What is going on with you MLB?

So last week I was in Tampa on a work trip. Not that I didn’t have access to any news or sports or news on sports, most of Florida does – even if a lot of Florida can’t access anything but Fox News judging by the billboards in Tampa – I did. I was tired.

But Wednesday I was in the hotel lobby waiting for my work comrades when one of them came up to me and said the Astros had fired their manager and general manager. Whoa… and whoa. In my best Montreal Expos accent I said ‘pourquoi?’

Cheating.

And…

Cheating. Spying. Stealing signs.

And…

Rob Manfred is having none of it.

Now Rob is the baseball commissioner, so he has the right to do what he thinks is best for baseball. He’s drawing a hard line – there will be no cheating in baseball. What you may ask? What? Of course, there should be no cheating in baseball, right?

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The MLB’s Hot Stove League – The January Report

January’s come in with a select amount of subtlety, but in the MLB it’s been quite the wild whirling dervish of deals and free agent signings. Before I get to what individual team got and still needs, let’s take a trip around the horn and see where the big names landed like a big lake trout on a dish. Trout sounds so good right now.

Garret Cole. OK. Fine. I was wrong. Are you happy I admitted it? I thought for certain he was going to be an Angel, but neigh he decided to become a devil, AKA a Yankee. Curse you Cole!

Stephen Strasburg. I was correct, stuck with the Nationals. Bite me.

Anthony Rendon. The biggest stick in the free agent class went to the Angels. Now he’s paired with Mike Trout (which still sounds good BTW). Good golly that’ll be fun to watch!

Madison Bumgarner – I’m as giddy he didn’t go to the Twins as I am mad he went to the Diamondbacks. C’mon MadBum! Why those desert bums? Why?!

Hyu-Jin Ryu – Left baseball to start a Korean BBQ franchise called Ryu’s Ribs. OK. Fine. He signed with the Blue Jays. Canadians love Koreans, primarily due to the alliteration.

Didi Gregorius – And I was right. He went to the Phillies to re-join Joe Girardi… and to get a cheese steak.

Corey Kluber – once the ace of the Indians staff, he was traded to the Rangers for a sack of beads.

Eric Thames – not quite a huge deal as he signed a 1-year contract with the Nationals, but what’s significant is he is yet another player who doesn’t want to play for the Brew Crew… or he got tired of all that Usinger’s Sausage.

Tommy Pham – good news is the Tampa Rays traded him from a fan base whose median age is 80 to San Diego whose fan base is a youthful 77. Bad news? You have to be a Brown Shirt now, dude.

Rick Porcello – signed with the Mets. All of Boston breathed a huge sigh of relief, and ordered a pie.

Dallas Kuechel – former CY Young award winner who sat out most of last year signed with the White Sox. Fingers crossed he enjoys Sox Park, and deep dish pizza.

And who has yet to find a team?

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Baddest Athletes of All Time Draft: Rounds 1 & 2

Baddest Athletes of All Time Draft: Rounds 1 & 2

As kids, we were all taught about the importance of good sportsmanship. Some kids listened and took those lessons to heart, others just didn’t give a fuck.

Today, we remember those athletes.

The biggest hitters. The best on-field fighters. The players who pushed the boundaries so far it forced their league to change the rules. The players who just ignored the boundaries entirely. The dudes you simply wouldn’t want to fuck with.

In making our list, we only had one rule: we weren’t going to include any athletes where fighting is a primary function of the sport. No boxers, MMA fighters, or wrestlers.

Here’s the official Fancy Boys Club draft of the meanest, dirtiest, toughest son of bitches to every play sports.

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The MLB’s Hot Stove League – The December Report

What? It’s December? But that means… yes, MLB’s Winter meetings have snuck up on us like a polar vortex wind, getting us baseball fans all nipply with excitement.

A few things have happened since the November Report. A quick summation:

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David Ross is the new Cubs Manager…now what?

In news that seemed meant to be since the Cubs limped across the finish line this season, David Ross was named the new manager of the Chicago Cubs. Great. What comes next?

Unfortunately for Cubs fans and executives alike, David Ross isn’t the answer to the problem that the Cubs have as they reach their “dynasty” crossroads. How did the Cubs get to this point? They were supposed to be THE team of the second half of the decade. They were going to duke it out every season in the World Series with the Houston Astros. What went wrong? In short, a lot. Can David Ross fix it? Not by himself.

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The Clock is Your Friend, Soccer

I am a fan of the Premier League Football team Tottenham Hotspur. However, I am not necessarily a zealous fan of football/futbol/soccer for one particular reason – the clock. Fine, I can handle players falling like bowling pins every time they feel a breeze go by from an opposing player. I can handle them laying on the pitch for five minutes writhing in pain grabbing whatever body part they felt was injured… and then getting up and playing some more.

OK, I can barely handle that. That’s dumb. Drag them off the field and get on with it.

What vexes me as much as Wisconsin drivers using the left lane like it’s their Sunday drive is clock management… or lack of clock management. Time was created by man, so let’s use it, shall we? When a player is egregiously fouled by an opposing player by something as awful as a tap on the shoulder and falls into a fetal position onto the field as if someone took their blankie? The clock keeps ticking time off the regulation 45 minute half. Doesn’t seem fair right?

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