The Indiana basketball team was eliminated today. It is a franchise that, for better or worse, that embodies the term “above average”. We quench their candle’s light with a poem.
Continue reading “To Dream of Icarus: Farewell to the Indiana Pacers”
The Brooklyn basketball team was eliminated today. Though they were without their biggest stars, they fought to the bitter end. We extinguish their flame for now, with a poem.
Continue reading “We Have Shown Ourselves True: Farewell to the Brooklyn Nets”
The Philadelphia basketball team was eliminated today. Their complete mismanagement of such a promising team has led them to this fate. So, as they surely deserve, we quench their candle with a poem.
Continue reading “O Woe, O Rapture: Farewell to the Philadelphia 76ers”
“It seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind
never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in”
Elton John, Candle In The Wind
Greetings, True Believers! We have, at last, arrived in mid-April August. The NBA Playoffs are here, and with them comes the misery of fifteen eliminations. Gradually over the next six weeks, the character and will of our greatest heroes will be tested. No matter if a team is swept in the first round or lose the Finals in triple overtime of the seventh game, they deserve tribute.
For the last decade, I have taken the time to give each team that fails to make the Finals their due respect, a rite my friends and I have come to call Candling- blaring Elton John’s anthem to Marilyn Monroe as another team’s light is quenched. For most of the basketball world, a team is eliminated and instantly forgotten, just a stepping stone for someone better. Not in my eyes. These playoffs, rather than documenting the great achievements of the winners, I will be your guide as we pay tribute to the most necessary party in sports- the losers.
Since the advent of language itself, our species has lived to place objects into neat categories, sometimes inventing new segments just to make sure everything is neatly organized for the future. Then came the hot dog, a tube of cased byproduct meat, warmed and placed in the casket of an asymmetrical unit of bread. The hot dog saved America, but that’s a story for another day. For now, let’s put an end to the great question of our time: is a hot dog a sandwich?
Continue reading “A Case(d meat) of You: Let’s Talk About Hot Dogs”
It was a lazy July evening, one not without the typical musings and trappings of summers gone by. The fireflies were gesticulating their way to an early grave. The yearly rite of this year’s asphalt patches melting, then oozing down gravity’s rainbow. I had received a letter from a reader who wished to remain anonymous. She then slipped up and signed Agnes Cartwright at the bottom. The letter contained a vision she had been blessed with earlier in the week, shortly after elderly and compromised immunity shopping hours. The lady Cartwright believed she had seen star of stage and screen Greg Kinnear shopping for groceries. Central Indiana’s favorite investigative reporter was on the case.
Continue reading “EYE ON PLAINFIELD: GREG KINNEAR SPOTTED AT KROGER”
I don’t know how young the readership is for our site. Sometimes I slip into a realm of understanding that everyone alive has experienced the things that I have, and I could not be further from fact. Around the turn of the century, the late Regis Philbin was the hostof Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, a quiz show that was such a phenomenon that it seemed to permeate everyday life. In the year of our lord 1999, the only thing bigger than Millionaire was the impending apocalypse when the new year arrived. The reason the show was the cultural touchstone that it became was because of the stakes, the production of the show, and most of all, its charismatic host. We lost Regis, a true icon of Millennial adolescence, on Saturday at the age of 88.
Continue reading “Gleeful Gravitas: Regis Philbin and the Last Great Game Show”
Every year, around late-March, I write up my postseason predictions for MLB on a legal pad and tape it to my cubicle wall. I did it this year, too. Then, well, you know. For like 8 years, I guessed that the Nationals would win it all, because frankly it made sense. Then I stopped doing that and believed too much in a Cubs resurgence. Then the Nationals won the Series. So lets just put as much value as possible into what I’m about to predict. If I’m right, I will spend the rest of my life angry that I didn’t put money on this result.
Play Ball
We have come to the end of the regular season predictions. Monday, I predicted the Easts. Yesterday, I went after the Centrals. If one thing is clear, its that these are for Houston and Los Angeles to lose. In a normal year, they should probably have their divisions wrapped up by mid-September. Much like the other four, these two will go into the last few games with titles and playoff spots on the line.
PLAY BALL
Yesterday, I started the pandemic season preview with the easiest divisions- the East. I feel very comfortable with those picks. As for today’s task, well, it won’t be as easy. Sure, I could pencil in the Twins and Cardinals and call it a day. But that’s boring. What about the old guard Cubs and Indians? Or the upstart Reds and White Sox? Or the pesky Brewers? There are other teams, I’m sure, because I have to predict ten. We’ll see who they are after the jump.
PLAY BALL
Fancy Boys Club 