The NHL Report: Halftime

The Avalanche finally reached the 50% mark, actually a game over as they dominated the Wild yesterday afternoon with a 6-0 victory. Yes it is half the season – even if the Stars have only played 26 games and a few teams are at game 34. The Stars are in Dallas which is in Texas which believes COVID is a Democratic conspiracy done in conjunction with China.

Halftime. You sure? Those of who are observant of hockey, there is no halftime in a game. I once took a date to a Blackhawks game and at the end of the first period, she asked me “Is it halftime?” In hindsight it would have been easy to explain to her the game is divided up in thirds, but I just stared at her. Thusly the conversation went as such:
“Is this halftime?”

(silent stare)

“It is, right? Let’s go get snacks.”

“Actually, it’s the end of the first period. There is no halftime in hockey.”

“You’re an asshole.”

Couldn’t blame her. The stare was a little harsh. But the date was not going well anyway. Let’s move along, much as I did after that date.

The Avalanche and Wild don’t like each other much. Then again, the Avalanche don’t really like anybody.

In the East Division, we have a bit of a falling out so to speak, and that’s with both the Bruins of Boston and the Flyers of Philadelphia. Boston is kind of in break mode and just not playing well but they are still in it. Philadelphia seems to have lost their will to skate – they lost to the Rangers of New York 9-0 on St. Paddy’s Day. As such, the team I thought would miss the playoffs, the Penguins of Pittsburgh, are in it for now. Your other expected teams – the Islanders of New York/Long Island and the Capitals of Washington – sit atop the division.

In the North Division, aka the All Canada Show, the Maple Leafs of the metropolis of Toronto are doing quite well and threaten to run away with the division. The Oilers of Edmonton have caught the Maple Leafs to share the division lead, but they have played two games more so it doesn’t really count. The surprising Jets (hoo-woo-woo-woo-woo-hoo-Jets!) of Winnipeg are parked in position 3 and the aptly named Canadians of Montreal are clinging to a tight lead over the Canucks of Vancouver for slot 4. Currently, the North is the tightest division in the NHL with only a 9 points separating number 1 from number 6.

The “Central” division, where the Blackhawks sit, have their leader in the Lightning of Tampa Bay. Hence the “Central” in quotes – no one but the famous geographical wizard known as Donald John Trump would ever put Tampa Bay in the Central – or the Panthers of Florida for that matter. As it is, the Blackhawks are a tiebreaker out of the final playoff position in this division for now but both them and the Blue Jackets of Columbus are a whopping 10 points away from #3 who are the Hurricanes of Carolina. The mighty Blackhawks are not playing well against the top tier teams and that may end up being their downfall.

Now for the division in which the Avalanche of Colorado play, the aptly named West division. The ‘Avs are in the playoffs for now along with the Blues of St. Louis, The Wild of Minnesota, and the Golden Showers of Vegas with the Showers in first… for now. The Avalanche are starting to heat up.

Now that we are halfway through let’s take a look at updated futures odds to win hoist the Cup of Lord Stanley, shall we? Your top five are:
Lightning: +550
Maple Leafs: +600
Golden Knights: +700
Avalanche: +725
Hurricanes: +1000
Your bottom five:
Devils: +40,000
Ducks: +40,000

Sabres: +100,000
Senators: +100,000
Red Wings: +100,000

What these numbers mean is this – If you want to drop $1 on the Lightning to hoist the cup, you win $5.50 back. On the Red Wings to win the Stanley Cup? You’ll get your $1 back plus $99 more. Crazy money, but the Dead Wings are not making the playoffs period. As such, that’s a really stupid bet. All the other teams not mentioned sit between the blue lines.

You may have been asking yourself, why in the hell is he calling the teams the XX of XX this time? What has gotten into him? It all goes back to that awful date. After obviously knowing this was not going well, I started talking in Shakespearian English yet without the English accent just to entertain myself.

I know what you’re thinking – what an asshole.

Next NHL Report – the 80% mark, AKA when the Avalanche reach Game 45, scheduled to be the 3rd week of April.

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