Friday Five: Valentines Day Edition

Friday Five: Valentines Day Edition

Welcome to the Friday Five, the brain child of Fancy Boys Club creator Brandon Andreasen. Each week, we will give four questions and a top five list for all the Fancy Boys contributors to tell stories and give horrible top five lists for.

With Valentine’s Day today, we thought we would ask the crew about all things love. Let’s get romantic!

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My Grandpa, The Hero

My Grandpa, The Hero

On this day 65 years ago, Time Magazine, one of the biggest magazines in the country at the time, released their latest issue. Carl Jung, the noted Swiss Psychiatrist, was on the cover. Deep inside the issue is a small article titled “Aviation: For Distinguished Flying.” It was about a United Airlines flight from the month prior that had mechanical issues and crashed into a cornfield in Iowa. Every person from the crash managed to walk away without injury. The pilot of that flight was my grandfather.

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Stop Following Brands on Social Media

Stop Following Brands on Social Media

Did you hear that Mr. Peanut died yesterday? Did you see it in their official tweet (starring Wesley Snipes!) or in one of the many other branded tweets about it?

Ever since the Superdome lost power during Super Bowl XLVII and Oreo tweeted some dumb joke about dunking cookies in the dark that got a shit load of retweets, every brand has been falling over themselves to prove how fucking funny they are.

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Friday Five: January 17th Edition

Friday Five: January 17th Edition

Welcome to the Friday Five, the brain child of Fancy Boys Club creator Brandon Andreasen. Each week, we will give four questions and a top five list for all the Fancy Boys contributors to tell stories and give horrible top five lists for.

This week, with the Oscar nominations having been released, we thought we would ask our writers questions about their favorite movies and movie-related activities. Feel free to make your own lists in the comments. Let’s get to it!

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The Angry Old White Man’s Guide to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2020

Hey Fuckers! It’s me, an angry white guy. I like to let the world know at all times what i’m mad about. I’m the reason you hate going on Facebook. My 18 Twitter followers know at all times what i’m pissed off about. The world is changing and i’m not emotionally equipped to handle it! You know what was great? 1988. It should stay 1988 forever. Man, 1988 rocked.

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EYE ON PLAINFIELD: IM PRETTY SURE THATS A FOX IM LOOKING AT

EYE ON PLAINFIELD: IM PRETTY SURE THATS A FOX IM LOOKING AT

I’m not quite sure, but I’m pretty sure that’s a fox I’m looking at. I was unaware we had them around here, but I’ll be honest I’m not really paying attention to nature all that much. It looks kinda small for a dog, but kinda big for a cat, but when I first saw it I swear there was a collar or something around its neck.

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Lillie’s Q Brings Down Southern Fare Like a Confederate Monument

Lillie’s Q Brings Down Southern Fare Like a Confederate Monument

Lillie’s Q is a sore. A nuisance. A poem that rhymes “cigarette” with “regret.” It’s a friend that invites you to a party you don’t know anyone but never shows up, so you spend the whole time in the corner, playing with the settings on your phone, pretending to text. Most of all, it is a restaurant in Chicago – the existence of which disparages the entire history of barbecue. 

As we all know, the first mention of ribs in recorded history comes from the book of Genesis, when God removed one of Adam’s ribs to create Eve and stop Adam from posting on incel web forums. Since then, ribs have been used in everything from Marilyn Manson’s felatic self-adventures to “her pleasure” condoms, but they have most prominently marked their territory as a staple of Southern cuisine. 

If ribs found their start in Eden, Lillie’s Q has burnt them over the fire and brimstone of Sodom. Continue reading “Lillie’s Q Brings Down Southern Fare Like a Confederate Monument”

My Worst Bomb: A Story of Whiskey and Old Spice

My Worst Bomb: A Story of Whiskey and Old Spice

“Okay.”

That’s what I should have said. 

I didn’t, though.

The French have a saying: “Pourquoi avez-vous pris la peine de traduire cela?” I have no idea what that means, but they have another saying, “Esprit de l’escalier.” which translates to “Spirit of the stairway.” It’s the feeling of finding the perfect, witty remark but only after the opportunity has passed.

For a hypothetical example, say It was around noon on a wet and chilly day in 2012. Sometime after Call Me Maybe topped the charts and sometime before the world ended. Early March, perhaps. You were trying to impress a cute girl in your speech class with a string of pithy words, but under the pressure you crack, instead firing off some dumb remark. Later, as you walked down the stairs, it hits you. You come up with the perfect combination of vowels and consonants. Alas, the moment is now gone. 

That’s the spirit of the stairway.

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Dust on the Road: Sesame Street at 50

Let’s call this take on Sesame Street ‘sad comedic nostalgia’. Sesame Street, for those unaware, turns 50 this week. I, and so many others, grew up on Sesame Street and are hovering near the age of the show, so this milestone takes me back. I’ll first take a look at how Sesame Street shaped me and others, then follow it up with how its original characters will do in their retirement years.

There’s a certain melancholy sense one can have when thinking back at their childhood and how Sesame Street helped mold it as if one’s childhood were soft clay. In truth, it is. Every moment of one’s upbringing puts a mark on your childhood, like your mother or father slapping pencil marks on a door jamb to monitor your physical growth.

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EYE ON PLAINFIELD: DOLLAR STORE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

EYE ON PLAINFIELD: DOLLAR STORE UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

Bells rang out. Children sang in the streets. The Dollar Tree in Plainfield, Indiana, had been reborn. Along the commercial strip anchored by a Kohl’s department store, the business of inexpensive goods had begun to lag behind its competitors- the Dollar General near Domino’s Pizza and of course Five Below, barely a few doors down. What became of Tuesday’s re-opening was the spark that will light a fire in the Midwestern economy. Naturally, my first instinct was to go to the scene and be there, in this glorious re-genesis of industry.

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