Author: Brandon Andreasen

Football Gambling Writer. Comedy Writer Twitter: @awfulmusicfacts fancyboysclub.com footballabsurdity.com
Sports

Where Will Kevin Durant End Up

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Kevin Durant is one of the best basketball players ever. He is also looking for a new home. The problem with the NBA is, there are only 29 other jobs out there if he doesn’t want to be a Brooklyn Net. And there are only 28 other teams, because I feel pretty safe in saying that Golden State is fine winning championships without him. And i’ll just say 27 other teams, because i’m a miserly Chicago sports fan who cannot even dream of the concept of a player of Durant’s caliber ending up on the Bulls. I’ll just go on pretending that things will be just as good with Zach Lavine.

The other problem with the NBA is, they have a pesky thing called a salary cap. The farther over the cap you are, the more excessive you pay into the luxury tax. The rule is made to keep teams from assembling rosters so loaded with talent, that the entire point of having an NBA season goes out the window.

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Sports

Brandon Solves The Internet: Chicago Sports Edition

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Brandon Solves The Internet: Chicago Sports Edition

Welcome back to another edition of Brandon Solves the Internet. Whenever he feels like it, he answers questions he finds around the internet (or gets drunkenly screamed at while at the bar). This week, Brandon is answering questions about all of the Chicago sports teams.

If the Bears catch a few breaks, can they surprise people and be a playoff team?

Brandon: No. God no. I’ve noticed over the past couple seasons that there is a large amount of Bears fans deciding their opinions on the Bears by reading Bears Twitter, which is mostly composed of failed influencers and people who build their followings by dedicating themselves to appealing to the lowest common denominator of fans. They give the absolute dumbest opinions with absolutely no use for proof. Bears Twitter is the Porn Hub comment section of fandom.

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Wrestling

Scott Hall 1958-2022

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Scott Hall 1958-2022

Very few people can say they were the face of a seismic shift in an industry. No matter the medium, more often than not the status quo reigns supreme. Often, when someone helps author massive change, it isn’t appreciated until after the fact. Luckily, Scott Hall’s career apexed at a point when he did bring change to the wrestling industry, it was felt in the moment. Scott Hall is one of the most important people in the history of wrestling, and has a great responsibility to what wrestling evolved into.

Hall passed away on Monday due to complications relating to hip replacement surgery. His body was eroded by three decades in the wrestling industry coupled with a hard lived life that caused many to believe he wouldn’t make it this far. Nobody gets out of wrestling in one piece when you are a part of it for as long as Hall was and the history of wrestling is littered with stories of people Hall, but very few reached such heights and helped redefine the business.

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baseball, Sports

This Isn’t The Player’s Fault

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This Isn’t The Player’s Fault

Last week, MLB players were supposed to start Spring Training. Currently, they are sitting at home, waiting. Due to an ongoing lock out, Major League Baseball has been put on pause, with the threat of part of the baseball season being cancelled. As with all things such as this, there is a lot of acrimony involved, and unfortunately, a lot of the negativity is being directed towards the players. This is wrong.

The players are not to blame for this fora number of reasons, but the biggest reason is this: The players are not on strike. The players are ready to go back to work immediately under the parameters of the most recent Collective Bargaining agreement. The owners have locked out the players in an effort to further restrict player’s abilities to make money while maximizing profits for teams that are not currently putting in an effort to win games.

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Advice, NFL, Sports

An Agnostic Football Fan Guide to the Super Bowl

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An Agnostic Football Fan Guide to the Super Bowl

So it’s that time of the year. The biggest sporting event of the season is happening and your favorite team is long since eliminated from contention. The elimination could be heartbreaking (49ers/Chiefs) or predetermined by fate (Jaguars/Lions). Thirty fan bases are left out in the rain on February 13th. And the remaining fanbases?

Bengals fans have been so embarrassed by their team over the past three decades that they didn’t really claim their own existence until a month and a half ago.

The Rams….well, they don’t have fans. I can speak to this because I was in St. Louis over the weekend, when they beat the 49ers to go to the Super Bowl. The team, who existed in the STL until just a couple years ago, do not have many fans (more on this later). The team now exists in Los Angeles, which doesn’t give a damn about them.

Over 70 million people watch the Super Bowl each year. The vast majority of those people are not fans of the Bengals or Rams. Welcome to the Agnostic Football Fan Guide to Super Bowl LVI.

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Comedy

Little League Baseball Umpiring Tales: Part 1

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Little League Baseball Umpiring Tales: Part 1

The middle of the 2000’s was a weird time. I had lazily rolled my odometer over past 21 years. I wasn’t really a productive member of society. Summers were spent hanging out by the pool, drinking the day away, and playing MVP 2005 on X Box. I wasn’t exactly career driven, or driven by anything other than a desire to drink and carouse my way through life.

The nice thing about being young and slovenly was that I didn’t really need much money to get by. I worked odd jobs here and there. At one point, we were hired to put a small stream that led down into a tiny reflecting pond in a yard. I won’t bore you with all of the details, but I do seem to remember the yard flooding soon after due to our handiwork. There was also a stint at a gym, a self storage place, and a particularly spectacular flame out at Home Depot.

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Uncategorized

Future Potential Chicago Bears Coach Power Rankings

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Future Potential Chicago Bears Coach Power Rankings

With the announcement on Tuesday that the Bears have signed former Kansas City Chiefs director of player personnel Ryan Poles to be their new General Manager, they have cleared an incredibly low bar that many people in Chicago thought they would still manage to botch. The team managed to put someone in charge of football operations BEFORE they signed a head coach. While this seems like a pretty basic rule of thumb, especially since nobody above the GM actually knows their ass from the fail son hole in the ground they popped out of, there was a lack of confidence in them doing the signing in the right order that was very discouraging. In Poles, they also pulled off the rare feat of hiring someone to a position that doesn’t require team owner, family matriarch, and former lover of William Henry Harrison, Virginia McCaskey to have to learn a new name. She can say Ryan Pace and it still sounds really close to the correct name, so she has that going for her!

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Uncategorized

Brandon’s Best (and worst) of 2021

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Brandon’s Best (and worst) of 2021

Let’s just call this what it is, a dedication to suck. 2021 felt like a slow morphine drip of mediocrity, or better, 2021 was a terrible sitcom. And by that I mean, nothing really changed. The episode ended and everything just reverted back to what it was before the episode started. Nothing got better. Joe Biden is just folksy Donald Trump. Social media continues to melt brains. Social change continues to feel like it’s going in the wrong direction.

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