When news broke this week that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was going to be buying the XFL, I got excited. Not because I like, or even care, about that ridiculous league. Our site has spent way too much time and way too much talent talking about the second coming of the WWE’s failed attempt to break into the football business. No, my friends. I’m all on pins and needles because we finally get a chance to talk about Dwayne Johnson, the actor.
There is no doubt that The Rock is the most successful actor to come from wrestling and you could make the case that he has had the most successful post-wrestling career of all time. Sure, Jesse Ventura became governor, but that’s Minnesota, where there are more lakes than people. Johnson could become president. Hell, The Rock could be a pope if he wanted to.
Ciao. Ta ta. Sayonara. Is it sad? Can’t say I was totally invested in it, but there were some things that certainly spent time idling about hoping against all hope the XFL would return and flourish. As such, while I broke open the grill for another fabulous outdoor season of sizzling meat by tending to a rack of baby backs, I decided to conduct an interview with one who had been in the trenches since not only this re-issue of the XFL, but has been there since the first XFL experiment.
With all the hubbub, hullabaloo or both if you prefer (after all it is your life), I completely neglected to scribble out something for the Roughneck Report, Take 5.
I mean what was I thinking about? What else could possibly be going on to thwart me from my duties as the Roughnecks numero uno fan of the fan base probably only known by me as the Rowdies?
I could have been thinking that maybe… possibly… along the lines of our esteemed federal government this whole ‘virus thing’ would blow over, cross our collective paths like an errant tumbleweed across the great American desert.
Well my friends, that was not it. Those of us who are relatively sane knew how the Administration of the Bloated Circus Peanut would stumble around like a bantamweight after a Henry Cejudo haymaker and for certain fuck this whole mess up.
Oh well, back to the report. Okay. The Roughnecks have finished the aborted season undefeated and for certain are the de facto champions for the 2020 XFL season which may possibly be the only XFL season.
Hand them the fucking trophy Vince McMahon, which I think is just his head in a fabulous bronze patina.
Congrats Roughnecks. Now you can afford to go out and find a logo that doesn’t rip-off the old Houston Oilers.
No ending cheer. Season’s over.
PS Seriously be safe out there and do not trust in the Federal Government to give two shits about you and your family, not with the bleating yam in charge.
PPS Weezer really got me pumped to whip this little old report right quickly. Thanks!
Okay Roughneck Rowdies (not sure of you are aware as an avid Roughneck fan you are a Rowdy, but – according to me – you are) our team’s ride into Tampa proved to be a rough one. I suspect it was all due to repeated visits to Taco Bus, but somehow they came out on top 34-27.
Yes they are still undefeated, but there are issues. The Roughneck D allowed the Vipers O to score 27 points – over twice as much as they scored in total the first two games. Allowing Marc Trestman’s shaky offense to put up points plus fang them for nearly 400 yards is a bad omen for week 4, Rowdies. The game was a back and forth affair. We had the ball, they had the ball, we had the ball again, and so forth. They scored, we scored, blah blah blah. As for Roughneck RB Nick Holley, he rushed 1 time for 1 yard, caught 2 passes for 7 yards, and made it through without breaking his back. NICK – YOU BROKE YOUR BACK – STOP PLAYING FOOTBALL! GEEZ!
Well football fans, or XFL fans as this game certainly has the feel of football but is throwing my sports clock off by having football this time of year, it looks as if the Houston Roughnecks are for real. Two wins, zero losses have them tied atop the league with evil DC Defenders.
Now the Oilers – again look at the logo, that’s no Roughneck to me that’s an oil derrick and that means Oilers – have to go on the road for the next two games. Their road record so far, standing at 0 wins and 0 losses, simply means their inexperience on the road may hurt them.
Before we get into taking a look at what happened Saturday for game 1, let’s just have an introduction – call it a post-first game introduction – to these Houston Roughnecks. Starting with the logo – a logo looking suspiciously like the old Houston Oilers logo so my assumption is the same “designer” who created this also created Trump’s Space Force logo… or is that Space Farce, I forget. Let’s start with…
By most accounts, the XFL had a successful opening weekend. Ratings were decent, the football itself was better than expected, and the league has drawn more early buzz than last year’s failed league, the AAF. The XFL announced that they had sold more season tickets in the week lead up to the season than the AAF sold in the entirety of its existence. High end sports personalities on Twitter such as Mina Kimes and Robert Mays were actively talking about it all weekend.
There were a lot of fun things also involved. They had the coaches mic’ed up and occasionally let us viewers listen in on plays they were calling before they happened. The league also let viewers into the replay room and mic’ed up both the referee and the replay official, giving viewers an amazing amount of access into the thought process that goes into a potential play review. I could go on all day about the different rules that have made the game more fast paced, and before the week is over, I probably will.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year: the XFL draft. Unlike the NFL Draft where people watch for some reason, the XFL draft happened mostly on Twitter and maybe a conference call.
The Draft was broken down into separate groups for: Offensive Skill Players, Offensive Lineman, Defensive Front Seven, Defensive Backs, and Dealer’s Choice. Teams were assigned QBs by the league, which spared us from having to watch teams hope that noted NFL washouts like Aaron Murray and Matt McGloin would fall to them.
Who will join the illustrious ranks of past XFL greats like Tommy Maddox, He Hate Me and …? Let’s find out! Our resident XFL Experts Jack Baker and Brandon Andreasen have the hottest XFL draft instant reactions and analysis.