The MLB’s Hot Stove League – The December Report

What? It’s December? But that means… yes, MLB’s Winter meetings have snuck up on us like a polar vortex wind, getting us baseball fans all nipply with excitement.

A few things have happened since the November Report. A quick summation:

Continue reading “The MLB’s Hot Stove League – The December Report”

NHL: The Tirty-Tree & a Tird report

A full third of the way through the 2019-2020 season. I waited as patiently as a Zamboni smoothing ice for the Colorado Avalanche to get to game 27 of the season. Yes, technically game 27 is 32.9 percent of the season, but game 28 leaves you at 34.1 percent so as that mediocre politician and awful (I assume) hockey player Mick Mulvaney stated, ‘deal with it.’

Plus, a lot of the other teams have reached game 28. The Red Wings have reached game 30, a blessing for them to get this season as far in their past as possible as fast as they can. Good St. Joseph the Crosschecker they are awful.

I’ll try to build upon the 20 percent report and see where how our playoff teams would be set up if we were to end the season right now. Continue reading “NHL: The Tirty-Tree & a Tird report”

NHL: The 20% report

Okay, so we are 20% through the season. Yes, as of this writing there are a few stragglers who have yet to reach the 20% mark… and there are a few teams over it. That’s scheduling for you. Hockey players need well-deserved breaks between games. It’s a brutal sport on one’s body, yet of course there is majesty to watching men on ice dazzle with their skating skills but still be able to smoke an opponent into the boards for merely sneering at them.

You may recall, well I am sure you will because EVERYONE READS this well-put together report, and my hockey knowledge is nearly as good as the Bantum-level hockey kid across the street, that the 10% report went sort of like this:

Continue reading “NHL: The 20% report”

World Series Report, post game 5

I waited until the series was over in Washington. I could spend a whole lot of space breaking down games 3, 4, and 5, giving you reasons why the Astros rallied from two games down to not only make this a series again, but to dominate the damn thing. However, there is truly only one number you need to know… the number one. Good gravy, Nationals. Swept at home. 4-1. 8-1. 7-1. One really is the loneliest number.

The Nationals fans seriously deserve a rousing round of applause for the chorus of ‘boos’ and the showering of ‘lock him up’ toward our feckless Bloated Circus Peanut leader as he was announced prior to the first pitch of Game 5. Made me proud the team also selected renowned chef, humanitarian and Trump-basher José Andrés to throw out the first pitch (low and outside) and then a bit sad their team couldn’t take the grandstand performance and run with it. Hell, Astro fans would have probably given DOTUS a standing ovation. Don’t try to fight me on this one, it’s Texas, one of those states where the capital is pretty much on its own liberal island.

Continue reading “World Series Report, post game 5”

World Series Report, post game 2

I’m in the Milwaukee Airport, MKE to you aviation buffs, waiting for a flight to Denver. I have a 10:15 flight. I parked at 8:00. I’m now at the gate, after taking a bathroom break, and it’s 8:15. Ergo, I have time to give you a synopsis of the first 2 games of World Series 2019.

I’ll have to admit, I was wrong about the Astros. I was, however, correct about the Nationals. If any team was going to get past the Dodgers, it was the Nationals… and St. Louis stood merely as a speed bump on the way to the World Series.

Continue reading “World Series Report, post game 2”

The NHL at 10%

Hockey is violent ballet; grace and guts. And yes, if you’re skating on the same thin ice I am, The Nutcracker would sell more tickets if we knew sometime during the Sugar Plum Fairy one of the dancers would get crosschecked.

Okay, we’re around the 10% mark of the season. No, there was not a 0% report as a) zero means no games have been played, and b) no one wants to be a zero. What you’re going to see here is a breakdown of each team so far by conference and who’s going to hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup based upon the current standings. Let’s go East first.

Continue reading “The NHL at 10%”

The Clock is Your Friend, Soccer

I am a fan of the Premier League Football team Tottenham Hotspur. However, I am not necessarily a zealous fan of football/futbol/soccer for one particular reason – the clock. Fine, I can handle players falling like bowling pins every time they feel a breeze go by from an opposing player. I can handle them laying on the pitch for five minutes writhing in pain grabbing whatever body part they felt was injured… and then getting up and playing some more.

OK, I can barely handle that. That’s dumb. Drag them off the field and get on with it.

What vexes me as much as Wisconsin drivers using the left lane like it’s their Sunday drive is clock management… or lack of clock management. Time was created by man, so let’s use it, shall we? When a player is egregiously fouled by an opposing player by something as awful as a tap on the shoulder and falls into a fetal position onto the field as if someone took their blankie? The clock keeps ticking time off the regulation 45 minute half. Doesn’t seem fair right?

Continue reading “The Clock is Your Friend, Soccer”

5 Reasons I’m Excited About the Bears in 2019

5 Reasons I’m Excited About the Bears in 2019

It’s a weird time to be a Bears fan. The season begins tonight, and unlike in years past, the Bears aren’t already mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. In fact, myself and many others think they could be quite good.

Despite what former Bears head coach and current ESPN dipshit John Fox thinks, the Bears did not have the worst offseason in the NFL. They brought back nearly every starter from last year’s championship team, added some exciting new skill players on offense, and fired the Today Show talkin’ corpse of Cody Parkey directly into the sun.

Continue reading “5 Reasons I’m Excited About the Bears in 2019”

Delicious Darkness of Delusion aka Math Hurts

“What are you going to do now? Hit me? Is that it? I don’t see your reasoning so now you’re going to hit me?”

“Why does it always come to that? Seriously, why? Hitting you would be… well it would be completely unfair because I know what’s coming. It’s not exactly like you’re going to pop me with a surprise left.” Continue reading “Delicious Darkness of Delusion aka Math Hurts”