So here we are, eight days away from the announcement of the Oscar nominations, and that’s gonna be a lot of fun for me. I’ll get to my predictions a week from today. But first, instead of writing about what the Academy is going to screw up, I thought I would talk about what would happen if there was one lone member of the Academy: me. I will be giving my nominations for Best Picture, Best Director, the four acting categories, the two screenwriting categories, and Best Animated Feature. Though, let it be said here and now: I would have nominated Jackass Forever for Best Documentary Feature.
This would be my 2023 Oscars ballot. It is perfect. Come @ me, you film nerds:
Lucy Chesterton slowly opened her eyes as her children came barreling into the bedroom she shared with her husband, David. Sure, her little boy and girl were coming in much earlier than they usually do. The sun was barely starting to rise in the cold December sky. But today, Lucy could not blame her little ones for being excited to start the morning. Today, after all, was Christmas Day.
You sit down to write something poignant – or what you seem poignant – about a topic and then life hits you. The planned topic doesn’t fucking matter right now. Along with countless others, my heart aches.
Allow me a moment to talk to you about my friend, the amazing Steve Marshall.
Steve living it up in the early AM at Cesaroni’s Deli in Woodstock for a Hotspur match with (L to R) Tony, author (nice job with the mask) and Dave.
Steve Marshall’s friends list was wide and varied. Certainly, Claudia and all the stylists at International Hairways in Crystal Lake were among them, but the customers who went in to get their haircut were too. Occasionally I’d hear a customer exclaim to him “Oh, I didn’t know you did comedy.” Didn’t know? It was all over the place, just like Steve.
He had his comedy friends, those of us who’d dare travel with him to various gigs from The Atlantic in Chicago to far-flung exotic places like Janesville and Rockford. “Dare travel” is purposefully placed. Most of time, Steve would drive. Not that any of us really wanted him to drive, he had to drive. Steve had a bazillion props to bring. A prop comic is like a drummer – no one wants to schlep their stuff into their car and haul it around. Therefore, the prop comic becomes the driver.
Rules of the road, for the most part, were adhered to but they were sometimes stretched – as a Brit his driving could sometimes be challenging for the passengers (as Michael Wasz once stated “we’re just fortunate he’s on the right side of the road”). Once you got to your destination, you briefly became his roadie. “Grab that violin if you don’t mind there, Rick… and the painting… and that bag of Elvis clothes… and…” you get the picture.
It seems like just yesterday that I lost interest in writing a weekly power ranking of NFL teams that you could find on literally any sports website (albeit less funny and witty). Then I blinked and suddenly the season is 75% done. If you are a Bears fan like me, the season was over the moment they chose to draft Kyler Gordon and Velus Jones over, you know, players with talent. If you are a Packers fan, your season didn’t end until Aaron Rodgers started acting like he had been shot every time someone touched him. If you are a fan of the Eagles, then your season is very much still alive.
Now that we are past Thanksgiving and headlong into the Mariah Carey soundtracked Christmas hellscape, it’s time to take a look at every team based on my patented Adam Gase Scale. For those that don’t remember, Gase is one of the worst coaches in NFL history, and managed to get hired by the Jets to be head coach even after he had been discovered to be a fraud. The more Adam Gases on the Adam Gase scale, the worse a team is.
This past week, if you are a fan of hatred and being a gross piece of shit, then the GOP was just giving you all you could handle and then some. This is the kind of stuff that always makes me roll my eyes, but especially when you consider this: when people talk about the crazy ideas that the “radical left” has, it’s always things like socialized medicine, a fair tax system, working to make sure we don’t destroy the earth, a fair living wage, and removing student debt. You know, things only real pieces of shit would want. Oh, and also, it would be great if police stopped murdering unarmed minorities.
What are some of the crazy ideas of the “far right”? I don’t know, because it’s the same ideas as the mainstream conservative movement.
As A24 Films celebrates it’s tenth anniversary this year, every cinephile has to admit that this company has quickly risen to one of the most impressive studios releasing movies today. Their films are commercially successful, critically acclaimed, and adored by film geeks all over the universe.As an exercise, we gathered a group we loving call the Fancy Boys Film Society (Matt Drufke, Rick Copper, Kate Peterson, Riki Adams, Waleed Ismail, David Sitko and Joshua Chuboff) and while sports nerds were doing their fantasy football drafts, we had them create a fantasy A24 roster. For six rounds, each picked their favorite films from the acclaimed studio. Here is that draft.
2: Refine your set. Know what works in 5 minute intervals. You will always get a 5, 10, 15, or 20 minute spot.
3: Never say you can do a ten if you only have a five. Your crowd work ISNT that good.
4: Be A good person. Just be cool with fellow comics and you will develop friendships from there
5: Be patient. None of this comes overnight. Enjoy the process. Enjoy the mics.
6: Comedy isn’t a race. If you see people getting spots ahead of you, that’s fine. Comedy is 90% sitting around and waiting, and 5% hoping people like your spot. If you love comedy, and are committed to being apart of it, then don’t stress everyone else. Trust your material. Write constantly. Find your voice. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are all in it together.
7: Above all else: have as much fun as possible. Trust me. Everything ends. The waiting for your turn. Going to the bars after shows with fellow comics. Sets in Bradley that nobody sees. It’s all worth it.
As A24 Films celebrates it’s tenth anniversary this year, every cinephile has to admit that this company has quickly risen to one of the most impressive studios releasing movies today. Their films are commercially successful, critically acclaimed, and adored by film geeks all over the universe.As an exercise, we gathered a group we loving call the Fancy Boys Film Society (Matt Drufke, Rick Copper, Kate Peterson, Riki Adams, Waleed Ismail, David Sitko and Joshua Chuboff) and while sports nerds were doing their fantasy football drafts, we had them create a fantasy A24 roster. For six rounds, each picked their favorite films from the acclaimed studio. Here is that draft.
The grind, she makes it a difficult trek to repeat at Stanley Cup champions… or does she? Can the Colorado Avalanche do it? Can it be done at all?
That’s Gabriel Landeskog, “Landy” as it were (all hockey players have a nickname with a ‘y’ on the end). He’s already hurt. It’s a knee and he’s out for 12 weeks.
Is it really that difficult? Perhaps the days of free agency and cap restrictions, maybe? Or is it just a matter of knowing how to control that cap. The Blackhawks did fine in the 2010’s – they won 3 and hadn’t won since 1961 before that – but inevitably collapsed under the weight. They also have never repeated. Ever.
I am going to ignore the cap. Yeah, I said it – ignore it. Not going to go back into the days of the Original 6 and marvel at their successes. That’d be stupid. For the most part it’s not that great. Here are the Original 6 and their overall Stanley Cup records.
Boston Bruins – 20 appearances, 6 victories (ouch) last appearance 2019
Chicago Blackhawks – 13 appearances, 6 victories (oof) last victory 2015
Detroit Red Wings – 24 appearances (wow!), 11 victories (meh) last appearance 2009
Montreal Canadians – 35 appearances (oh Canada!), 24 victories (amazing) last victory in 1993
New York Rangers – 11 appearances (sad), 4 victories the last one in 1994
Toronto Maple Leafs – 21 appearances, 13 victories… but the last time they appeared was when they won in 1967. It’s a sad state of affairs wearing the blue and white.
With all that history, I am going to back to what the NHL called the “Modern Era” even if said era is more than 50 years ago. Hey, that’s hockey. Stick with the past like a Bears fan. Sometimes that’s all you got.
On a brisk autumn morning, a curious ray of morning sun gleams through the gap of smoke-stained plastic window blinds. Countless particles of dust dance through the beam above a desk adorned with half empty mugs of tea and a crumpled Del Taco bag from the night before. The golden streak of dawn presses on through a slight opening of a closet that does not close, layer upon layer of landlord white hamstringing the hinges. It shines on a dark, sherpa-lined jean jacket emblazoned with pop punk patches, a cartoonish skull enamel pin, and a worldly collection of coffee and beer stains that blend into the deep blue denim. One of these days, I should get that jacket dry cleaned, but that will have to wait, for it yearns to be donned once more; The Ides of October have come to pass and sad boy season is well underway.
Fancy Boys Club 