NFL Draft – Fancy Boys Club

Fancy Boys Club NFL Mock Draft Version 1.0

March 4, 2025March 3, 2025by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

There is no offseason in the NFL. There is PLENTY of offseason for me. The last time I wrote, Bill Belichick was still pretending that he was an NFL coaching candidate, the Chiefs felt inevitable, and people merely assumed Myles Garrett wanted out of Cleveland. But there is no offseason for the NFL. Before the hangover of the Philadelphia Eagles’ Super Bowl win had fully cleared, teams were assembling last weekend in Indianapolis for the NFL Draft Combine, where all of the best college players (except the ones who are too good to do drills) came to get judged based on their ability to jump, run in a straight line, and pretend that they want to be drafted by the New York Giants.

In an effort to be more like every other sports website, I’ve taken on the task of entering the 1,702,344th 2025 NFL Mock Draft into the universe. The difference between this and so many others you will read? This one is totally serious. I’ll be including projected trades, and will definitely take team competence into mind when making these picks. So without further adieu, let’s slap this donkey.

1st Pick: Shedeur Sanders, QB, New York Giants

The Giants trade with the Titans to get to the top of the draft to draft the best quarterback in the draft, then proceed to draft the second best quarterback in the draft. In order to do so, the Giants trade the number three pick this year, their first round pick next year, and John Mara offers up either one of his granddaughters, actresses Rooney and Kate Mara to dead Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams, in some afterlife version of the movie Indecent Proposal.

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NFL, Sports

A Chicago Bears Choose Your Own Adventure

March 15, 2024March 14, 2024by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

It’s impressive sometimes how quickly you can go from “what are you doing?” to “what, you are doing it!” The Chicago Bears stepped into free agency with the third most available cap space in the NFL, and up until 9:30 PM on Thursday, the results were….underwhelming? Just okay? Good for depth? For the most part, the signings up this point have been moves a team that believes it is close to a championship make. Depth moves in the middle to bottom of the roster. Building strong special teams. Overpaying for a running back they didn’t need.

Generally, those are moves that teams make when they know they are close to a championship level and are safeguarding themselves up and down the roster against injury. Then the Bears traded for future Wide Receiver Keenan Allen. The Los Angeles Chargers came to Allen asking him to take a pay cut. He is due to make 18 million with a cap hit of 23 million in 2024, the final season of his contract. Allen said no. The Chargers proceeded to jettison him to the Bears for nothing more than a 4th round pick.

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NFL, Sports

NFL Post-Draft Power Rankings

May 4, 2023May 4, 2023by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Welcome back, my friends! It’s almost as if football season never ended. In reality, it doesn’t end. Football is a 12 month content machine. It never stops. Maybe you are able to detach from it and live normal lives. That’s not me, though. I spend my days staring at FanDuel, talking myself into burning money on MVP bets in March, and am already scouring the internet hoping to find defensive rookie of the year odds. Yes i’m a psychopath. It’s in my nature.

With the draft wrapping up, the good free agents signed, and Aaron Rodgers finally cast off to get eaten alive by the New York media, lets jump in and do a Power Ranking!

1: Philadelphia Eagles
Super Bowl Odds: +850

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Sports

2021 NFL Draft First Round Live Blog

April 29, 2021April 29, 2021by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Welcome everybody to my constantly updating live blog where I’ll be giving my thoughts about picks throughout tonight’s first round of the NFL draft. All of the lovey eyes being made between prospects and teams. All of the subterfuge and personality testing. Everything is done. Tonight is where the rubber hits the road. Tonight is about changing teams through the draft and…..BAH GAWD THAT’S AARON RODGER’S MUSIC!

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Sports

Are Mitch Trubisky and Adam Shaheen the Worst Draft Combo Ever

December 8, 2020December 7, 2020by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

As the Bears fritter away a 5-1 start and find themselves fading into mediocrity for another season, it’s worth looking at the biggest reason they are here right now. In 2017, the Bears famously didn’t bring in Deshaun Watson before the draft because they were so taken with the kind of man Mitch “kissing titties” Trubisky was. He drove an economical car! He was so polite and well spoken! There were a lot of superlatives used to talk about how great of a quarterback they thought Trubisky would be. And all of those words that were ejaculated out of the mouths of Ryan Pace, Ted Philips, and the rest of the Apple Dumpling Gang in Lake Forest, Illinois, turned out to be completely meaningless.

Mitch turned into the Derek Zoolander of professional quarterbacking. He couldn’t throw left. The truth was, throwing to his right and deep downfield weren’t strong suits of his, either. Matt Nagy, who is increasingly in over his head and quite possibly headed for unemployment after the season, doesn’t have a fix and instead of trying to find new voices to help Mitch and the Chicago Bears offense, instead filled his coaching staff with sycophants and yes men, which created a shield around him to protect him from his own terrible play calling. Any doubts about his ability should have been quieted after Nick Foles, who he pushed for because HE KNOWS THE SYSTEM!! went out and completely crapped the bed, his pants, and everyone’s pants around him.

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Sports

Sorry, Cole Kmet Was a Bad Pick, No Matter What ESPN Radio Says

April 25, 2020by Brandon Andreasen1 Comment

I feel like i’ve got to start this article with a disclaimer: I genuinely hope Cole Kmet becomes a great football player and ends up as a quicker version of fellow former Notre Dame tight end Kyle Rudolph. In fact, the future of Ryan Pace as the General Manager for the Bears will be partially dependent on his ability to become a productive NFL player. This article isn’t about whether I believe that Cole Kmet can become a top tier NFL Tight End.

Coming into night two of the NFL draft, there was a common refrain among experts: This is the deepest second round in 25 years. The talent level ran deep at several important positions, notably wide receiver and safety. The Bears were standing at number 43 with their first pick in the draft, having lost their first round pick in exchange for Khalil Mack last season. Among the main needs at the pick were wide receiver and safety, along with offensive line help and cornerbacks. As the second round began to shake out, a dream scenario was being laid out for Chicago. Two of the best safeties in the draft, Grant Delpit and Antoine Winfield Jr. were both becoming available. Delpit won the Thorpe Award in 2019 given to college football’s best secondary player. Winfield Jr. is a hard hitting safety who thrives on trying to blow up the box and tackle the running back behind the line of scrimmage.

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Sports

NFL Draft Live Blog Night 2: Electric Boogaloo

April 24, 2020April 24, 2020by Brandon Andreasen1 Comment

Brandon Andreasen, 5:58 PM: I’m back everyone! I was planning on skipping tonight, and just hanging out, having a few drinks and watching the draft after a long day of work. For those keeping track, I was at work all night last night to cover for my supervisor having the day off. I left work at 10:45 PM last night, and then to cover my first shift supervisor, I was back at work at 4:45 AM this morning. Well guess what? My second shift supervisor didn’t come to work again today, so i’m in the back end of an 18 hour work day today, and coming to you live as I slowly lose my mind!

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Sports

NFL Draft Live Blog!!

April 23, 2020April 23, 2020by Brandon AndreasenLeave a Comment

Welcome everybody to the new frontier of the NFL, everyone! Tonight, we are standing on the edge of history, as a bunch of old white men are going to spend the next three days attempting to figure out technology and try and (in some cases) wildly fail to get out of their own way long enough to try not to screw up their entire draft via Zoom! Truly, we are looking at the halcyon days of sport! I’ll be here all night live blogging the draft, and just maybe i’ll have the help of some of my football friends to talk about it as well. Keep checking in all night!

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