Fancy Boys Club

Han Shan – written by Jordan Holmes

July 8, 2024July 8, 2024by The Fancy BoysLeave a Comment

I realize that this will be a difficult concept to understand, it is foreign, but I am intractable. I am uninterested in whatever you have found in these that you don’t like. It is what it is. We are at an impasse.

You may call me names, you may find me disgusting, you may find my nature annoying or brash or hypocritical; whatever you may desire I give to you as your personal genie. But I will not change my mind. I will not alter my course. I will not take steps I don’t want to take.

You may blame me! Blame me! I accept! I am at fault for Biden’s loss! And I raise you, we are at fault for Biden’s loss! How about that? Whatever blame you may cast upon me, you owe yourself as well! Except when I take that blame, I will take it knowing I tried it your way first, you failed, and I gave you the option to change. I accept full responsibility for my actions.

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food

So You Don’t Have To: The Taco Bell Big Cheez-It

July 8, 2024July 7, 2024by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Mashups were really popular in 2009. They faded in popularity, and now are only used by the type of out-of-touch brand execs that are trying to shoehorn competing ideas into one godawful idea. Taco Bell has used this concept to success in the past. The Doritos Locos Taco was a hit that continues to be a mainstay on their menu. If you look at the spectrum of successful fast food amalgamations, the Doritos dust laced taco has to be at the most successful side of the spectrum. Could Taco Bell pull off another food of the summer with their latest Frankenstein monster of a project, the Big Cheez-It? I found out, so you don’t have to.

Business: Taco Bell
Item: Big Cheez-It Crunchwrap Supreme and Big Cheez-It Tostada
Calories: 570 for the Supreme, 230 for the Tostada

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politics

Bop it! Twist it! Steal it! – written by Jordan Holmes

July 7, 2024by The Fancy Boys2 Comments

A boundary is not a boundary if you can cross it. A principle is not a principle if it can be tossed aside. Once argument reaches the boundary, argument is over and conflict begins. We are in opposition. There is no argument to be had. If you disagree with my principles, you are wrong, incorrect, someone to be ignored and not listened to.

That is the definition of a principle.

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Comedy, Pop Culture, television

Jack Baker’s Best Moments on the WGN Morning Show, Ranked

July 5, 2024July 5, 2024by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Jack Baker is, by all accounts, a very successful local comedian. He is the main editor on this very site, has a Youtube special, and this weekend, he will be headlining the Comedy Vault in Batavia on July 6th at 7 pm. Buy Your Tickets Here. To help drum up interest in his set, he was tasked with going on WGN Morning News on Wednesday to talk about his special, his life, and ostensibly, his lifelong war against milk.

This is a big deal for any comic. But as any comic worth his weight in cheap liquor knows, we are also a very vindictive bunch who doesn’t want to see anyone else succeed! With that in mind, let’s take a look at Jack Baker’s WGN Morning News appearance and go over every bit, then rank them at the end!

Were You Lying? – written by Jordan Holmes

July 4, 2024July 4, 2024by The Fancy Boys3 Comments

I’ve been struggling deeply for the past week, I’ve been struggling with the same feeling I had during Alex Jones’ trial in Texas. I am bipolar, I am prone to mania, I’m prone to delusions of grandeur, so, in general, any time I think I can see something that the rest of the world cannot, I assume I am in the wrong.

Sometimes, I am suspicious that the rest of the world can, in fact, see what I see, and they are gaslighting me. I’m sure I’m right sometimes. But seeing the world through that lens will make you crazy, so no matter what the circumstances, it’s wiser to let it go.

But now, as in the trial, I know the rest of the world sees what I see and I know that the world is gaslighting me.

What’s more, what’s worse for my psyche, is that I know that when I talk to the TV, so to speak, the TV can hear me. I am fucking loud. I am not insane. I am not manic. I am not delusional.

All of you are out of your fucking minds.

Democracy is on the ballot

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politics

An Article on Watching the Presidential Debate (because there’s no wrestling on TV on Thursday Nights)

June 28, 2024December 8, 2024by rikimjadamsLeave a Comment

On the evening of Thursday June 27th, I found myself in a terrible situation. Most nights of the week I can watch wrestling-

To start the week, there’s WWE’s Monday Night Raw.

NXT is the WWE “minor league feeder show” on Tuesday nights.

Wednesdays bring AEW Dynamite.

Friday has WWE Smackdown, WWE’s NXT’s Level Up which is the feeder for the feeder show, as well as AEW Rampage.

On Saturdays one can watch AEW Collision, plus Saturdays and Sundays on any given month offer no shortage of Pay Per Views or Premium Live Events depending on one’s branding.

But Thursday nights… Thursdays are barren of wrestling. (We don’t acknowledge NWA in this house, sorry to my friends who work there)

And that’s how I found myself watching the presidential debate.

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politics, Pop Culture

Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s Path To The White House

June 20, 2024June 20, 2024by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment

We are in a perilous time in our nation, and the upcoming November election is not going to make things any better. Between the two viable candidates, neither exactly presents hope for the next four years. What America needs right now, perhaps more than ever, is a candidate who is willing to not only disregard the partisan media, bloodythirsty lobbyists, and the greater demons of their own party and bring our country together in a spirit of compassion, compromise and unity. Neither President Biden nor former President Donald Trump come close to checking those boxes, and it’s gonna be rough living here for the considerable future.

“But Matt,” you might be saying, “you said there were only TWO viable candidates. What about this Robert Kennedy Jr. I’ve been hearing about on social media and some of my weirder friends? I’m sure you just forgot about him and now you are going to go back in real time and change your column because it’s only fair to include everyone with a realistic chance of becoming the next President of these great United States.” If this is you, I have a simple response: Shut up. You are wrong. RFK Jr. has no chance of becoming the next leader of the free world.

Well, that’s not exactly true. There is one path…

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Pop Culture, Reality TV, television

Ren Faire Is Deliriously Stupid

June 17, 2024June 16, 2024by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

They say that sometimes truth is weirder than fiction. Sometimes the truth is also dumb, brutally horny, and filled with wayyyyy too many Willie Wonka references. In the three part HBO Documentary, you get all of these things, along with a litany of other mind boggling, ostensibly true things.

The three part series follows aging pervert George, who owns the Texas Renaissance Festival. He knows exactly when he is going to die (according to him) and just wants to find love. He goes on several dates over the course of the show. Both women are 24 years old. George is 86. After the first date, the Festival owner muses that there is no point dating younger girls because they don’t read poetry and they don’t know how to bone. Then he goes on a date with another 24 year old. This, ostensibly, has nothing to do with the show. They just insisted on including it like a side quest in the show.

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Music/Movies, Pop Culture

Paddington In Peru: The Trailer Breakdown

June 16, 2024June 16, 2024by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment

Last week, we were lucky enough to get the trailer for Paddington In Peru, the third film in the PCU (Paddington Cinematic Universe). With a November 24th UK release date (January 7th for us unlucky souls in the United States), there hasn’t been a more anticipated movie ever. That is not hyperbole.

Paddington 2 is the third best sequel of all time, only behind The Godfather Part 2 and The Empire Strikes Back. As mentioned on this site, P2 usurped Citizen Kane to become the film with the highest-ever Rotten Tomatoes score of all time. With the first Paddington film, Paul King gave us an amazing and beautiful (plus very funny) story and the second film blows the first one away. To call Paddington 2 a great film would be an insult… it’s a goddamn fucking masterpiece.

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Uncategorized

Joey Chestnut Is An American Hero, DAMNIT

June 12, 2024by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Travesty is a word. It’s somehow both a perfect word for this situation while simultaneously not feeling strong enough.

A better word is WHATINTHEUNHOLYHELLARETHEYTHINKING. Yes. One word. Screamed from the top of Mt. Rushmore while riding a Buffalo as a Bruce Springsteen song echoes through the Grand Canyon.

Joey Chestnut is the greatest hot dog eater of all time. 16 team world champion. 76 Hot Dogs in 2021. During Covid! Chestnut is to hot dog eating as Michael Jordan was to basketball, Taylor Swift is to mediocre music, and Elon Musk will always be at ruining things people like. But all of that is gone.

The Major League Eating association, a clown car of an organization that is ostensibly the driving force behind being a big ol’ fat boy competitively, has decided that AMERICAN HERO JOEY CHESTNUT is not allowed to compete in the Independence Day tradition of the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Championship.

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