Fancy Boys Club

Note: This is a spoiler free review of Martin Scorsese’s newest film. I promise to not ruin the movie for you…but I am going to try to make you not want to see it.

The movie was slated to start at 6:30. 15 minutes of previews and other nonsense later, the movie finally started. After what felt like seven hours, I looked at my phone to see if it was almost over. It was 8pm. I still had over two hours ago. Weakness fell upon me. There was no escape. Just a vanity project. A vanity project that would never end.

I’d been hearing about it forever. Long before a single brick had been laid. No foundation. No down home decor. I was hearing about Pizza Ranch coming to Shorewood. Apparently a crowd pleaser among people who are easily pleased, they were slapping the pizza buffet right on the frontage road next to the highway, ,for everyone to see! Then nothing happened. And nothing continued to happen.

What felt like years passed before building commenced, and even then, the process was long and drawn out. I’d already lost interest by the time they announced the Grand Opening. I was drawn back in. How can you not be when you are a man of my girth? All You Can Eat pizza and fried chicken. That’s a damn fine time, to me. Damn fine.

Early reports were positive, but I decided to wait until a special day to go. I wanted to go on a holiday to get a real feel for the place, and I found my opportunity. I visited Pizza Ranch for the first time on the 30th anniversary of Nolan Ryan beating up Robin Ventura. What a glorious day!