I Am Not Touching You- written by Jordan Holmes

I Am Not Touching You- written by Jordan Holmes

You are not interested in why you are wrong or what you are wrong about! You are interested in what you are right about! When you and someone are having a conversation, you forget that they are more interested in them being right than they are being wrong. Especially when they are wrong! 

How long did it take for you to turn on me or turn on to me or turn around to me or turn in my direction? What changed

You and I are in the exact same place we were before you were mad at me for something I said. You and I are in the exact same place. You are in fucking Canada or whatever! What did I change? Nothing!

But what did you change? You changed the way you thought about something for one fucking second. YOU were challenged by an idea that I promise you, you have not heard! Did I hurt you? Did I fuck with your day? Did I find you and do anything

Then why are you losing your god damn mind? What is happening? What can I do? I can’t do shit but write! I can’t do shit!

I cannot build anything, my hands are so soft I almost disgust myself! I cannot raise a child. I cannot do anything with money other than buy food and then give the rest away. Ask people around me, it concerns them! I am fucking useless!


I have nothing but words. I have nothing but my voice. I have nothing! Because you are still not listening to me!

Continue reading “I Am Not Touching You- written by Jordan Holmes”

Built The Burn Thee Silver Mt. Zion – written by Jordan Holmes

Built The Burn Thee Silver Mt. Zion – written by Jordan Holmes

I am out to hurt your feelings! I am out here intending to cause you pain! I want you to feel personally attacked by what I am saying because I am also under attack

I am under attack by a deluge of voices telling me where we are in relation to 1930s Germany and then saying, “Uh oh”. UH OH!? Motherfuckers Uh Oh? What in God’s fucking name are we doing here? 

Continue reading “Built The Burn Thee Silver Mt. Zion – written by Jordan Holmes”

Joey Chestnut Is An American Hero, DAMNIT

Joey Chestnut Is An American Hero, DAMNIT

Travesty is a word. It’s somehow both a perfect word for this situation while simultaneously not feeling strong enough.

A better word is WHATINTHEUNHOLYHELLARETHEYTHINKING. Yes. One word. Screamed from the top of Mt. Rushmore while riding a Buffalo as a Bruce Springsteen song echoes through the Grand Canyon.

Joey Chestnut is the greatest hot dog eater of all time. 16 team world champion. 76 Hot Dogs in 2021. During Covid! Chestnut is to hot dog eating as Michael Jordan was to basketball, Taylor Swift is to mediocre music, and Elon Musk will always be at ruining things people like. But all of that is gone.

The Major League Eating association, a clown car of an organization that is ostensibly the driving force behind being a big ol’ fat boy competitively, has decided that AMERICAN HERO JOEY CHESTNUT is not allowed to compete in the Independence Day tradition of the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Championship.

Continue reading “Joey Chestnut Is An American Hero, DAMNIT”

The Drake/Kendrick Lamar Feud- UPDATE- Drake may be the dumbest person alive…

The Drake/Kendrick Lamar Feud- UPDATE- Drake may be the dumbest person alive…

Last night, after a full day of watching people respond to Kendrick Lamar’s allegations that he was a pedophile running a child trafficking ring out of his mansion, Aubrey Graham (better known to the world as Drake) finally responded. Look, I’ve never been in a feud with Kendrick Lamar. And I’ve never been accused of, by all accounts, the worst crime a person can be accused of. So I’m not going to pretend I have any idea what was running through Graham’s head as I sure he was doom-scrolling social media reading about himself.

His response came in the track “The Heart Part 6”, a reference to a series of songs Lamar has released. And as far as responses go…

It’s really stupid.


Continue reading “The Drake/Kendrick Lamar Feud- UPDATE- Drake may be the dumbest person alive…”

Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake: A (not-so) brief breakdown of music’s biggest story

Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake: A (not-so) brief breakdown of music’s biggest story

Unless you don’t care about popular music at all, you have certainly heard about the feud going on between rap stars Drake and Kendrick Lamar. When the new Taylor Swift album dropped last week, I didn’t think anything would be strong enough to knock the spotlight off of The Tortured Poets Department, but I was wrong and wrong in a big way. For the time being, there is no Tortured Poets, there are two poets out there trying to aggressively torture each other.

But, exactly what is going on?

Continue reading “Kendrick Lamar vs. Drake: A (not-so) brief breakdown of music’s biggest story”

FBC 2024 Oscars Coverage, Part IX- Predicting the winners, part 5- The lead acting categories

FBC 2024 Oscars Coverage, Part IX- Predicting the winners, part 5- The lead acting categories

Remember when my predictions started and I said Best Animated Feature was the closest major race? If that’s true, then Best Actress is a close second. There are two woman who each have an excellent chance of winning. Best Actor is a little (well, a lot) easier to pick.

Let’s get leading!

Continue reading “FBC 2024 Oscars Coverage, Part IX- Predicting the winners, part 5- The lead acting categories”

FBC 2024 Oscars Coverage, Part V: Predicting the winners, part 1- Animated & International Feature

FBC 2024 Oscars Coverage, Part V: Predicting the winners, part 1- Animated & International Feature

As we are days away from the Oscars, let’s get into predicting! All this week, I’ll be laying out my choices for who will (and who should) be winning the nominations. I used to have a category called “Upset Special”, but I’m now changing that to a simpler question: “Does anyone else have a chance to win?” And, as always, I’ll be letting you know who got absolutely snubbed by not even being nominated (and, for every snub, I saw what should have replaced it).

Who will be walking home with Oscars on Sunday, March 10? Let’s do some predicticating!!!!

Continue reading “FBC 2024 Oscars Coverage, Part V: Predicting the winners, part 1- Animated & International Feature”

FBC 2024 Oscars Coverage, Part IV: Ranking Robert De Niro’s acting nominations

FBC 2024 Oscars Coverage, Part IV: Ranking Robert De Niro’s acting nominations

With his nomination for Best Supporting Actor in Killers Of The Flower Moon, Robert De Niro moved into a tie for tenth of most acting nominations by an actor or actress. And while he is nowhere close to Meryl Streep and her TWENTY-ONE fucking nominations, he’s still in some pretty good company, including Cate Blanchett, Jack Lemon and Marlon Brando. De Niro has two Oscar wins, and while there doesn’t seem like much of a chance he’ll be getting his third this year, when you’re talking about the greatest actors to ever do it, you have to include Bobby D.

Where does his nomination for Killers rank amongst his work? Let’s rank, baby!

Continue reading “FBC 2024 Oscars Coverage, Part IV: Ranking Robert De Niro’s acting nominations”

FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part II: The nominations predictions…

FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part II: The nominations predictions…

We have come, everyone, to my favorite thing I get to write all year. Usually, I rock about 80% for my predictions of the Oscar nominations. If that number is any higher, I am insufferable until the ceremony, where I am sure to crash when predicting the winners. If that number is any lower, I am inconsolable until the next year. So, most people hope I hit that 80% mark exactly so I’m not a pain in the ass one way or another.

This year, the locks seem to be unfuckwithable and the remainders seem to be a dogfight. Currently, voting is open so me turning in my predictions right now seems like a mistake. But mistakes is where I thrive. Also, any sort of late push now will probably not do a lot. So, let’s cross our fingers and see where the chips fall when the nominees are announced on January 23rd. Just a reminder that I only do nominations for the ten major categories (Best Picture, Best Director, the four acting and two screenwriting categories, Best Animated Feature and Best International Film).

Without further ado, I believe the nominations will be…

Continue reading “FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part II: The nominations predictions…”

FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part 1: Early Contender Power Rankings!

FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part 1: Early Contender Power Rankings!

That is correct, it is time for the Oscars, my babies! Movies are better than football and more satisfying than politics, so let’s set those things aside just for a few moments and get into the moving pictures!

Continue reading “FBC 2024 Oscar Coverage, Part 1: Early Contender Power Rankings!”