The NHL Report at the All-Star Break

The NHL in the first ‘half’ (we are beyond the halfway point but the All-Star Break is a reasonable spot to be considered halfway), we saw the league do some good things. One, they pulled their players from participating in the Olympics. Frankly, just preventing the players from being exhausted for the stretch run it would have made sense. Protecting them from possibly being more exposed than they already are to COVID is another. Two, COVID protocols have seemed to work. There have been times when teams have had to take time off because their ranks have been decimated by the virus, but that lay-off doesn’t really seem to affect good teams. And bad teams are, by definition, bad so who fucking cares.

Regarding good teams, let’s slip on some skates and glide around with my favorite team, the Colorado Avalanche. They played Trashville on December 16th and got their ass handed to them, losing 5-2. Due to COVID, they didn’t play again until January 2nd. Basically, they got a public-school Christmas Break. A long layoff ought to make a team pretty rusty, right? Umm, large no on that one. They won their return game, roasting the Ducks 4-2, then proceeded to go 14-1 for January, vaulting themselves into first place in the Western Conference. They’re 8 points above the Trashville Sabre Cats (Yes I know they are the Nashville Predators, but look at their dumb-ass logo) with two games in hand.

Nazem Kadri of the Avalanche is having a hell of a season. Here’s hoping he keeps his head on straight and doesn’t do anything stupid to get suspended like her did for the playoffs last year. Photo via The Hockey News shot by Jeff Curry – USA Today Sports

What does two games in hand mean? I’ll get to that. Tighten the laces on your skates and let’s continue.

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Are You (Joe Rogan) Experienced?

Are You (Joe Rogan) Experienced?

This is going to be another one of those stories where we talk about something that many comedians have been discussing on social media. Maybe you’re a comedian and this interests you. Maybe you’re not a comedian but keep your finger on the pulse of comedy news. Maybe you’re an alpaca and your farmer is reading this to you.

Like the other stories I’ve written in this vein about people like Shane Gillis and Dave Chappelle, this is a story where I take a look at speech and consequences and the concept of a “cancel culture”, though the fact that I’ve put quotes around that term should tell you where I stand on it. There’s a lot of stuff you could also cover, from toxic fandom to how so many people are using a climate of fear for their own personal gain.

So, strap in, kids. Let’s talk about Joe Rogan.

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90 Seconds of Fame: the Legacy of Ski Ballet

90 Seconds of Fame: the Legacy of Ski Ballet

The Beijing Winter Olympics are upon us, and with that comes another political elephant in the room and of course the existential dread of that thing we’ve all been dealing with. Still, the Olympics are a time to honor what is great in humanity, displaying the best of our youth. Over the next two weeks, figure skaters will dazzle us, curlers will inspire us, and those skeleton dudes will have us feeling anxious. Years ago, in the days of Cool Runnings, there was a sport just on the fringe of Olympic competition called Ski Ballet. It was here and gone before it could grab the hearts and minds of the world, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t special. I assure you, whatever you’re picturing in your head, you’re probably correct.

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4 Ways In Which Tom Brady Is Inferior To Air Bud

4 Ways In Which Tom Brady Is Inferior To Air Bud

The sports world was saddened today as Tom Brady announced his retirement, assumably so he can continue what appears to be his true passion of making incredibly cheesy commercials for rental car companies. There is no way to understate Brady’s dominance of the NFL, and you could make the argument that he is not only the best quarterback in the history of the league, but also the best player.

However, I am not interested in comparing him to all QBs or every person to ever play in the NFL. I’m only curious in how Brady stacks up to one man.

And, by man, I mean dog.

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FBC 2022 Oscar Coverage- Part I: Predicting The Nominees

FBC 2022 Oscar Coverage- Part I: Predicting The Nominees

When the last football game was played on Sunday and we knew who would be competing in the Super Bowl, a wonderful thought occurred to me and I was instantly overjoyed: IT’S OSCAR SEASON, BABY! I no longer have to care about football, because movies are back and we are in the full swing of awards season!

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Fare Thee Well, Penny Road Pub

Fare Thee Well, Penny Road Pub

Located in what felt like the middle of nowhere in Barrington, Illinois, the Penny Road Pub was a bar and multi-staged venue that made its living by hosting shows. More often than not there were bands, but myself and a few other different comedian/producers tried to get comedy started there as well. Unfortunately, we all learned one thing: because this venue is in the middle of nowhere, Penny Road Pub had, literally, zero foot traffic. The only way to have a crowd is to bring the audience yourself, which is not a skill suburban comedians are super-great at.

The venue closed down last night and that made me wistful. In the fifteen years or so I’ve been doing comedy, that venue provided me some of my happiest/angriest/weirdest moments. I got to hang out with some amazing people, meet lifelong friends, and watch amazing comedians work their craft in front of small audiences. When I say small, it was usually just my wife, Jon- the brother of co-producer Lewis Rhine, and Jon’s friend Charlie. Later, Lewis and I would add Joe Motisi to our production team, mostly because we just liked spending time with him and we all thought each other were hilarious.

What the show lacked in numbers, though, it more than made up for in memories.

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Little League Baseball Umpiring Tales: Part 1

Little League Baseball Umpiring Tales: Part 1

The middle of the 2000’s was a weird time. I had lazily rolled my odometer over past 21 years. I wasn’t really a productive member of society. Summers were spent hanging out by the pool, drinking the day away, and playing MVP 2005 on X Box. I wasn’t exactly career driven, or driven by anything other than a desire to drink and carouse my way through life.

The nice thing about being young and slovenly was that I didn’t really need much money to get by. I worked odd jobs here and there. At one point, we were hired to put a small stream that led down into a tiny reflecting pond in a yard. I won’t bore you with all of the details, but I do seem to remember the yard flooding soon after due to our handiwork. There was also a stint at a gym, a self storage place, and a particularly spectacular flame out at Home Depot.

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Future Potential Chicago Bears Coach Power Rankings

Future Potential Chicago Bears Coach Power Rankings

With the announcement on Tuesday that the Bears have signed former Kansas City Chiefs director of player personnel Ryan Poles to be their new General Manager, they have cleared an incredibly low bar that many people in Chicago thought they would still manage to botch. The team managed to put someone in charge of football operations BEFORE they signed a head coach. While this seems like a pretty basic rule of thumb, especially since nobody above the GM actually knows their ass from the fail son hole in the ground they popped out of, there was a lack of confidence in them doing the signing in the right order that was very discouraging. In Poles, they also pulled off the rare feat of hiring someone to a position that doesn’t require team owner, family matriarch, and former lover of William Henry Harrison, Virginia McCaskey to have to learn a new name. She can say Ryan Pace and it still sounds really close to the correct name, so she has that going for her!

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Maybe Sunday’s Playoff Games Were Not Really That Good?

Maybe Sunday’s Playoff Games Were Not Really That Good?

This weekend featured, if the internet is to be believed, the best week of playoff football, perhaps, ever. Multiple last-second finishes that had NFL twitter going insane and fans of teams getting happy drunk, sad drunk, or angry drunk, depending on who you were rooting for.

And while I do agree that Saturday’s Packers-49ers game was a very good game (though it made me sad for my mom, a diehard Packers fan), I didn’t see two good games on Sunday. I saw one bad game and one reason why football is flawed. And I know I’m not considered the NFL expert on this site, but perhaps that makes my everyman take something to consider.

Yesterday, the NFL done fucked up. So let’s stop pretending like it was good.

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It’s Like They’re Not Even Trying: A Brief Study At Debunking COVID Misinformation

It’s Like They’re Not Even Trying: A Brief Study At Debunking COVID Misinformation

As we are weeks away from entering the third year of living with COVID, one cannot help but see what a toll has been taken on the world. People have gotten hyper-emotional. We’re all mad and sad and scared and confused. We all just want answers because we have so many questions.

Sadly, too many people have turned to the internet to find answers. In theory, this should be a wonderful thing. The internet can be, when used properly, an amazing wealth of information. However, like most good things, it can also be used to cause considerable harm.

I get that there are a lot of bad faith actors out there; people who just use the world wide web and all of its applications to confuse people. I just wish some of them weren’t just so fucking stupid.

Here is one example.

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