Installing A Garage Door, Evaluating My Manhood…

Installing A Garage Door, Evaluating My Manhood…

A while ago, I went ahead and purchased a garage door opener. It found a good deal for a well-reviewed opener. According to the manual and everything I read, it should take about two hours to install this bad boy. Two weeks after opening the box, I was still working on it. And, in doing so, this task led me to face all of my old anxieties and fears and forced me to look in the mirror and question my masculinity.

This is one of those rabbit holes that is impossible for me to stop falling down once even a miniscule amount of momentum has begun. I hate that I let this happen and I hate what it says about me.

More importantly, however, I fucking hate this goddamned garage door opener.

Continue reading “Installing A Garage Door, Evaluating My Manhood…”

Give Me Power

Give Me Power

There is no good reason to vote for Biden. I’ve read the arguments, and I’ve been trying to find one that exists within a moral framework, but it doesn’t exist. Biden is a shitbag ’90s Republican and Republicans are, at best, amoral.

There is reason to vote for Biden; he is not Trump. The end. “Biden is not Trump” is not a good reason to vote for someone, it is just a reason. Stop trying to convince me there is anything behind a vote for Biden aside from that. He has no policy positions that I can support, because he has no policies at all. Feel free to argue that he does — he has a website with some on it — but for fuck’s sake, he has a history, we know what that is, and it’s shit. Should he become President, he will continue to be shit. He’s as corrupt as everyone else, he’s a patriarchal moron, and he will absolutely cave to the Republicans at every opportunity. If you can’t see that, you haven’t been paying attention.

Continue reading “Give Me Power”

Support Your Local Podcasters!

Support Your Local Podcasters!

With some states continuing their COVID-19 containment protocols into this month (as Illinois is), people are having more and more free time. Puzzles are getting completed at an alarming rate. Books which were meant to be read are being picked up… to return to the shelf because it’s in the way of the television remote. Series are being streamed.

And yes, it appears to be the perfect time to check out some new podcasts, baby!

Here are some of my favorite podcasts that you might want to check out. To make it even more appealing, these are podcasts created by some of my favorite comedians and content creators in the Chicago (and suburban) comedy scene. Let’s get podcasting!


Continue reading “Support Your Local Podcasters!”

How I Got Thrown Out Of The Illinoisans Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Continuing Saga, I Guess?

How I Got Thrown Out Of The Illinoisans Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Continuing Saga, I Guess?

You guys, I swear… I was trying to be nice.

I went into this weekend with a heart full of love and acceptance and a mind prepared to discuss differing opinions and determined to see the other side of the situation. I was going to be a different person; a unifier, a leader in difficult times.

That lasted most of a morning.

Continue reading “How I Got Thrown Out Of The Illinoisans Against Excessive Quarantine Facebook Group: A Continuing Saga, I Guess?”

Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition

Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition

Here at Fancy Boys Club, we love our writers, and we hope you do to. They work very hard to put out amazing and fun content for us and we think they’re really special.

But you should also be following them on twitter.

Here are some fun tweets from some of our writers over the last few days:

Continue reading “Some Tweets From Our Writers: April 16th edition”

The Definition Of Power

The Definition Of Power

What is power? What does it entail?

Is it money? Anyone can have money. Lottery winners aren’t powerful; they’re lucky.

Is it influence? Hardly. No one really knows what that is or how to get it.

To me, power is like pornography: you know it when you see it.

And no one had more power at any given time that Jay-Z did in 2006.

Continue reading “The Definition Of Power”

Power Rankings: Tiger King

Power Rankings: Tiger King

At a time when one specific topic is all we can think, talk, read, or write about, one documentary came into our lives to save the day. Now, the sensation known as Tiger King has taken America by storm and definitely harmed our already bruised reputation worldwide. It is, quite possibly, the most important thing available to stream right now.

By all means, don’t read on if you have not completed the journey through the Netflix documentary. Spoilers abound. The following is my opinion and not the opinion of the Fancy Boys at large. In fact, most of the staff has no interest in watching Tiger King. Yours truly bit that bullet for you and loved every minute of it. Please, if you have any problems with my rankings, kiss my ass. I have 224 motherfucking tigers.

Continue reading “Power Rankings: Tiger King”

It’s the End of the World as We Know It, And I’m Streaming Fine Rounds 3-4

It’s the End of the World as We Know It, And I’m Streaming Fine Rounds 3-4

Things aren’t looking good right now. Coronavirus is all around. The economy will probably collapse. There’s no toilet paper available anywhere. And worst of all, we’re all stuck inside with our families.

Luckily, there’s a ton of great TV to help get us through this difficult time. If you’re looking for something to watch, Fancy Boys Club is here to help. Over the next few days, we’ll be breaking down our favorite coronavirus quarantine streaming options in the only way we know how: a draft.

Today, we’re dropping rounds 3 and 4. Rounds 1 and 2 were yesterday. Who got the best picks? Let us know in the comments.

Continue reading “It’s the End of the World as We Know It, And I’m Streaming Fine Rounds 3-4”

Fancy Boys Club Poll: Should Drunk People Vote?

Fancy Boys Club Poll: Should Drunk People Vote?

Welcome to the first installment of Fancy Boys Club Poll, where we ask the hard-hitting questions that America, nay, the world need to know the answers to. At the end of this blog, we’ll explain how to cast your vote. And we want as many of you to vote as possible because, unlike states trying to implement racist voter identification laws, we truly care about what everyone has to say.

This week’s question: Should a person who is legally drunk be allowed to vote?

Continue reading “Fancy Boys Club Poll: Should Drunk People Vote?”

Fancy Boys Club previews: March Fatness!

Fancy Boys Club previews: March Fatness!

Fast food isn’t healthy. It’s doesn’t always taste good.

Sometimes, it’s hard to believe that it could even be considered food.

And yet, there’s something about it that’s undeniable. There’s a comfort to unwrapping a cheeseburger or eating fries in the car. There’s peace in leaving a drive-thru knowing that your needs will all be met. And sometimes, you’re just hungover as balls.

Enter March Fatness.

Continue reading “Fancy Boys Club previews: March Fatness!”