NHL at 50% Report

Hello hockey fans! We’re now sitting – more for some teams, less for others – at the halfway point of the season as the Avalanche, my yard marker team, has just played their 41st game. They beat the pants off the Western Conference-leading St. Louis Blues, BTW. A 7-3 iceberg crasher.

I’ll try to build upon the Tirty Tree and a Tird Percentage report and see where how our playoff teams would be set up if we were to end the season right now.

Eastern Conference

OK, let’s toss a wrench in this. Before we actually look at current playoff teams, let’s cut out the ones that – unless there’s a huge ice floe having never occurred before in this league – have no chance of making the playoffs. Buh-bye any teams under 40 points for the season: Ottawa, New Jersey and the team that, if there were such a thing as being bumped into a lesser league ought to be – the Detroit Red Wings. Good Lord of the two-line pass they are awful. Normally a team stands a chance of making the playoffs if they can get to 90 points. At the 50% mark, the Dead Wings are at 23 points. Historically awful.

On to the playoff-making teams. Last time we checked in, the Eastern Conference playoff teams at the third mark stood at: Washington Capitals, Boston Bruins, New York Islanders, Philadelphia Flyers, Pittsburgh Penguins, Carolina Hurricanes, Florida Panthers and the Buffalo Sabres.

Well, hockey fans, let me tell you, at the halfway point the Easter Conference leaders are:

Continue reading “NHL at 50% Report” →

Lillie’s Q Brings Down Southern Fare Like a Confederate Monument

Lillie’s Q Brings Down Southern Fare Like a Confederate Monument

Lillie’s Q is a sore. A nuisance. A poem that rhymes “cigarette” with “regret.” It’s a friend that invites you to a party you don’t know anyone but never shows up, so you spend the whole time in the corner, playing with the settings on your phone, pretending to text. Most of all, it is a restaurant in Chicago – the existence of which disparages the entire history of barbecue. 

As we all know, the first mention of ribs in recorded history comes from the book of Genesis, when God removed one of Adam’s ribs to create Eve and stop Adam from posting on incel web forums. Since then, ribs have been used in everything from Marilyn Manson’s felatic self-adventures to “her pleasure” condoms, but they have most prominently marked their territory as a staple of Southern cuisine. 

If ribs found their start in Eden, Lillie’s Q has burnt them over the fire and brimstone of Sodom. Continue reading “Lillie’s Q Brings Down Southern Fare Like a Confederate Monument” →

1969, Amazing Music, and Satan: The Best Films Of 2019

1969, Amazing Music, and Satan: The Best Films Of 2019

(AUTHOR/EDITOR NOTE: This is my personal list of my favorite movies in 2019. Expect an official FBC list in January.)

2019 was a great year in film. But also a weird year. For starters, it’s weird how great this year was.

Let me explain.

This year saw a lot of amazing films made by a lot of amazing filmmakers. Some of the best directors making movies today came to the plate swinging hard. Hell, Martin Scorcese made two films this year, both for Netflix. But none of them made their best film, and it seems like because of this, this year would seem like the ultimate runner-up in movie years.

And yet, this isn’t the case. In fact, this may be the best year of film in the 2010’s. It was filled with rich stories and amazing characters and bold filmmakers willing to take chances to sometimes ask the hard questions and sometimes just take us to places we wish we could be.

I saw 70 films this year, but by no means is this list complete. I still need to catch up with Uncut Gems and Ad Astra and The Lighthouse and a bunch of other films which I have been assured that I would love by people whom I respect. I hope to catch up with them before the official FBC list is made. However, at some point, you just have to stop watching movies and your list is your list.

So, with that being said, here’s mine.

Continue reading “1969, Amazing Music, and Satan: The Best Films Of 2019” →

FANCY BOYS FOOTBALL MAILBAG: WEEK 17

FANCY BOYS FOOTBALL MAILBAG: WEEK 17

Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.

Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.

Continue reading “FANCY BOYS FOOTBALL MAILBAG: WEEK 17” →

You All Need To Get On The NBA Twitter Feed Right Damn Now!!!

I am not normally one to freak out and post Buzzfeed-esque articles. If you like my writing, it means you like excessive prose. After all, why use 200 words when you can use 2,500, many of which incorrectly?

But the NBA twitter account is on fucking fire right now, and I needed you to know that right now.

Continue reading “You All Need To Get On The NBA Twitter Feed Right Damn Now!!!” →

Baddest Athletes of All Time Draft: Rounds 5 & 6

Baddest Athletes of All Time Draft: Rounds 5 & 6

As kids, we were all taught about the importance of good sportsmanship. Some kids listened and took those lessons to heart, others just didn’t give a fuck.

Today, we remember those athletes.

The biggest hitters. The best on-field fighters. The players who pushed the boundaries so far it forced their league to change the rules. The players who just ignored the boundaries entirely. The dudes you simply wouldn’t want to fuck with.

In making our list, we only had one rule: we weren’t going to include any athletes where fighting is a primary function of the sport. No boxers, MMA fighters, or wrestlers.

Here’s Rounds 5 & 6 of the official Fancy Boys Club draft of the meanest, dirtiest, toughest son of bitches to every play sports. Rounds 1 & 2. Rounds 3 & 4.

Continue reading “Baddest Athletes of All Time Draft: Rounds 5 & 6” →

Celebrating The Holidays #withmydick

Every Christmas Eve, I do something that delights my friends and annoys my wife. But it’s a tradition, and traditions are important as the holidays roll around.

Starting from the moment I wake up, I will be part of a group attempting to get #withmydick trending on Twitter. And I’m doing so because eight years ago, this silly hashtag saved my Christmas.

Continue reading “Celebrating The Holidays #withmydick” →

FANCY BOYS FOOTBALL MAILBAG: WEEK 16

FANCY BOYS FOOTBALL MAILBAG: WEEK 16

Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.

Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.

Continue reading “FANCY BOYS FOOTBALL MAILBAG: WEEK 16” →

Baddest Athletes of All Time Draft: Rounds 3 & 4

Baddest Athletes of All Time Draft: Rounds 3 & 4

As kids, we were all taught about the importance of good sportsmanship. Some kids listened and took those lessons to heart, others just didn’t give a fuck.

Today, we remember those athletes.

The biggest hitters. The best on-field fighters. The players who pushed the boundaries so far it forced their league to change the rules. The players who just ignored the boundaries entirely. The dudes you simply wouldn’t want to fuck with.

Here’s Rounds 3 & 4 of the official Fancy Boys Club draft of the meanest, dirtiest, toughest son of bitches to every play sports. (For Rounds 1 & 2, which came out last week, click here.)

Continue reading “Baddest Athletes of All Time Draft: Rounds 3 & 4” →