As snow covers the ground and the summer becomes a distant memory, so to does the dreams of most football fans. As teams have now completed their tenth games of the season, we stare down the barrel of reality that around five teams can win the Super Bowl this year. Everyone assumed the Patriots and Rams would be there. The Ravens were a playoff team last year and made the logical leap into the elite this season. The Packers and 49ers, on the other hand, were both coming off terrible seasons before making the jump into contention this year.
And the other teams expected to compete this year? The Rams have quarterback issues. The Eagles have quarterback issues. The Bears have a quarterback black hole that could devour us all. Meanwhile the Bills, in spite of being objectively bad, are going to tap dance into the playoffs. Someone is bound to win the AFC South to earn the right to somehow lose to the Bills in the first round of the playoffs.
Football is stupid. Like, the guy jumping through the cake in the November Rain video stupid. Anyway, here are this week’s power rankings.
The Music of Star Wars, Episode IV: The Phantom Menace (1999)
The build up to the release of The Phantom Menace was one of the most exciting times in my childhood. I loved the movie, especially the podracing scene. Yeah, that was cool. Well, I’m not twelve anymore. I’m old, cynical, and finally understand what the hell is going on in this movie. The problem is, its boring as shit. BUT THAT’S NOT WHY I’M HERE TODAY. Folks, this movie ends with a blitz that almost makes you forget you just watched 100+ minutes of deadpan dialogue delivery, and John Williams is the main reason why.
Continue reading “The Music of Star Wars, Episode IV: The Phantom Menace (1999)”NFL WEEK 11 WINNERS & LOSERS
Week 11 of the NFL season is over. Time to break down the Winners & Losers.
Continue reading “NFL WEEK 11 WINNERS & LOSERS”Fancy Boys Football Mailbag Week 11
Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.
Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.
Continue reading “Fancy Boys Football Mailbag Week 11”Dust on the Road: Sesame Street at 50
Let’s call this take on Sesame Street ‘sad comedic nostalgia’. Sesame Street, for those unaware, turns 50 this week. I, and so many others, grew up on Sesame Street and are hovering near the age of the show, so this milestone takes me back. I’ll first take a look at how Sesame Street shaped me and others, then follow it up with how its original characters will do in their retirement years.
There’s a certain melancholy sense one can have when thinking back at their childhood and how Sesame Street helped mold it as if one’s childhood were soft clay. In truth, it is. Every moment of one’s upbringing puts a mark on your childhood, like your mother or father slapping pencil marks on a door jamb to monitor your physical growth.
My Biggest Bomb Onstage
Comedy contests are dumb. They are inherently arbitrary and many times the voting is completely dependent on who brings the most friends who will laugh at them. Or, if you are me, someone screams something at you from the crowd, and your brain melts in front of a room full of people.
Continue reading “My Biggest Bomb Onstage”FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 11
A quick update about me: last week, I spent the entire week dealing with allergies that I assumed would go away. I felt better at some points, and worse at others. I couldn’t focus enough on anything other than dragging myself to work that I didn’t write the Power Rankings last week. I went though the entire weekend thinking I was getting better. Turns out, I was wrong. I finally broke down and went to a doctor today and it turns out that the allergies had spurred a massive infection that was attacking my throat and eyes. If the infection doesn’t get better through antibiotics and steroids, i’m going to have to go to the hospital Wednesday, which is…thrilling. Anyway, if this rankings isn’t great, it’s because I have zero will to write. I’m powering through for the site. Now, onto the rankings. I’m using the gap week to completely reset all of the rankings and work from this point for the rest of the season.
1: Baltimore Ravens
Sometimes, teams show up to games they know they are going to win, and therefore just sleepwalk through it and escape with a win. The Ravens went with a different option, which was to beat the absolute piss out of the Bengals, breaking their spirits in the process. Lamar Jackson is about one Russell Wilson misstep away from being the MVP front runner.
Continue reading “FBC NFL Power Rankings Week 11”NFL Week 10 Winners & Losers
Week 10 of the NFL season is now in the books, so it’s winners and losers time. Here’s who won and lost in week 10.
Continue reading “NFL Week 10 Winners & Losers”You Should Refrigerate Your Doritos
Life holds many mysteries. One such treasure is the undiscovered delicacy of culinary experimentation. We all know well the magnificent combination of sweet and savory. But what happens when, by mere lapse in motor skill judgment, we stumble upon transcendent greatness? I accidentally tossed some Nacho Cheese Doritos in the fridge. What happened next changed my life forever.
Continue reading “You Should Refrigerate Your Doritos”Fancy Boys Football Mailbag Week 10
Fancy Boys founder Matt Drufke doesn’t know anything about football. Lucky for him, Brandon Andreasen and Jack Baker do.
Each week, Matt emails Brandon and Jack NFL questions, they then immediately go and make fun of his lack of knowledge in a secret group chat. They then go and answer the questions. Here are those answers.
Continue reading “Fancy Boys Football Mailbag Week 10”
