On the Verge of Divorce

On the Verge of Divorce

I confess. I have had quite the love affair with you Chipotle, and not from afar either. It’s been a passionate cornucopia of taste bud delightfulness from the first day I met you. But now, my heart is speaking here not my taste buds, we are on the verge of a divorce.

Even though you did come riding out on your burro burritos-ablazin’ in 1993 in Denver, it wasn’t until a fall day in Chicago in the year 2000 (or so, details are fuzzy when it comes to love) when I first encountered you. I was in awe of your selection, your speed and the quality of your fare. Frankly, without apologies, it was love at first bite.

You, however, were not my first love. Way back in the days when phones still had cords that were (unless your parents were rich) only 3 feet long so everyone within the confines of the kitchen knew who and what you were talking about I fell for the new fast-food kid on the block. I was a niño of seven, and these Americans pretending to be Mexicans were fresh, lovely and enticing.

Well maybe not so fresh but again, I was seven. Everything was fresh back then at Taco Bell. Yes, they were the first to hold me to their faux-Mexican bosom and feed me Mexican-Americanized delights. The first offering I tasted I loved – the Chili Burger which was soon changed to the Bellburger then soon after changed to the Bell Beefer. Yep. Taco Bell had a burger which was effectively a Mexicanish sloppy joe. Imagine if you will, Taco Bell’s basic ground beef liberally splashed with mild sauce, topped with cheese and squished between soft luscious buns. Loved it, but it went away. Was I crushed? A bit sad for certain but there were so many other delights on the Taco Bell menu board to try. Plus, at the time ALL of them (except for the Bellburger) had pronunciations next to them. I could get a “buh-ree-toh” or a “toh-stah-dah” or just a plain old “tah-coh.”

Look at that menu! No, ‘free-ho-lays’ were not free.


It was an affair that would last the better part of 45 years.

Continue reading “On the Verge of Divorce”

March Fatness: The Liver Failure Round (Sweet 16) plus Tuesday results…

March Fatness: The Liver Failure Round (Sweet 16) plus Tuesday results…

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

Continue reading “March Fatness: The Liver Failure Round (Sweet 16) plus Tuesday results…”

March Fatness: Friday results plus the Sweet 16 Match-Ups

March Fatness: Friday results plus the Sweet 16 Match-Ups

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

Continue reading “March Fatness: Friday results plus the Sweet 16 Match-Ups”

March Fatness: The High Cholesterol Region (Round Of 32) plus Thursday results

March Fatness: The High Cholesterol Region (Round Of 32) plus Thursday results

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Enter March Fatness.

Today marks day four of the second round of the with The High Cholesterol Regional.

Vote for your favorites over on the Fancy Boys Club Facebook page. Polls close at 10 am tomorrow and then its on to the Sweet Sixteen. Voting will resume Tuesday.

Unlike America, we like to make voting easy. So find links to all of today’s match-ups below:

(1) McDonalds McChicken Sandwich v (8) Culver’s Cheese Curds

(5) Wendy’s Frosty v (4) Taco Bell’s Crunchwrap Supreme

(6) Wendy’s Baked Potato v (3) Portillo’s Chocolate Cake Shake

(7) Jimmy John’s Gargantuan v (2) Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich

Voting ends Saturday at 10:00 am CST. We encourage all shares and comments.

Heart Attack Region Results

Yesterday, you voted for which items in the Heart Attack Region would advance to the Sweet 16. Here are the results from those match-ups:

(1) Arby’s Curly Fries keeps their hopes alive, easily beating (9) KFC’s Famous Bowl, 76%-24%.
(13) Dairy Queen’s Blizzard continues it’s role as spoiler, this time destroying (5) Carl Jr./Hardee’s Quarter Pounder, 89%-11%.
(3) Culver’s Double Cheddar Burger eliminated (11) Arby’s Jamocha Shake, 81%-19%.
(2) Panera’s Broccoli Cheddar Bread Bowl knocked out (7) Portillo’s French Fries, 58%-42%.

The match-ups are now live! Get out and vote.

March Fatness Instant Reactions: Round 1, Day 4

The first round is in the books! Thank you to everyone who voted in round one, except for the people who voted for the Jamocha Shake. Your names will all be given to the government and you will be charged as foreign spies trying to bring down the democratic voting process. Let’s take a look at day 4 of round one.

Continue reading “March Fatness Instant Reactions: Round 1, Day 4”

March Fatness: The High Cholesterol Region (with results from the Heart Attack Region)

March Fatness: The High Cholesterol Region (with results from the Heart Attack Region)

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good. Sometimes, it’s can barely even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Whether it’s burgers, fries, desserts, or a variety of other items, we’ve taken 64 of the best foods which are prepared quickly and will have them competing against each other. And we need your help to determine the winner.

Continue reading “March Fatness: The High Cholesterol Region (with results from the Heart Attack Region)”

March Fatness Round 1, Day 1: Instant Reaction

March Fatness Round 1, Day 1: Instant Reaction

Day one is in the books and for the most part, voting went completely as expected with only one upset, that is only an upset if you really think strongly of mediocre sandwiches. Here are some quick reactions from day 1 of the March Fatness Tournament.

Continue reading “March Fatness Round 1, Day 1: Instant Reaction”