This November, we’re facing an election that has serious consequences. Some of the more extreme ding dongs are calling it the most important election in America’s history, and I’m tempted to agree with them but only with a caveat.
Continue reading “You Need To Vote, You Stupid Idiots”NFL WINNERS & LOSERS WEEK 2
Week 2 of the NFL season is now over. The only thing hotter than Matt Patricia’s hot seat is ESPN’s burning desire for the Cowboys after the Falcons proved that there’s no such thing as a once in a generation comeback loss. Russell Wilson looks like the early MVP frontrunner and everyone else got hurt. What a fun week! Let’s break down the winners and losers from week 2 of the NFL season.
Continue reading “NFL WINNERS & LOSERS WEEK 2”Fancy Boys Football: Week 2 Mailbag
Week 2 of the NFL season is in the books. Matt Drufke has questions. Fancy Boys Football experts Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker have answers. Let’s mailbag.
Continue reading “Fancy Boys Football: Week 2 Mailbag”Fancy Boys Club NFL Power Rankings Week 3
There was a time back before the internet, Sportscenter, Gene Michael’s Sports Machine, and other cable networks that the only way to catch your favorite sports highlights from around the world was to watch ABC’s Wide World of Sports. Starting in 1961, the show spent 37 years bringing highlights from the biggest baseball, football, basketball and hockey games. It was also the show that helped make Evel Knievel famous. He defied death numerous times while the show’s cameras were watching, and became insanely famous because of it. Along with great moments of sports achievements, they also showed epic fails. Race cars and skiers crashing. Runners stumbling over hurdles in big moments. It was a little bit of everything. It was famously known for it’s introduction at the beginning of every show, which said “The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat.”
This weekend, I experienced the gambling agony of defeat. Over. And. Over.
Continue reading “Fancy Boys Club NFL Power Rankings Week 3”The Next 50 Stars: My Plan To Get America To 100 States
One of the most ridiculous stories to come from President Trump’s first term was when he tried to purchase Greenland, presumably to make it another state (or, at the very least, another U.S. territory). It was met with general scoffing and mockery from both political sides (save for the Donald’s most ardent bootlickers) and seen by many as a petulant child getting upset that he couldn’t buy anything he wanted. I remember finding the idea ridiculous back in 2019. But now, I’m not so sure.
Now, I kind of think it’s fucking dope.
But why stop there?
Continue reading “The Next 50 Stars: My Plan To Get America To 100 States”Ruth Bader Ginsburg (1933-2020)
Fuck.
Fucking fuck goddamn it fucking fuck it all to goddamn fucking hell.
We don’t know.
We’re just really sad.
The Night A Libertyville Gravedigger Played Just For Me
19 years ago this month, I witnessed the best concert I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a bunch. I’ve seen They Might Be Giants (my favorite group of all time) play over 30 times in a variety of venues. I’ve seen Elvis Costello sing to a full Chicago Opera House without the use of a microphone. I’ve seen a Beatle play. I’ve seen an artist make over a dozen costume changes during a show, and that artist was “Weird Al” Yankovic and he was awesome.
I’ve seen all kinds of groups and at every kind of venue. But, we show then I think of all of the concerts in all of the rooms I’ve seen in my life, there is only one that is in the running for the best show I’ve ever seen. And it was a night, nineteen years ago this month, when I was reminded of the blistering power of live rock and roll.
I’m not the best writer, and it’s possible that I’m not even a very good writer. However, as you’ll soon come to see, I’m, literally, one of maybe four people who is both qualified and able to write this story. So, knowing what responsibility is on my shoulders, let me tell you a tale…
Continue reading “The Night A Libertyville Gravedigger Played Just For Me”We’ve Never Needed The NBA More
There’s a truth about sports that is hard to understand, but I barely completed what people would call “some college”, so I figure I’ll take a shot at it.
When it comes to all sports, games do not matter. Not really.
Continue reading “We’ve Never Needed The NBA More”An American Comedy: Farewell to the LA Clippers
The LA basketball team was eliminated today. They took a 3-1 lead on the Denver Nuggets, only to crumble and make it 50 years without a conference finals appearance. We quench their flame with a poem.
Continue reading “An American Comedy: Farewell to the LA Clippers”NFL Winners & Losers Week 1
Week 1 of the NFL season is in the books and what a week it was. Aaron Rodgers is pissed at his team and probably going to win an MVP this year as a result. The Browns are Brownsing once again, the Lions have already proven that everyone who predicted them to be a surprise team in the NFC is an idiot who should be fired, and the NFC East is being led by a team without a name. Let’s break down the winners and losers from week 1 of the NFL season.
Winners
Kansas City Chiefs
Buffalo Bills
New England Patriots
Baltimore Ravens
Jacksonville Jaguars
Washington Misogynists
Chicago Bears
Green Bay Packers
Seattle Seahawks
Las Vegas Raiders
Los Angeles Chargers
Arizona Cardinals
New Orleans Saints
Los Angeles Rams
Pittsburgh Steelers
Tennessee Titans
Losers
Houston Texans
New York Jets
Miami Dolphins
Cleveland Browns
Indianapolis Colts
Philadelphia Eagles
Detroit Lions
Minnesota Vikings
Atlanta Falcons
Carolina Panthers
Cincinnati Bengals
San Francisco 49ers
Tampa Brady Buccaneers
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Denver Broncos
