Alright so that was something, right? About an hour after my fourth installment of predictions were posted, the league expanded this year’s playoffs to 16 teams. I kinda just tossed my arms in the air about it. Then it felt like the season would be canceled every day for about three weeks. Somehow, almost everyone played 60 games. So here we are, the field is set, and the chaos of a best-of-three first round series is ready for Tuesday. Who will survive all the way through the most bonkers MLB playoffs ever? Well, some of us got together in a digital way and tried to guess at it for your amusement.Play Ball
Life is complicated enough right now. COVID is nowhere near slowing down, mostly thanks to the minions who believe it’s a hoax. There are more than 150,000 people who would love to debate those residents of Idiocracy if they could but they can’t, as they died.
Now we have sports making a comeback… of sorts. In a quick breeze let’s rush through what’s up before we get into the nitty gritty dirt band of details for the NHL playoff system.
Every year, around late-March, I write up my postseason predictions for MLB on a legal pad and tape it to my cubicle wall. I did it this year, too. Then, well, you know. For like 8 years, I guessed that the Nationals would win it all, because frankly it made sense. Then I stopped doing that and believed too much in a Cubs resurgence. Then the Nationals won the Series. So lets just put as much value as possible into what I’m about to predict. If I’m right, I will spend the rest of my life angry that I didn’t put money on this result.Play Ball
We have come to the end of the regular season predictions. Monday, I predicted the Easts. Yesterday, I went after the Centrals. If one thing is clear, its that these are for Houston and Los Angeles to lose. In a normal year, they should probably have their divisions wrapped up by mid-September. Much like the other four, these two will go into the last few games with titles and playoff spots on the line.PLAY BALL
Yesterday, I started the pandemic season preview with the easiest divisions- the East. I feel very comfortable with those picks. As for today’s task, well, it won’t be as easy. Sure, I could pencil in the Twins and Cardinals and call it a day. But that’s boring. What about the old guard Cubs and Indians? Or the upstart Reds and White Sox? Or the pesky Brewers? There are other teams, I’m sure, because I have to predict ten. We’ll see who they are after the jump.PLAY BALL
So let’s just suppose that the MLB season actually happens. All 30 teams play all 60 games and there’s a postseason and everything. While I may be skeptical that we will get all the way to a World Series, it’s fun to think about something beyond the existential terror of everyday life in 2020. So, for now, let’s talk baseball.
We start with the two Eastern Divisions, which include the two most recent World Series champions, Boston (’18) and Washington (’19). Due to limitations in travel, these teams will not leave their Eastern bubble until the postseason- 40 games against in-division opponents, 20 games against opponents from the same division in the other league. Remember as you read my predictions, that no matter how much I know about baseball, this will be wrong.
A lot has changed in our world over the past year. It seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. The country is on the verge of falling apart. Arizona, Florida, and Texas are getting exactly what they deserve for not believing in Science. An election that could tear us apart is on the horizon. Every sport’s short term future is threatened. But one thing hasn’t changed. A sports moment that brings everyone together in a moment of joy.
July 1st is, of course, the day that the New York Mets have to pay Bobby Bonilla a million dollars.Continue reading “Happy Bobby Bonilla Day!”
Let’s call this part the final part, The Closer: The National League.
Part One, The Starter, I delved into a bit of history regarding our ballyhooed National Anthem as well as provided somewhat cogent thoughts on what songs could replace the National Anthem for each American League city. Part Two, The Closer, we will hit the National League cities, but first a few questions:
Why the fuck are we playing the National Anthem at all? What patriotism comprises the beginning of a ballgame? Should we play a game before we battle another country? Is that what we should be doing now? Send our troops over to a foreign country and force them to play an American game before war games commence?
Let’s call Part One – First Starter: The American League
Is there a more perfect time to make a change in how you start a ballgame than now? It’s a question posited by fellow Fancy Boy Jake Breunig and frankly a damn good one.
Now Jake wrote a fabulous article about abolishing the National Anthem this past August. I will defer to him his over-arching replacement choice(s) and instead give each city their just due. However, let’s first take a look at our National Anthem. What we sing is not the entire song. Why? Well it’s what one could call a little shitty toward ‘freemen’ AKA ‘slaves who were freed yet still being treated like shit on both sides.’ As with every war involving America, only the poor and minorities are asked/told to pick up a rifle. During the War of 1812 (when Francis Scott Key wrote the poem that became a song… and later the anthem), freemen were not only ‘enlisted’ to fight for the American side, but the British took a lot of them and “allowed them to fight against their oppressors” which is code for “hello good dark chap, take this rifle and hustle up to the front lines and sacrifice yourself for our cause.”
On Wednesday, the NBA announced they would be returning to in-game action at the end of July. The day before, Major League Soccer avoided a labor stoppage by signing a new collective bargaining agreement, paving the way to return in the fall. The NHL already revealed they would be having a 24 team tournament to determine a league champion. NASCAR has been rolling along as the only professional sport of any interest going right now. Six weeks from training camp, and the NFL has a scandal over kneeling for the flag, so they are right on schedule to start their season. All over the country, sports leagues are finding ways to get going and started again. Be it with empty stadiums, central locations, or any other manner to make sure they have seasons.
Then there is Major League Baseball. During a regular year, they would be cruising into the summer, ready to be the only sport active most days. Instead, owners and players are in a dick waving contest, with the players trying to shove their dicks into a mouse trap, and the owners flat out trying to shoot their dicks off.Continue reading “Yes, Major League Baseball IS Trying to Shoot Itself in the Dick”