90 Seconds of Fame: the Legacy of Ski Ballet

90 Seconds of Fame: the Legacy of Ski Ballet

The Beijing Winter Olympics are upon us, and with that comes another political elephant in the room and of course the existential dread of that thing we’ve all been dealing with. Still, the Olympics are a time to honor what is great in humanity, displaying the best of our youth. Over the next two weeks, figure skaters will dazzle us, curlers will inspire us, and those skeleton dudes will have us feeling anxious. Years ago, in the days of Cool Runnings, there was a sport just on the fringe of Olympic competition called Ski Ballet. It was here and gone before it could grab the hearts and minds of the world, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t special. I assure you, whatever you’re picturing in your head, you’re probably correct.

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4 Ways In Which Tom Brady Is Inferior To Air Bud

4 Ways In Which Tom Brady Is Inferior To Air Bud

The sports world was saddened today as Tom Brady announced his retirement, assumably so he can continue what appears to be his true passion of making incredibly cheesy commercials for rental car companies. There is no way to understate Brady’s dominance of the NFL, and you could make the argument that he is not only the best quarterback in the history of the league, but also the best player.

However, I am not interested in comparing him to all QBs or every person to ever play in the NFL. I’m only curious in how Brady stacks up to one man.

And, by man, I mean dog.

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Maybe Sunday’s Playoff Games Were Not Really That Good?

Maybe Sunday’s Playoff Games Were Not Really That Good?

This weekend featured, if the internet is to be believed, the best week of playoff football, perhaps, ever. Multiple last-second finishes that had NFL twitter going insane and fans of teams getting happy drunk, sad drunk, or angry drunk, depending on who you were rooting for.

And while I do agree that Saturday’s Packers-49ers game was a very good game (though it made me sad for my mom, a diehard Packers fan), I didn’t see two good games on Sunday. I saw one bad game and one reason why football is flawed. And I know I’m not considered the NFL expert on this site, but perhaps that makes my everyman take something to consider.

Yesterday, the NFL done fucked up. So let’s stop pretending like it was good.

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DeMar DeRozan had himself a pretty good 24 hours last week…

DeMar DeRozan had himself a pretty good 24 hours last week…

In an NBA season in which DeMar DeRozan has already had an insane amount of highlights, the Bulls star had himself a pretty impressive 24-hour stint.

Chicago fans cheered with glee as DeRozan, who was establishing himself as an impressive NBA star, joined the Bulls alongside Zach LaVine and Nikola Vucevic. When the Bulls also grabbed Lonzo Ball and Alex Caruso, there was something the United Center hadn’t felt in a great number of years: hope.

And DeRozan has lived up to the hype. He should absolutely be an all-star this year and needs to be in MVP consideration. He is someone who is producing for the Bulls, especially late in games. No player this year has scored more points in the fourth quarter than DeMar DeRozan. When it counts, he wants the ball. And he can almost always deliver.

Ok, let’s get into last week…

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The Great Gridiron in the Sky is Gifted a Legend

BOOM! With crazy-ass Al Davis, getting a great coach and keeping them is pure luck. He rolled 7’s to get John Madden. Madden was first hired as the Raiders Linebacker Coach then two years later moved up to the head coaching position to become – at the time – the youngest head coach ever at 32. He lasted 9 seasons with Al Davis, and took the Raiders to a Super Bowl, winning Super Bowl XI against the hapless Vikings 32-14 (yes the Vikings are hapless. They are the Bills of the NFC: 4 trips and 0 trophies).

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Baseball, Art Out of Time: At Full Capacity

Baseball, Art Out of Time: At Full Capacity

“So that’ll bring up Rizzo,” a voice offscreen says as the first baseman takes the first pitch. Anthony Rizzo needs no introduction. He is the face of the Chicago Cubs and its un-charged captain. “And now he drills one deep to right field, there it goes, see ya,” the faceless voice declares. “And it gives the Yankees a one-nothing lead.” It’s July 30th, 2021. By this point in the day, MLB’s trade deadline, the Cubs’ championship core of Rizzo, Javier Baez, and Kris Bryant has been dismantled. The weeks before had felt like hospice for the should-have-been dynasty. The greatest era of Cubs baseball anyone can remember was over. Forty-nine days earlier, that core combined for one hit in a game against the St. Louis Cardinals. It was deemed ‘Opening Day 2.0’ because Wrigley Field was able to host a full stadium. His helmet still bright blue, his team down 5-4, the captain of the Chicago Cubs stepped into the box against righty Daniel Ponce de Leon.

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The MLB 2021 Season – A Pre Wrap-Up

A while back, toward the beginning of the baseball season when every team except the Pirates, Rockies, and Orioles thought they might have a chance to make it to the playoffs, I wrote two articles.

Article Uno was the before the season really got underway and I explained how this year might – note the word might – be one of the easiest on record to predict regarding who will make it to the World Series. I said the Yankees and the Dodgers. The Dodgers, were 5 games back as of last week and are now one-and-a-half games back, and are still the NL favorite as well as the only team sitting at a whopping 23% chance to win the whole she-bang. Oh, gross.

Let’s take a long look at that – in spite of the surprising Giants, the Dodgers are catching up quickly. Mostly it’s a strength-of-schedule issue. The Giants simply have a harder schedule down the stretch. The Giants have the desperate Padres 7x in the next month. The Padres have completely drained their ‘sure bet’ playoff appearance by completely sucking in July and August. July they went 11-14 and for August they are sitting at 8-10 with three games against the Dodgers coming up this week.  I hope they pound the Dodgers but odds aren’t good. Plus, they have 3 more versus the Dodgers in September and a whopping 7 against the Giants.

They are so bad they picked up Jake Arrieta. That’s a sign things won’t be going well for them for the next 5 weeks. Naturally, Arrieta’s first game may be his only one. We all knew he’d suck, he did, and suddenly got a hamstring issue. I fixed the headline for MLB.

Of course MLB did their best to ignore my ‘fix’
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FBC 2021 NFL Preview: NFC West

FBC 2021 NFL Preview: NFC West

Every year, I start these previews with the best of intentions. To talk some shit, have some fun, and preview the start of the football season. But by the time I hit the end every year, I want nothing more than to jump into a time machine and beat my own ass for thinking this is a good idea. The end is just me hoping i’m not reusing insults and puns and whatnot.

After this, i’m taking a few days off to not stare at my laptop. Then that will last about a day. Next week, i’m going to be bringing your my division picks, awards candidates, Super bowl pick, and what not. The week after that, i’ll drop my first Power Rankings, which is always going to be a little more sad when I don’t have Adam Gase to make fun of. Additionally, next week, over on Football Absurdity, i’m going to drop my first gambling article of the season, going over every team’s Super Bowl odds. After that, i’ll do a weekly column every Thursday over there an talk about my favorite bets of the gambling week.

That’s what you do when you truly, deeply hate something. You double down and do even more of it! Now let’s check otu the NFC West!

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FBC 2021 NFL Preview: NFC South

FBC 2021 NFL Preview: NFC South

Much like Prince at a club in the 80’s, this division bores me. There is one good team and three teams that are already building their draft boards for next season. The Super Bowl champions reside in this division. But so does a team that decided to embark on the Sam Darnold Reclamation Project. Jameis is back! But so is Matt Ryan 😦

Well, it’s almost over at least. Both the anticipation for the rest of the season and me having to pretend to be excited to write about some of these teams. Lets get on with it. The NFC South, everyone.

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FBC 2021 NFL Preview: NFC North

FBC 2021 NFL Preview: NFC North

It could have been so easy. It was right there for the taking. It took one decision to change everything. The axis of power forever thrown off it’s axle and for once a chance given to so many. ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS HIRE AARON RODGERS, JEOPARDY, YOU BASTARDS!

But no, instead King Shit Mustache is back to lord over the division again. Aaron Rodgers is like the band Kiss. He keeps threatening to leave our lives, making most of us happy. Then they keep coming back, infuriating everyone but a set of fat, white people. I’ve watched the preseason quite a bit because i’m dead on the inside. I like to make fun of the other shitty divisions in the NFL, but there is a genuine chance the Packers will have locked the division up by Thanksgiving. The quarterback situations range from “fans already booing the quarterback( Andy Dalton)” to “fans are hoping their quarterback gets a bad case of covid (Kirk Cousins)” to “eh, who the fuck cares anymore (Jared Goff).”

If you are going to anoint them, then just fucking anoint them. Let’s do the NFC North.

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