Fancy Boys Football Week 3 NFL Mailbag

Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.

Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.

Let’s head north and talk about the Packers. This was a team that fired the head coach last year and missed the playoffs, but here they are at 3-0, and all while Aaron Rodgers is having pretty average games (17-29, 235 yds and 1 TD in a win over Denver). The Packers are in first place early in the season. What happened to turn things around so quickly?

Brandon – In short, they spent money. Green Bay is notorious for not wanting to sign free agents. It’s the Packer way to rely almost solely on homegrown talent. But an upheaval in the front office changed how the Packers viewed their own team. They went out and spent 100 million dollars to improve their defense, and that is what is winning them games.

BTW, Aaron Rodgers looks miserable and is overthrowing his targets with regularity. Something is off with the offense.

Jack – Mike McCarthy was the worst coach in the NFL last year, and now they have a better one in Matt LaFleur. Mike Pettine is a great defensive coordinator and he’s getting the most out of their young secondary and expensive offseason additions at outside linebacker. Despite Rodgers’ struggles, they’re running the ball pretty well and as the Bears proved last year, that’s more than enough to win some football games.

I don’t like being a backseat coach, but I feel like week 3 could be summed up in one question: What the hell is Freddie Kitchens doing? The Browns head coach made a series of questionable play calls in their loss to the Rams, including running a draw play on 4th and 9 and then running 4 consecutive passing plays to end the game (when the Browns started 1st and goal at the 4 with a chance to tie). Who is the Browns offensive coordinator, who’s calling plays, and how drunk is he right now?

Brandon- Todd Monken is the offensive coordinator of the Browns. His previous job was offensive coordinator of the offensive juggernaut that was the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Not only does Monken not deserve to be coaching anyone beyond a JV team in North Dakota, Freddie Kitchens is wildly unqualified to coach. He rode Baker Mayfield’s hot hand to a coaching job. People second guessed the move then, and it is still being second guessed. Kitchens may come storming into the “first coach fired” lead if things don’t turn around.

Jack – Hey Brandon, remember when you picked Baker Mayfield for MVP? That was funny. Also, the Buccaneers were pretty good on offense last year so Monken knows what he’s doing. Freddy Kitchens on the other hand isn’t capable of both being a head coach and calling plays. He should turn play calling duties over to Monken immediately, and then turn over head coaching duties to his defensive coordinator before demoting himself back down to running backs coach.

Daniel Jones had himself a game on Sunday. The rookie QB threw for 336 yards and 2 TDs, was the Giants’ leading rusher (he also ran for 2 scores), and helped bring his team back from an 18-point halftime deficit to win the game… all in his debut. Is the Duke QB for real and what television shows do you recommend Eli Manning start binge-watching in his free time?

Brandon-If Eli had read our Friday Five last week, he would know that Mandalorian is going to be the show of the fall. As for Jones, im trying not to read too much into this because the Bucs are a garbage fire at a waste treatment plant. Once he got up to speed he looked solid, and was better on the run than I expected. 

That said, it was against the Bucs and they only won because the Bucs kicker botched a game winning field goal as time expired.

Jack – Fuck Daniel Jones and fuck the NFC East as a whole. If you want to hear more about that garbage fire of a division, listen to any ESPN show for no more than two minutes.

Let’s turn to the AFC. Sure, the Patriots won again, but they’re not the only undefeated team in the conference. The Chiefs continued to be hot with a nice win over an exciting Ravens team. And watch out, because here come the Bills! Their win over Cincy ties them with New England in the AFC East. Do either of these teams have a chance to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl? And is there another team we should be looking out for?

Brandon – I said it before the season and I’m standing by the statement: The Patriots vs. the Chiefs in the AFC Championship should be the real Super Bowl. It’s the match up football fans deserve. If the Bills play .500 football the rest of the way, they are a playoff team. That alone will make the Bills year a roaring success.

Jack – The Chiefs were a Dee Ford offsides penalty from playing in the Super Bowl last year, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say they have a very good chance of beating the Patriots this year. The Ravens are really good and would look even better with Jalen Ramsey shutting down one half of the field. Lamar Jackson is tough to game plan against, and the Patriots defense has struggled against running QBs. I think the pecking order in the AFC goes Patriots, Chiefs, Ravens and then three giant steps down before you get to anyone else. Also, how disappointing have the Chargers been?

A few extra questions this week, and I want to talk about my favorite story coming out this morning: Jalen Ramsey calling in sick to Jacksonville today (and impressing upon the Jaguars that he will probably be out all week). Granted, this has led to the rise of Gardner Minshew II, my favorite NFL name (and mustache!) ever. What the hell is happening here, and if you were Jacksonville’s ownership, how do you fix this?

Brandon – If I was Shad Khan, the owner of the Jaguars, I’d be swimming around in money, Scrooge McDuck style. He just gave his son a billion dollars to start a wrestling organization. 

It should be noted that Jalen Ramsey isn’t holding out for more money. He is holding out because Tom Coughlin is an ancient dickhead who alienates every superstar that he has ever had. Someone is going to cough up a 1st and 2nd round pick for him and be better off for it.

Jack – The Jaguars should fire Tom Coughlin and then bring their own Brinks truck when begging Jalen Ramsey to come back to them. Great players win football games, aging probably-racist shithead executives don’t.

Last, and probably least: There are 6 teams right now in the NFL who have played three games and won a grand total of zero of them. Instead of kicking the Jets, Dolphins, Steelers, Bengals, Broncos and Cardinals while they’re down, let’s try and find some greener grass: Who is the best team in this group? And can any of these teams make the playoffs?

Brandon-All of these teams should be in the Mountain West conference playing for the right to play Iowa in some terrible bowl game on Christmas Eve in Maine or something. Statistically, im more likely to have sex with Brie Larsen in a hot air balloon being piloted by Richard Simmons than any of these teams are to make the playoffs. That said, the AFC North might be won by a team with 8 wins, so the Steelers.

Jack – None of these teams are any good, and none can or will make the playoffs. But the Cardinals have Kyler Murray and an ageless Larry Fitzgerald so that at least makes them kinda fun. The Dolphins are probably going to go down as the worst team in NFL history and that makes them kinda fun in a start whoever is going against them in fantasy kinda way.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s