Music/Movies, Pop Culture

I Really Wanted to Like The King of Staten Island

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on I Really Wanted to Like The King of Staten Island
I Really Wanted to Like The King of Staten Island

With everything going on in the world, entertainment is even more of an escape than normal. That could be why I just didn’t enjoy The King of Staten Island. It felt a little too real and cut a little too deep to be an escape. Also, Pete Davidson plays one of the more unlikable people to be a protagonist in a movie in a long time. He is kind of a benign, stoner version of Adam Sandler’s character in Uncut Gems. At the end of Uncut Gems, though, Sandler felt the repercussions of his hubris. Davidson just kind of keeps floating on.

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Advice

Brandon Solves the Internet 6/15 Edition

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Brandon Solves the Internet 6/15 Edition
Brandon Solves the Internet 6/15 Edition

Hey guys, the world is falling apart, the second wave of Coronavirus didn’t have to wait until winter because people in Texas and Florida can’t stop coughing on eachother, and i’m hungover. Let’s get to the questions!

Is it wrong to call fresh water food you eat “seafood?” -Kevin

As a noted stickler for grammar and someone who flies off the handle because there are still grown ass adults who don’t know when to use there, their, they’re, I think that anyone who calls fresh water fish “seafood” should be launched into outer space on one of those rockets Elon Musk makes that keep blowing up.
I’m wondering if this might be a regional thing, and by regional, I of course mean wherever a Long John Silvers is the only place to eat fish in your area. Back when they had a stranglehold on deep frying fish into oblivion, everything on their menu was called seafood, even though 90 percent of it was probably Carp. If you are living in North Kakalacky or wherever and your only reference to eating fish is either the Filet O’ Fish from noted irish restaurant McDonalds or deep fried fish bricks from Long John Silvers, then everything is seafood. It doesn’t really matter that the fish you are eating was dredged out of the swamp at the bottom of a dam at a power plant.
Also, fuck Red Lobster for eternity for their role in this. They are lucky that the go-to joke about fine dining for yokels is Olive Garden instead of them, and they know it. Your biscuits can’t save you.

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Uncategorized

Stars And Barred

by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment on Stars And Barred
Stars And Barred

On April 9, 1865, in Virginia, General Robert E. Lee surrendered the Confederate Troops and ended the Civil War. At least, that’s what Wikipedia tells me, and they seem pretty darn professional about the whole thing.

With Lee’s surrender, our country began a new, unparalleled age of racial harmony and understanding. Gone were the days when people were judged by their skin color without any sort of social, legal or cultural ramifications. As for those who fought for an army seeking to divide the nation? They were judged as traitors and, while still allowed to live and prosper in this new tolerant and forgiving America, they would always be remembered with the blemish for the horrors the Confederacy supported as a reminder that we should never again attempt to divide the nation over the issues of race.

Oh, wait. What I meant was that, even though I live in northern Illinois, I still see dinguses with that stupid fucking confederate flag on their vehicles.

What the fuck happened?

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Music/Movies

Soundtrack To A Revolution: A Review of RTJ4

by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment on Soundtrack To A Revolution: A Review of RTJ4
Soundtrack To A Revolution: A Review of RTJ4

The first rhyme comes out of Killer Mike like a war cry: “Back at it/Like a crack addict” and it’s followed by a series of repetitive percussion given to us by El-P. You can call it a beat, but I’m calling it war drums. It sends out a clear message: Run The Jewels have returned. And we couldn’t need them more.

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Sports

Yes, Major League Baseball IS Trying to Shoot Itself in the Dick

by Brandon Andreasen1 Comment on Yes, Major League Baseball IS Trying to Shoot Itself in the Dick
Yes, Major League Baseball IS Trying to Shoot Itself in the Dick

On Wednesday, the NBA announced they would be returning to in-game action at the end of July. The day before, Major League Soccer avoided a labor stoppage by signing a new collective bargaining agreement, paving the way to return in the fall. The NHL already revealed they would be having a 24 team tournament to determine a league champion. NASCAR has been rolling along as the only professional sport of any interest going right now. Six weeks from training camp, and the NFL has a scandal over kneeling for the flag, so they are right on schedule to start their season. All over the country, sports leagues are finding ways to get going and started again. Be it with empty stadiums, central locations, or any other manner to make sure they have seasons.

Then there is Major League Baseball. During a regular year, they would be cruising into the summer, ready to be the only sport active most days. Instead, owners and players are in a dick waving contest, with the players trying to shove their dicks into a mouse trap, and the owners flat out trying to shoot their dicks off.

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Uncategorized

Is This How Democracy Ends?

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Is This How Democracy Ends?
Is This How Democracy Ends?

I wish I could write something inspiring. I wish I could write something that could bring people together. I wish I could write something that would at least make people stop and think. But I can’t. I am nobody. I’m just a speck on this earth. An organism that just happens to exist to see Democracy die.

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Misc., Uncategorized

I Don’t Know What To Title This Story Without Sounding Like A Pretentious, Irritating Piece Of Garbage

by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment on I Don’t Know What To Title This Story Without Sounding Like A Pretentious, Irritating Piece Of Garbage

As protests happen in Minnesota and there has yet to be an arrest in the murder of George Floyd, I sit here comfortably in my home drinking coffee in front of my laptop. I know the last thing anyone needs right now is the opinion of this tired, chubby white dude about race in this country. And, for the record, everyone is right.

That being said, all I can think about is this story. And I want to share it with you.

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Sports

KBO WEEK THREE WRAP-UP

by Michael GraceLeave a Comment on KBO WEEK THREE WRAP-UP
KBO WEEK THREE WRAP-UP

In the third week of the season, trends begin to present themselves. The Samsung Lions and SK Wyverns and languishing at the bottom of the table. For Doosan, it is not the team’s record that is drawing attention, but their designated hitter’s ruthless tear through KBO pitching. The Dinos fell but remain the class of the KBO. I finally highlight some quality pitching, as well as a few swings-and-misses that will surely make you feel better about your ability to hit a 90mph fastball.

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Music/Movies

#ReleaseTheSnyderCut?

by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment on #ReleaseTheSnyderCut?
#ReleaseTheSnyderCut?

Comic book fans love alternate universes. A timeline that exists in a parallel dimension where the rules are different. Perhaps a hero in this universe is evil somewhere else, or someone has different superpowers. But alternate universes are only fun if they collide with our existing universe. We have to bring the elements that are different and unique into our element and watch as things go crazy and both sides try and cope.

For a while, comic book fans have believed in an alternative universe of their own. In this world, there is a second version of the painfully average film Justice League. A version which is entirely written and directed by Zack Snyder, who brought Man Of Steel and Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice to film audiences. What does this new film look like? Comic book nerds have wondered for years. But it didn’t seem like it mattered. It didn’t even seem like it existed.

However, all of these fans got a shock to their system today, as HBO Max announced that, next year, they will be releasing the Snyder cut of Justice League.

Someone call Powerman 5000 for all of these fans, because we’re about to see what it’s like when worlds collide. The only question is: do people really want this?

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Advice, Comedy, Misc.

The Official Hierarchy Of Social Media Birthday Wishes

by Matt DrufkeLeave a Comment on The Official Hierarchy Of Social Media Birthday Wishes
The Official Hierarchy Of Social Media Birthday Wishes

They say that there are only two guarantees in life: death and taxes. I think they’re wrong.

Let’s start with the taxes part. Sure, we all pay our taxes. Except we all don’t. The rich have clever ways of getting around that and I’m pretty sure this is why our current president doesn’t want to show any of his returns. So, I’m going to replace taxes with social media, because I have friends on all the social medium who do not pay their taxes.

And death? I mean, yeah… but, man, that’s morose. Let’s flip that around and instead of death, let’s call it life. Doesn’t that feel more positive?

So, now there are only two guarantees in life: life and social media. And in the middle of those come online birthday greetings. But what’s the right one for you to send to someone?

Let’s get into it.

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