The Clock is Your Friend, Soccer

I am a fan of the Premier League Football team Tottenham Hotspur. However, I am not necessarily a zealous fan of football/futbol/soccer for one particular reason – the clock. Fine, I can handle players falling like bowling pins every time they feel a breeze go by from an opposing player. I can handle them laying on the pitch for five minutes writhing in pain grabbing whatever body part they felt was injured… and then getting up and playing some more.

OK, I can barely handle that. That’s dumb. Drag them off the field and get on with it.

What vexes me as much as Wisconsin drivers using the left lane like it’s their Sunday drive is clock management… or lack of clock management. Time was created by man, so let’s use it, shall we? When a player is egregiously fouled by an opposing player by something as awful as a tap on the shoulder and falls into a fetal position onto the field as if someone took their blankie? The clock keeps ticking time off the regulation 45 minute half. Doesn’t seem fair right?

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Fancy Boys Football Week 3 NFL Mailbag

Fancy Boys Football Week 3 NFL Mailbag

Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.

Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.

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FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 3

FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 3

I hate football. Actually, thats a lie. I love football. I love having a boozy Sunday, enjoying beer while watching the games at my favorite bar. I just hate everything else about it. Like, I hate Antonio Brown. He is a slimy, creepy shithead. I hate Roger Goodell, using Bart Starr’s widow as a shield to avoid getting booed in an NFL stadium. I hate everything about both teams from the state of Florida, and there isn’t a way for the Redzone network to mute both games.

Mostly though, I hate how football makes me feel, having to balance my feelings of rooting for people who are going to have dementia and CTE by the time they are 50. Having to root for people who are notable creeps and scumbags. And mostly, I hate…you know, no. It’s none of that. I just really fucking hate the Florida teams. Lets get to the rankings!

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Fancy Boys Football Week 2 NFL Mailbag

Fancy Boys Football Week 2 NFL Mailbag

Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.

Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.

Continue reading “Fancy Boys Football Week 2 NFL Mailbag”

Fancy Boys NFL Power Rankings Week 2

Fancy Boys NFL Power Rankings Week 2

32 teams started their season this week. 31 team will continue on, while the Miami Dolphins are getting immediately relegated to the Big East conference, where they will play University of Connecticut and Syracuse, and probably lose to the University of Pittsburgh.
Some things were expected, like the Chiefs winning and Jameis Winston being terrible. Elsewhere, the Chargers and Seahawks escaped with victories, while the Jaguars lost their quarterback, the Giants unfortunately still have theirs, and the Cardinals and Lions took turns trying to prove who deserved to win less. Let’s get into it!

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Fancy Boys Week 1 NFL Mailbag

Fancy Boys Week 1 NFL Mailbag

Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.

Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.

Continue reading “Fancy Boys Week 1 NFL Mailbag”