How often have I heard “No adults are coming”? How often have I heard adults say about adults, no adults are coming?
You’re a fucking adult! Come!
Continue reading “Adults Are Coming! – written by Jordan Holmes”
Ugh, I hate how he keeps telling us to do shit, like he’s so fucking great, like he’s so fukcing smort, like he’s the most morally righteous dude ever.
First off, let me take you through the past few elections and the past few times we’ve had this argument. I understand that my language and strident, frankly insulting tone is strident and, frankly insulting, but when you make the lesser of two evils argument, remember what your words mean.
Your words mean that if I do not do what you think is not evil, then I am evil. You are calling me evil, it does not feel like conversation when you make the lesser of two evils argument at me, it feels like extortion. It feels like that for a ton of people, a ton of people you are most likely making the lesser of two evils argument to right now. You are not helping. You are insulting these people!
Why do you think it’s ok to call me evil? Did you forget that to disagree with you, is to disagree with you morally, perhaps not practically, but everyone knows, somewhere, that there is something more important than practicality.
I’m not insulting you because I want to hurt you, I am insulting you because I am talking to you the way it feels like you have been talking to me. Do you understand why these arguments are so useless now? What conversation are we having? Are we having a practical conversation now? That sounds useful!
Jordan, what the fuck are you doing?
Continue reading “We’re Tight – written by Jordan Holmes”
Everything you are saying is wrong! Act like it! For fuck’s sakes! Are you shitting me? Are we seriously doing this?
Continue reading “Next Year – written by Jordan Holmes”
But for two inches of space! Just two inches of space between a living former president, dusting himself off and throwing his fist up in the air, and a dead child rapist. Two inches of space between what… and… what? What would’ve happened?
Continue reading “Two Inches – written by Jordan Holmes”
You can’t swear, so you already lost. You can’t fight back. You can’t fight back against a weapon that you neither have nor understand. You can’t argue with me, because I’m made of weird, wordy weapons.
What do you have to say that doesn’t deserve the word “fuck” in 2024? So why can’t you say it?
Continue reading “Your Words Are Weak – written by Jordan Holmes”
If I do not support you, if I do not agree with you, if I do not vote for Biden, then I am responsible for Trump being elected, correct? And if I am responsible for Trump being elected, I am responsible for his actions, correct? If I am the one to be responsible for his actions if he is elected, what happens if I vote for Biden and he is elected? Am I responsible for the things Trump didn’t do? Or am I responsible for the things Biden did do?
If you are arguing that for me to fight you tooth and nail, with absolutely no regard for whether I win or lose, because there’s no other option, is to take responsibility for Trump, then for you to fight me, makes you responsible for Biden.
Here we are. Last election cycle I voted for Biden. Now I am responsible for the Palestinian genocide.
Continue reading “What Are You? – written by Jordan Holmes”
Ice cream packed with candy bars is an age old tradition. Like baseball. Or Kendrick Lamar ending beefs heroically. And much like Kendrick dropping “Not Like Us” on the Fourth of July, another great American experience has dropped around Independence Day.
I can’t help myself. As a fat, some things just tend to jump out at me. So when I saw the press release for the new frozen concoction from McDonalds, I was immediately intrigued. Dropped on 7/10, the Kit Kat Banana Split McFlurry is a mad libs experiment in things that McDonalds has decided they can get away with dumping into ice cream and having people enjoy. Did I enjoy it? Let’s find out.
Continue reading “So You Don’t Have To: The McDonalds Kit Kat Banana Split McFlurry”
I am out to hurt your feelings! I am out here intending to cause you pain! I want you to feel personally attacked by what I am saying because I am also under attack.
I am under attack by a deluge of voices telling me where we are in relation to 1930s Germany and then saying, “Uh oh”. UH OH!? Motherfuckers Uh Oh? What in God’s fucking name are we doing here?
Continue reading “Built The Burn Thee Silver Mt. Zion – written by Jordan Holmes”
Over the last week, I watched the new season of The Bear (F/X and Hulu) with hesitation. Like most of the world, I have loved the first two seasons, set in a Chicago restaurant. But there seemed to be a growing cloud over this new season, which was decided to release in one installment perfect for mass consumption. People were not happy with the storylines that were given and how the season was told. Look, every show, no matter how good, has a season that is not up to the usual standard of excellence (looking at you, season 4 of Fargo). So I went in expecting to not have the reaction I had with the earlier offerings. Turns out, I had nothing to be worried about.
Season 3 of The Bear fucking rules, you guys.
Continue reading “The Angel, The Devil, and The Bear: examining the new season of the most talked-about show where everyone calls each other “Chef””
I don’t particularly care what your morality is based on. It doesn’t matter, really, what system you base your morality on. What matters is who’s in charge.
Who is running your belief system right now?
Continue reading “Go Kill Putin – written by Jordan Holmes”
Fancy Boys Club 