Hey Fuckers! It’s me, an angry white guy. I like to let the world know at all times what i’m mad about. I’m the reason you hate going on Facebook. My 18 Twitter followers know at all times what i’m pissed off about. The world is changing and i’m not emotionally equipped to handle it! You know what was great? 1988. It should stay 1988 forever. Man, 1988 rocked.
Continue reading “The Angry Old White Man’s Guide to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2020”Author: Brandon Andreasen
Football Gambling Writer. Comedy Writer
Twitter: @awfulmusicfacts
fancyboysclub.com
footballabsurdity.com
A Royal Mess
If you live a life of ignorance that can only be described as blissful, you might have missed the announcement. If you, like myself and millions of others who, like two trees growing into eachother over time cause the trees to become one, have your phone semi-permanently attached to your hand so that you can be hyper aware of the latest things happening in pop culture, have surely heard the news last week that Prince Harry and his wife Megan Markle have decided to split away from the Royal Family of England to create a life for themselves.
Continue reading “A Royal Mess”The Astros Fought the Law and the Law Won
Baseball was the last pure game. Unchanged by time. Still played by nine men under the summer sun, fans in the stands, burying their real lives in sport and beer. Children played the game on the streets until the street lights illumination dictated the universal calling card to come home for dinner. Yea, this is a long ago ideal that has had its nostalgia sugar coated to a diabetes induced level. The fact is, baseball has always harbored cheating for the sake of victory above all else. Ty Cobb, one of the greatest players ever, sharpened his spikes so he could injure opposing players who made the mistake of being near him when he slid. Hank Aaron and Willie Mays admitted to using “greenies” for energy. “Greenies” were actually a version of methamphetamine. Steroids became chic in the late 90’s revival of the game.
Continue reading “The Astros Fought the Law and the Law Won”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 16
This is it everyone! It’s the best time of the year. We have three games on Saturday to act as extra incentive to not have to pay attention to your family during the holidays! What did we do without football? Talk? Love? I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. Let’s play the feud!
1: Baltimore Ravens
On Thursday night, the Ravens didn’t go out to beat the Jets. They went out to embarrass the Jets, and succeeded. They were far off in the distance when Lamar Jackson finally exited the game, having cemented his MVP resume for the season. Whoever represents the AFC in the Super Bowl has to go through Baltimore to get there.
Continue reading “FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 16”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 15
This is it guys! Three weeks left in the regular season and the NFC is a bigger mess than it has been in years! If the NFC is a heavyweight boxing match, then the AFC is a seven year old’s tickle fight. And the NFC East is a Bermudas Triangle of incompetent football. Let’s get to this week’s rankings!
1: Baltimore Ravens
This was the hardest any team punched Lamar Jackson in the face, as the Bills defense through hell at the Ravens’ quarterback all day. And Jackson walked away with a TKO victory. Baltimore has the one seed in the AFC in his grasp, and the division will be theirs as soon as next week.
Continue reading “FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 15”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 14
You all fat from Thanksgiving? Me too! Let’s do the Power Rankings!
1: Baltimore Ravens
This team can beat you in so many ways. Oh, you think you have the passing game stopped? Lamar Jackson will run for 100 yards. You have the running game stopped? Don’t worry, the defense will win a field position battle? Oh, the game is on the line? Justin Tucker dropping the hammer. It’s hard to argue with the fact that this team appears to be the favorite for the Super Bowl.
Continue reading “FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 14”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 13
Oh man, it’s almost Thanksgiving. Good food and terrible football on the television. Can’t beat that combination! In honor of the holiday, here are the NFL things i’m thankful for this year:
Lamar Jackson, proving all us white people wrong
The NFC East being full of nothing but bum teams, the way it should be
Knowing Kirk Cousins is going to do something to ruin the Vikings this year
Adam Gase pulling his “football Devin Nunes” routine for another season
Three awful games on Thanksgiving that still have insane amounts of fantasy purpose in everyone’s final week before the fantasy playoffs
The Bengals quarterback situation. Shine on you crazy diamonds!
1: Baltimore Ravens
Lamar Jackson is the new god we live under. When John Lennon wrote the song Imagine, he couldn’t have imagined Jackson throwing five touchdowns on 15 pass attempts.
Continue reading “FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 13”You Got A Lot of Cranium Accessories…Comedy Central at 30
Everyone has a jumping off point. It could have been Dr. Katz. Maybe it was a rerun of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Perhaps it was the Mitch Hedberg or Lewis Black comedy specials. Hell, for people of a certain age, their first experience was South Park and Crank Yankers. No matter how you discovered it, Comedy Central has acted as a comedy gateway for multiple generations of people.
Last week, Comedy Central celebrated it’s 30th birthday. Seen today as a cable stalwart, it’s beginnings were much more humble, but no less important. Started as the Comedy Channel, an HBO vertical dedicated exclusively to comedy, it would air comedy programming exclusively, with it’s programming backbone being HBO comedy specials, which were, at the time, considered to be the highest honor bestowed upon a comic. At various points during it’s early days, it gave television spots to Jon Stewart and Marc Maron, and played host to off kilter and niche sketch comedy and standup.
Continue reading “You Got A Lot of Cranium Accessories…Comedy Central at 30”Brandon’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays: Colin Kaepernick
Welcome to the holidays! Is there anything better than spending time with friends and family, good food, good times, and the inevitable specter of someone coming in to ruin everything with their piping hot political takes that come in dryer than your dad’s turkey? Every year, Fancy Boys Club co-founder Brandon Andreasen is here to guide you through the holidays in a way that will hopefully allow you to survive with your brain intact, if not quite your sanity. All though Christmas season, Brandon will talk you through topics to survive the minefield that is getting all of your family together at once.
Timing is a funny thing. It can be a great sense of serendipity, or it can be the harbinger for your uncle to explain why people are supposed to stand for the National Anthem. For those who are blissfully disconnected from social media, Colin Kaepernick is in the news again, which is sure to agitate the most flag humping of your friends and family members.
Continue reading “Brandon’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays: Colin Kaepernick”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 12
As snow covers the ground and the summer becomes a distant memory, so to does the dreams of most football fans. As teams have now completed their tenth games of the season, we stare down the barrel of reality that around five teams can win the Super Bowl this year. Everyone assumed the Patriots and Rams would be there. The Ravens were a playoff team last year and made the logical leap into the elite this season. The Packers and 49ers, on the other hand, were both coming off terrible seasons before making the jump into contention this year.
And the other teams expected to compete this year? The Rams have quarterback issues. The Eagles have quarterback issues. The Bears have a quarterback black hole that could devour us all. Meanwhile the Bills, in spite of being objectively bad, are going to tap dance into the playoffs. Someone is bound to win the AFC South to earn the right to somehow lose to the Bills in the first round of the playoffs.
Football is stupid. Like, the guy jumping through the cake in the November Rain video stupid. Anyway, here are this week’s power rankings.
Fancy Boys Club 