Author: Brandon Andreasen

Football Gambling Writer. Comedy Writer Twitter: @awfulmusicfacts fancyboysclub.com footballabsurdity.com
Uncategorized

How To Be A Working Comic

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on How To Be A Working Comic

1: Go-to as many mics as possible.

2: Refine your set. Know what works in 5 minute intervals. You will always get a 5, 10, 15, or 20 minute spot.

3: Never say you can do a ten if you only have a five. Your crowd work ISNT that good.

4: Be A good person. Just be cool with fellow comics and you will develop friendships from there

5: Be patient. None of this comes overnight. Enjoy the process. Enjoy the mics.

6: Comedy isn’t a race. If you see people getting spots ahead of you, that’s fine. Comedy is 90% sitting around and waiting, and 5% hoping people like your spot. If you love comedy, and are committed to being apart of it, then don’t stress everyone else. Trust your material. Write constantly. Find your voice. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are all in it together.

7: Above all else: have as much fun as possible. Trust me. Everything ends. The waiting for your turn. Going to the bars after shows with fellow comics. Sets in Bradley that nobody sees. It’s all worth it.

Love every fucking minute of it.

Comedy, Music/Movies

Whose Lyric Is It? Taylor Swift or GWAR?

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Whose Lyric Is It? Taylor Swift or GWAR?

It’s a well known fact to both casual and hardcore Taylor Swift fans that she got her start in “The Toilet Nashville” the preeminent all girls GWAR cover band in the preeminent bachelorette party town in the country. It’s canon in Swift fandom that she went by the pseudonym Swiftcake The Mighty. After the band broke up due to creative differences, Swift would go on to have one of the most successful singles act careers in the history of terrible music.

What isn’t brought up as much, due to Swift and her army’s maniacal desire to hide this part of her musical history by scrubbing the internet by only clicking on posts about Taylor that are in Teen Vogue, is that there is a very noticeable influence in the lyrics that Taylor Swift has manufactured for her and the lyrics of the band she once vomited on people at Acme Feed and Seed in honor of.

Now, with the release of Taylor Swift’s newest album Midnight, lets play everyone’s favorite game!

How hard is it to tell the difference between a Taylor Swift lyric and a Gwar lyric? Let’s find out by playing WHOSE LYRIC IS IT? TAYLOR SWIFT OR GWAR?!?

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baseball, Sports

Potential New White Sox Managers, Ranked

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Potential New White Sox Managers, Ranked

It seems like just yesterday that I was speechless. I, like many others, were caught completely off guard two years ago by the report from noted MLB stooge, USA Today lackey, and Jerry Reinsdorf henchman Bob Nightengale, that the White Sox were looking at bringing back noted septuagenarian Tony La Russa to coach the Chicago White Sox. The very same La Russa who had more recently made headlines by getting DUI’s and having dumb opinions about protesting, than had actually coached a major league baseball game. Yet, there his name was, in some form of karmic nonsense, being attached to Chicago because the owner was trying to make right the issues of four decades prior.

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Music/Movies

3 For the Road: Clerks III Review

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on 3 For the Road: Clerks III Review
3 For the Road: Clerks III Review

For people of a certain age, the Kevin Smith universe is one in which most have at least stepped foot in. From the original Clerks, to it’s sequel, to all the movies that are (relatively) canon, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, millions are familiar with the interactions and catchphrases set in suburban New Jersey. The characters and in jokes that criss cross the landscape created by Smith. But as all things, there must be an ending. Why did it have to be so damn sad?

***There are no real spoilers in this review. Not totally sure you would believe me, anyway***

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NFL, Sports, Uncategorized

Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 2

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 2
Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 2

Week one of the NFL season is usually a high variant week because our impressions of teams are based on nothing more than assumptions, predictions, and results from a year ago. Even given that, week one of the NFL season this year was absolutely bonkers. From 2:30 PM-4:00 PM CST on Sunday is why Redzone exists. If you were watching, you saw the Browns win a game at the buzzer against the Panthers on a 55 yard field goal by a kicker in his first career game. Then you saw the Bengals and Steelers kickers lose their absolute minds and run a game down to the wire that should have ended no fewer than five times. Then the Saints went down field at the end of regulation to kick what should have been a game winning field goal, only to have Atlanta get into range in 15 seconds before the Saints blocked a game winning field goal attempt. Then you got to watch an absolute embarrassment between the Texans and the Colts. Then you got to watch Patrick Mahomes starting to absolutely and surgically ruin the Cardinals.

It’s going to be a fun season.

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television, Uncategorized, Wrestling

Two Ships Keep Passing in the Night, But Never in the Same Direction

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Two Ships Keep Passing in the Night, But Never in the Same Direction

On Sunday night, All Elite Wrestling, the upstart promotion run by Tony Khan, the son of Jacksonville Jaguars owner Shad Khan, had their biggest event of the year at Now Arena in Hoffman Estates, IL. Odds are, though, if you have heard anything about the proceedings of the evening, you aren’t aware of the wrestling so much as the post show fire bombing of the company by newly crowned champion CM Punk.

For those that know the Lockport, IL born wrestler, he is a soothsayer and a truth teller. He is a great wrestler and gatekeeper of the sport, but also acerbic and short tempered with those he feels has crossed him or wronged him in any way. He is as notable for his promos as he is for much of what he has done in the ring. On Sunday night, he decided to light an M-80 and throw it into the AEW toilet to see how hard he could blow it all up.

Continue reading “Two Ships Keep Passing in the Night, But Never in the Same Direction” →
NFL, Sports, Uncategorized

Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 1

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 1
Fancy Boys Club 2022 NFL Power Rankings Week 1

Welcome back to the Fancy Boys Club Power Rankings! Let’s hope I don’t lose interest and I keep it up the entire season. We are less than two weeks until the NFL season and teams have survived the preseason without much in terms of major injuries, with the notable exception of the Baltimore Ravens mascot.

The 2022 season will start after one of the most unprecedented offseasons in league history. For those who weren’t keeping track, Aaron Rodgers did his yearly asshat routine before coming back to the Packers. The team showed their appreciation by trading Davante Adams to the Raiders. Abstinence advocate Russell Wilson was traded to a Broncos team that suddenly looks more dangerous with an NFL quarterback behind center. Massage enthusiast and noted sexual predator Deshaun Watson escaped Houston by being traded to one of the most morally bankrupt teams in a league full of them, then got suspended for 2/3 of the season. Tom Brady retired, definitely tried going to Miami until the hole they were digging themselves into got too deep, then returned to Tampa. The Chiefs sent Tyreke Hill to the Dolphins, and he proceeded to say a bunch of dumb things to the media. A year after trading multiple draft picks for Carson Wentz, every “well, actually” football fan’s favorite quarterback this side of Kirk Cousins, the Colts jettisoned him to Washington and traded for whatever is left of Matt Ryan. And the Eagles traded for AJ Brown so they can watch Jalen Hurts throw the ball way over his head on every ten yard out pattern.

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Advice, Comedy

What’s In Brandon’s Head 8/3 Edition

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on What’s In Brandon’s Head 8/3 Edition
What’s In Brandon’s Head 8/3 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

Bullet Train is Pure Insansity

It’s always refreshing to go to a movie and enjoy yourself. This is difficult for me because I don’t like the horror genre, and the only thing that makes me break out in hives more than super hero movies is bee stings. (very literally on the bee sting front. My buddy Chabus had to drive me to the hospital one time because I nearly My Girl’d myself.)

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Advice, Comedy

WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition

by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment on WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition
WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition

There is a lot rattling around in site co-founder Brandon Andreasen’s head. He can’t spend 5000 words on everything that he wants to, because it would heavily interfere in his time normally spent drinking, watching King of the Hill reruns, and just generally being lazy. So every week, Brandon is going to do a scattershot of smaller stories he won’t commit to writing full stories about.

RIP To The Choco Taco

Companies reveal and remove food items from our lives all the time. When you are a fat, this hits you particularly hard. And as a noted fat, I was heartbroken to learn that Klondike had decided to discontinue the Choco Taco, a sweet treat of a taco made of a waffle cone, ice cream, and then dipped in chocolate. It’s July, a month that is specifically taxing on people of girth. We need our cool treats (shout out to my buddy Mongoloid Mike who was out of town on my birthday, so he Door Dash’d me ice cream sandwiches from Coldstone) to help us survive the sweltering heat. We don’t melt like snowmen, we die of heat stroke while trying to mow the yard.

Continue reading “WHAT’S IN BRANDON’S HEAD 7/27 Edition” →