One Dipped Beef to Go

One Dipped Beef to Go

There’s a dry-erase calendar hanging up behind me as I begin to write this. It mostly displays my work schedule and reminders of an occasional virtual D&D session. I bought it a couple years ago because I thought having a physical calendar would give me one less thing to rely on my phone for, as if my eyes being constantly glued to a screen would be a calendar’s fault and not the dark, endless ocean of internet garbage. Right now, however, as I write these very words, there’s something different written at the bottom of the calendar: “Days Left: 26”.

I chuckled to myself this morning at how vague it would look to an onlooker, and I laughed even harder knowing that a realtor would be showing my apartment to potential new tenants this afternoon. I considered planting ominous objects near the calendar to further the mystery. Mostly, I contemplated the large dive knife in a shoebox on my closet shelf, as purchasing a spool of rope would perhaps be a bit extravagant and in poor taste. All sight gags aside, the event the countdown represents is not even close to sinister, but it represents one of the most significant events I’ll ever experience; I’m leaving the only area I’ve ever known my whole life to move across the country.

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Tucker Carlson, Sydney Powell and Why Republicans Lie So Fucking Much

Tucker Carlson, Sydney Powell and Why Republicans Lie So Fucking Much

I cannot imagine it feels good to be called a liar whom no one should take seriously. I assume it would feel even worse if the person saying that about you is supposed to be an ally you trust. However, I have no idea what if feels like to have a person whom you trust say that about you because they’re using it as a legal defense… but I can’t imagine you’re feeling great, even if you’re the Kraken.

This is exactly what is happening in the defamation lawsuit right now that Dominion Voting Systems, Inc. has brought against Sydney “The Kraken” Powell for $1.3 billion (yes, with a “b”). Dominion is suing other people including former Trump attorney (and Razzie nominee) Rudy Giuliani and the guy who owns MyPillow, whose name I do not care enough to find out so I will just call him Mike Pillow.

I find these lawsuits fascinating, but there are three things that I am absolutely floored by as I’ve been following this story and thinking about how it relates to the state of modern conservative politics. The first is watching a lawyer argue that not only is their client a liar, but that everyone knows their client is a liar and no person who isn’t a fucking idiot should know not to take anything they say as a fact. The second is that Tucker Carlson, arguably the most viewed voice in conservative media, also used the same defense a few years ago. But it’s the third thing that’s maybe the most frightening to me, and should be the most terrifying to all of us:

Legally, this defense works.

Welcome to modern conservative politics.

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The Death of WCW Turns 20

The Death of WCW Turns 20

It wasn’t supposed to end the way it did. It seemed like an institution, but in the grand scheme of the wrestling industry, it was more of a comet that shone brightly through the night sky of the industry, and flamed out just as spectacularly, imploding into itself like a neutron star. They filled some of the biggest venues in the country. Every week, millions of wrestling obsessed fans watched them. They even wrestled in North Korea.

And then it all ended, at spring break in front of drunken revelors in Daytona Beach of all places.

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Jessica Walter 1941-2021

Jessica Walter 1941-2021

It felt like a gut punch. It felt like so many things that I love had died at once. It felt like losing a sharp, foul mouthed family member. It came in a tweet. Things like this always do in this day and age. Jessica Walter, an integral part of my comedy enjoyment over the past two decades had passed away today at the age of 80.

Walter’s career spanned seven decades. Her TV career predates steaming. It predates cable. It even predates the proliferation of color television. Walter starred in memorable television shows over the decades such as FBI, Mannix, Love American Style, The Love Boat, Trapper John MD, and Murder, She Wrote. She won an Emmy in the 1970’s for her role in the show Amy Prentiss.

She was even the mom on Dinosaurs!

But more importantly, she was Mallory Archer.

And EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY than that, she was Lucille Bluth.

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The NHL Report: Halftime

The Avalanche finally reached the 50% mark, actually a game over as they dominated the Wild yesterday afternoon with a 6-0 victory. Yes it is half the season – even if the Stars have only played 26 games and a few teams are at game 34. The Stars are in Dallas which is in Texas which believes COVID is a Democratic conspiracy done in conjunction with China.

Halftime. You sure? Those of who are observant of hockey, there is no halftime in a game. I once took a date to a Blackhawks game and at the end of the first period, she asked me “Is it halftime?” In hindsight it would have been easy to explain to her the game is divided up in thirds, but I just stared at her. Thusly the conversation went as such:
“Is this halftime?”

(silent stare)

“It is, right? Let’s go get snacks.”

“Actually, it’s the end of the first period. There is no halftime in hockey.”

“You’re an asshole.”

Couldn’t blame her. The stare was a little harsh. But the date was not going well anyway. Let’s move along, much as I did after that date.

The Avalanche and Wild don’t like each other much. Then again, the Avalanche don’t really like anybody.
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Back Home Again: Your Guide to Picking a Team in the All-Indiana NCAA Tournament

Back Home Again: Your Guide to Picking a Team in the All-Indiana NCAA Tournament

When I say that I love basketball, I say it with all of the conviction that Senator Sheev Palpatine claims to love democracy. Basketball, most basketball played, is just a means to an end. That end being the NBA, where the game is played at its highest level. Still, there is an undeniable charm and magic to the amateur game, especially here in Indiana. For the better part of the 20th Century, Indiana held a massive, all-inclusive high school tournament called Hoosier Hysteria. It meant that teams from around Indianapolis, Terre Haute, and Chicago burbs (aka The Region) could play against teams from towns with populations smaller than the aforementioned schools’ graduation classes. It was something special, but for the last quarter-century it has been absent, reformed as tournaments for each separate class of schools. This year, all 67 games of the NCAA’s signature event will be played in the state of Indiana. In some way, for at least one year, the Hysteria has returned.

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FBC Oscar Coverage, Part V: The Ten Best Oscars of all Time

FBC Oscar Coverage, Part V: The Ten Best Oscars of all Time

It’s snowing in Colorado today. We’re supposed to get somewhere between 18 inches and 3 feet, depending upon what part of the front range your domicile resides. As such, why not give you some great Oscar moments in time.

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