49ers, on the other hand, were both coming off terrible seasons before making the jump into contention this year.
And the other teams expected to compete this year? The Rams have quarterback issues. The Eagles have quarterback issues. The Bears have a quarterback black hole that could devour us all. Meanwhile the Bills, in spite of being objectively bad, are going to tap dance into the playoffs. Someone is bound to win the AFC South to earn the right to somehow lose to the Bills in the first round of the playoffs.
Football is stupid. Like, the guy jumping through the cake in the November Rain video stupid. Anyway, here are this week’s power rankings.

1: Baltimore Ravens

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Uncategorized

FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 11

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 11

A quick update about me: last week, I spent the entire week dealing with allergies that I assumed would go away. I felt better at some points, and worse at others. I couldn’t focus enough on anything other than dragging myself to work that I didn’t write the Power Rankings last week. I went though the entire weekend thinking I was getting better. Turns out, I was wrong. I finally broke down and went to a doctor today and it turns out that the allergies had spurred a massive infection that was attacking my throat and eyes. If the infection doesn’t get better through antibiotics and steroids, i’m going to have to go to the hospital Wednesday, which is…thrilling. Anyway, if this rankings isn’t great, it’s because I have zero will to write. I’m powering through for the site. Now, onto the rankings. I’m using the gap week to completely reset all of the rankings and work from this point for the rest of the season.

1: Baltimore Ravens

Sometimes, teams show up to games they know they are going to win, and therefore just sleepwalk through it and escape with a win. The Ravens went with a different option, which was to beat the absolute piss out of the Bengals, breaking their spirits in the process. Lamar Jackson is about one Russell Wilson misstep away from being the MVP front runner.

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Music/Movies, Pop Culture

Open Road Song is a Trashdick

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In 1966, John Lennon said that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. This was the biggest thing to happen to music until Monday, November 4th, 2019. A discussion rose up, no more mundane than any other. The premise was simple. Which Eve 6 song was better: Inside Out or Anytime. Inside Out being one of the predominant bangers of 1998, and future Billboard Modern Rock Track of the Year, is the track that Eve 6 is most known for. It is the apex of sorts in American pop culture. Anytime was, in the eyes of everyone who has ever listened to music, one of the great examples of guitar, drum, bass, and lyrics in the history of mankind. Ranking up there with such luminaries as “Like a Rolling Stone” by Bob Dylan, “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” by Sam Cooke, and “How Bizarre” by Otarra Millionaires Club, Anytime is the ear worm from the soundtrack to “Gone With the Wind” rivaling epic Out Cold.

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Misc.

From the Archives: The Last Days of My Dog

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on From the Archives: The Last Days of My Dog

I recently found an old blog I wrote many years ago. Going through it, I was struck by how much my writing has changed, yet somehow stayed in a very similar vein. Every once in a while, i’m going to drop some old blog posts I wrote. Ones that I feel strongly about, or still strike a chord with me. I wrote this one in early 2012, I think just a few hours after I had to put my first real dog down.

15 years is a long time to know somebody. I can count the number of friends I’ve had for 15 years on one hand. 15 years accounts for more than half of my life. 15 years ago, I was 12 years old. I was in the 7th grade. Sammy Sosa was my favorite baseball player. I listened to Sublime constantly in spite of the fact that I really didn’t understand the lyrics. Titanic came out for the first time when I was 12. It was also how old I was when we got Pepe.

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Sports, Wrestling

WWE And the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

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WWE And the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

Say what you will about WWE, but whether it’s in the ring or in real life, they know how to keep people on the edge of their seats and wanting more. Since Thursday, the company has lost over a billion dollars, were again heavily criticized for being a gleaming travelogue for an authoritarian regime, had most of their staff held essentially hostage, and put on one of their best shows in years. Wrestling fans always love the blurring of lines between kayfabe (wrestling speak for the characters and storylines that they operate under) and real life, but none were as starkly dramatic as the events of late last week.

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Advice

Brandon Ruins the Internet: Letters to the Editor

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Brandon Ruins the Internet: Letters to the Editor

Fancy Boys Club co-founder Brandon Andreasen is a 35 year old in a 70 year old’s body. He doesn’t understand memes, but laughs at them because he is afraid of being exposed as old. Just for fun, he is periodically going to do his best to ruin the internet like he does in real life: long winded and factually dubious.

Today, Brandon has scoured the internet for Letters to the Editor, and is going to answer them in the only way he knows how. Obnoxiously.

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Sports

FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 9

by Brandon Andreasen1 Comment on FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 9

As you are reading this, the NFL trade deadline is about to happen/has happened in the past few hours. It’s not going to be that interesting because some teams have already made their moves, while other teams don’t have the draft capital to make a move. If I had my way, though, we would see more teams be obvious sellers and grab as many draft picks as possible.
Just for fun, here are some trades i’d like to see:

Von Miller to the Seahawks for 2020 1st and 2nd round Picks.
The only thing that really needs to happen for this trade to come true is for Miller to be critical of the Broncos. That’s really all it takes to get kicked out of town anymore. The Seahawks defense is treading water, and it seems like a waste to keep Miller in Denver, where they are quarter assing a rebuild while they deftly try to avoid making a correct move at quarterback.

Andy Dalton to the Bears for 2020 2nd round pick.
Andy Dalton is essentially the bell curve for quarterback competency. If you are better than Andy Dalton, you are a good quarterback. If you are worse than Andy Dalton, you are a bad quarterback. Mitch Trubisky is the 29th ranked QB in the NFL according to QBR, which isn’t a perfect stat, but seems to encapsulate his season pretty well. The Bears still have a good enough defense to make a playoff run. They are getting killed by the fact that they are too dumb to see Mitch Trubisky’s limitations.
Also, Andy Dalton could be cut with no dead money after the season, so it’s not a huge loss to send him away in April.

Buccaneers trade Ronald Jones to Detroit Lions for a 4th round pick in 2020
Not a huge move, but it could pay huge dividends for the Lions. Jones has gotten better this season for the Bucs, but they are a throwing team. Detroit lost Kerryon Johnson a couple weeks ago. Jones is just good enough to be a three down running back in a pinch down the stretch run.

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